'AITA for refusing to get lip filler for my sister's wedding?'
"AITA for refusing to get lip filler for my sister's wedding?"
Swimming-Spirit1070
(Throwaway account) My older sister Maddie (28 f, I'm 22 f) is getting married in about two months to her highschool sweetheart. They truly are wonderful people and they're just perfect together, so I couldn't have been more thrilled when she announced they were finally tying the knot and she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids.
Her best friend Dana (29 f) will be the Maid of Honor, which makes sense because I live almost two hours away, so she's able to help a lot more. Prep has been going great.
I've traveled over for selecting her wedding dress, bridesmaids dresses of course, and were sending each other links back and forth for various companies for flowers, decor and most notably, hair and makeup. A few months ago now, my sister found a makeup artist she absolutely loves and booked her.
However, Dana had pointed out to her (after everything was already confirmed) that 99% of the clients this artist works on seem to have lip filler. Now it's totally gotten into Maddie's head, and she's worried the lip work won't be good unless everyone has filler.
Maddie has already gotten some in preparation for the wedding, and I have to admit it looks good on her, she found a really good aesthetician who managed to make it look very natural.
She loves it and says she will probably continue getting it done even after the wedding. Dana and one of the other bridesmaids already have filler, and the other one who doesn't is willing to get it done since she had already been considering it.
I, however, am not. I don't have anything against people getting such procedures, if it makes them feel good about themselves, that's great. But there's a reason I'm so against it for myself. I used to struggle a lot with my self-image as a teen.
I used to view myself as this absolutely hideous troll of a person, which manifested into a lot of deep self loathing and probably an eating disorder (I was never formally diagnosed, but the signs were there), and it's only semi-recent that I've built my confidence enough to actually feel overall good about the way it look.
I think Maddie was kinda oblivious to my struggles, which to be fair I didn't really talk to her about it at the time, and she had her own stuff going on. I didn't talk to anyone about it, not my parents, not my friends.
I didn't go to therapy either, which honestly I might should have, but I didn't because I hated the idea of talking to a stranger about my feelings even more than the idea of talking to friends or family about them, plus I would have had to ask my parents for help finding one which was out of the question in my silly teenager brain.
Anyways, I eventually managed to dig myself out of that, which frankly I'm very proud of myself for. But I also don't feel like I'm 100% solid, yet. So... I'm honestly kind of terrified that, if I get something like lip filler done, I might end up liking what I look like with it too much, and not liking myself anymore without it.
I really don't want that. I've worked so hard to be okay with myself, I just don't wanna risk ruining that. I always wanted to be that person who is content with themselves as they are, without any procedures or anything. I also don't like the idea of getting stuck having to pay for procedures over and over to keep up a certain look.
I don't even get lash extensions or acrylic nails done, although I have actually agreed to both of those for the wedding so we don't have to fuss with strip lashes or nail polish chipping. The styles my sister chose for those is quite classy and natural, nothing crazy so I was willing to indulge- but that's as far as I'm willing to go.
Maddie has been pleading with me that it will look so good, it might look weird if I'm the only one without it, the artist might mess up my makeup without it, it wears off eventually anyways, I can just get it dissolved again after the wedding if I hate it, et cetera, but I've held firm.
My parents and the other bridesmaids have been hounding me to just do it for Maddie, it's just for the one day etc (but it's not, I would probably have to get it at least two weeks in advance so the swelling would definitely be gone in time for the wedding!)
Two things I should mention in all fairness: Maddie is happy to pay for all of this stuff, and she even offered to pay for me to get it dissolved if I didn't want to keep it after the wedding.
However, money isn't the problem. I also still have not really revealed the reason to Maddie. A lot of people will probably suggest that I just tell her and then maybe she'll understand, but I still really dislike talking about it, and I just feel like I shouldn't have to justify not wanting to make semi-permanent changes to my appearance. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
sysop042
Tell her you'll get it for her second wedding. She sounds high maintenance and that marriage ain't gonna last.
Swimming-Spirit1070 (OP)
Honestly, she usually isn't at all. This is actually very out of character for her so I was pretty surprised by the fact that she's being so insistent on it. Even when we were picking bridesmaids dresses, she was still really relaxed and all about finding something everyone was comfortable with.
So, I really don't understand why this of all things is the thing she's zeroing in on. :( I guess it's the age-old story of weddings bringing out the worst in everyone somehow...
prettylenax
NTA. Stick to your guns about the lip filler. You've worked hard on your self-image, so don’t let anyone pressure you. Just tell Maddie you're uncomfortable with it.
CinnamonBlue
If the make-up artist can’t manage unfilled lips, they’re not very good.
Wrong_Moose_9763
In what world would you be the AH for not getting a procedure that your sister wants for you and oh by the way, YOU DON'T WANT IT? Of course you're NTA.
SalemKeno
This is bridezilla behaviour - there are risks associated with any procedure where you put foreign substances in your body and anyone - especially if you have never done it before and don't know - can react badly. Nobody should expect someone to get this done for their wedding or otherwise.