Fight ensues when homeowner refuses to give 50yo panhandler his Halloween candy. AITA?
"AITA for Refusing to give a 50 Year Old 'trick or treater' Candy?"
The_Outsider27
Last night I was giving candy to the kids who came by. It was unseasonably warm which brought out many more kids compared to previous post-pandemic years. I spent about $300 on candy and began passing out at 5:00PM but was running out by 9PM.
I'm noticing more adult trick or treaters. Generally I don't mind if they are with kids or have costumes on. Also a trend of kids saying "Can I have one for my (blank) who is at home and can't come."
Around 8:45pm I was getting low and saw about 20 more kids coming down my block. Suddenly "Lester" a local panhandler comes up my walkway dressed in just his clothes with a plastic grocery bag.
He mixed himself in with kids who seemed uncomfortable that he was so close to him. I purposefully gave candy to the kids in front of me and not him. The kids left my porch and it was just the two of us, he said "Isn't everyone a kid? I'm a kid."
He already a had more candy in his bag than some of the kids I saw. I don't know what came over me but I was kind of disgusted with his brazen attitude and the way he was not leaving my porch until I gave him something.
I looked in my basket, I had just enough to treat the kids I could see coming to my house. I said to him, "Get off my porch and no treats for you from me." I passed out the remain candy which was just enough.
I felt bad but I didn't. I felt the candy was for the kids and their memories of Halloween.
If I had a full basket, I would have thrown Lester a pack of sour patch kids or whatever.
I prioritized the kids was that wrong? He is always in the neighborhood begging. I felt it was the kids night, not his.AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
bookworm-monica
NTA, if he would have dressed up for Halloween I think I would have had a different opinion.
The_Outsider27 (OP)
Right. I don't mind the adults coming by. It's fun and I live in a town with lots of college kids . They were dressed up and very polite.
No-Arachnid-2546
YTA but let me clarify why. You’re not obligated to hand out candy to anyone you don’t want to. However, your delivery moves you into AH territory. You could’ve simply said, “I’m sorry, I only have enough for kids tonight, Happy Halloween.” If he refused to leave after that, then that’s a different story.
Spacetime23
NAH but I probably would have worded it nicer. Said something like "sorry I don't have enough left for adults. Good luck." I don't blame you for not giving it to an adult, the kids come first. Besides you paid for it, you get to decide who gets it. 100% NTA for refusing.
But ... he's not the AH for trying either. Someone down on his luck, likely couldn't afford a costume, gathering some treats he normally wouldn't be able to get. He would be the AH if he argued or refused to leave or made a scene about it but doesn't sound like he did. So NTA.
The_Outsider27
After I said what I said to him. I did mention that I was low and I needed it for the kids. The way he looked at me was really disrespectful and his bag was really full. I get why he was doing it but not taking a hint when I just looked at him and it was a long pause. He seemed entitled.
CompetitiveOwl1986
I had a Dad show up last night dressed in full gorilla costume in a coconut bra. He asked for candy along with his kid. It’s just a little bit of candy. No big deal.
The_Outsider27 (OP)
I gave a beer to one of the mom's who looked really tired. She really appreciated it and opened it right up. I have nothing against adults especially the ones who dress up.
smol9749been
I'm gonna say YTA. It's candy, it's not like he asked you for booze or something. And you didn't need to talk to him like he was trash.
Unhappy-Prune-9914
YTA - He's homeless and you couldn't give him some candy? I would have given him candy and then maybe some snacks if I had them. It's such a small ask. This post made me feel sad.
SlovenlyMuse
YTA. You bought candy with the express purpose of giving it out for free on Halloween. Yes, it's "for the kids," but he likely needed it more than they did, and you were getting rid of it anyway, so what's the harm?
I remember back when I was in high school, some friends and I went trick-or-treating in our neighbourhood on behalf of our local food bank. We were asking for donations of canned goods, rather than candy (we sent flyers around ahead of time so that people could be ready if they had anything for us).
We got a good haul for people in need, and just about every door we knocked on, even if they didn't have anything to give us, said it was a great idea and were so happy to see us doing it. People generally like feeling like they've helped someone or made a positive difference, and Halloween can be a great opportunity for that.
I guess I just don't understand how the spirit of charity and wanting to give "kids" a positive Halloween experience doesn't translate even a little bit into giving something you have (and don't want) to someone who really needs and appreciates it. Why do we need to gatekeep kindness?