Mother refuses to get daughter with severe social anxiety a dog after she leaves elderly dog on the roof. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to get my daughter with severe social anxiety a service dog and forcing her to get a part time job after what she did?"
Character_Guess4227
My (45f) daughter (15f) suffers from severe social anxiety. It is incredibly crippling and has prevented her from many extra curriculars and even her education over the years. I left my job five years ago to start homeschooling her and have since put her in therapy.
The therapist and I have been working on getting her into school more and more for the past year and a half. This is all to say - I am not trying to shame my daughter for her social anxiety at all. It is a debilitating thing to live with and I can see that first hand.
Last month the therapist recommended getting a service dog for my daughter in order to be able to help her navigate public settings better. Despite thinking this was a huge responsibility, I did see the excitement on my daughter's face.
She really wanted a dog and seemed determined to continue her progress with the help of an animal. I was initially on board with this and started the necessary research required.
However, a few weeks ago I left my daughter with my sister in law for a few days because my mother was sick and I needed to visit her a few hours away and my husband was on a work trip.
The plan was for my SIL to continue her homeschooling for as many hours as she could manage but instead I got a call from her two days in demanding I take my daughter back home.
I came to find out that my sister in law had to leave the house for a few hours and asked my daughter take care of her senior dog. This dog is very old and small. She was adopted just over a year ago so she's still a bit weary of people.
My daughter, in an attempt to recreate some stupid online video, took this senior dog to the roof of the house and left her there. The poor thing was so scared she messed herself on the roof, shaking, while my daughter filmed.
Of course this didn't go to plan and the dog ended up falling off the roof and into the swimming pool out of sheer luck. However, due to her age and size the dog ended up breaking a few ribs and her paw.
When I heard this I was absolutely livid. I confronted my daughter immediately and she admitted to wanting to recreate a video she saw online. She then proceeded to use a defense that went along the lines of "that dog is old.
If it were younger than nothing would have happened." She also mentioned how she didn't really think what she did was that bad because it's an unloved shelter dog with no real "value" like a service dog or new born puppy.
I was very upset to hear these words coming out of my daughter's mouth. I have no idea where she learned this from considering neither me or my husband share these beliefs.
I instantly told my daughter that she would not be getting a service dog. I also told her that she would have to pay her aunt's vet bill no matter what it took. Because the bill is in the thousands, she will have to find a way to make that money.
My daughter got upset and said I was being unfair because she can't get a job due to her social anxiety but I told her she should have thought about that before doing what she did.
My daughter has since then been attempting to search for a part time job that requires minimal face to face interaction. Despite me and my husband helping her she was only able to find a waitress job.
I asked my sister in law if she was okay with my daughter working the vet bill off instead but she refused saying she really had no interest in having my daughter anywhere near her house or dog again and I honestly thought that was fair enough so I told my daughter she had to find a way to stick with this because that vet bill was her responsibility only.
My husband told me I might be an AH for suggesting our daughter pay off the entire bill and that we should probably just restrict her pocket money until the bill is paid off.
I think that's not a good enough punishment because her pocket money isn't earned it's what me and my husband give her for "free time" at the start of the week. Also this bill is entirely her fault and therefore her responsibility. It's unfortunate that the only jobs available are in customer service but what else can we do?
My daughter's therapist also reached out saying she thinks it was wrong of me to completely take the service dog idea off the table considering it is a medical necessity as well as pointing out that suddenly forcing my daughter into an unfamiliar job may be a bit too daunting.
Are my husband and my daughters therapist right? Am I being too harsh on my daughter? AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
urlz1st
Despite what the therapist says, I’m not sure that a legitimate service animal organization would approve an animal for your daughter.
Viperbunny
Nor should they.
haleorshine
She injured an animal, and only through luck didn't kill it, but when called on it, she blamed it on the dog being old, instead of being appropriately remorseful. She should absolutely not have access to a dog.
I do think potentially making her pay for the entire vet bill (vet bills can be masssssive) is a little overkill, but she absolutely is not responsible enough to have a dog.
Poundaflesh
This is a little sociopath who has been coddled far too long!
cakivalue
In OPs shoes I'd be asking myself, how much of this is a legitimate social anxiety disorder and how much is the frustration of having to interact with people who annoy her, that she can't control, can't use or manipulate to make herself feel good.
Heris11
As someone who is a specialist working in schools with kids with these issues, I did have such a case in the last 12 months. Also, exposure therapy is what works for social anxiety, unless there is then a plan to not solve it and avoid people forever.
Somewhat_Sanguine
Honestly your daughter kind of sounds like she has sociopathic tendencies. I guess you could have social anxiety and be a sociopath, but eh. Service dogs are a huge responsibility, very expensive, and what happens when the dog is too old to work? Will your daughter discard it? I wouldn’t trust her with any living thing. NTA but I think your daughter has more issues than just anxiety.