'AITA for refusing to give my sister money for her wedding after she uninvited me for not losing weight?'
"AITA for refusing to give my sister money for her wedding after she uninvited me for not losing weight?"
This whole situation is a mess and my family is divided so I need outside perspective.
My sister Emma (28F) is getting married in 3 months. I'm (25F) supposed to be a bridesmaid. Or I was supposed to be.
For cotext I've always been plus-sized. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, I'm fat. I've struggled with my weight my whole life. Emma has always been thin and honestly kinda judgemental about it but shes my sister so I dealt with it.
When she got engaged last year she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was honored and said yes. She showed me the dress she picked out, I said it was beautiful, everything seemed fine.
Fast forward to 2 months ago. We're at a bridesmaid dress fitting. The dress fits me but its tight. The lady at the shop says she can order it in a bigger size no problem. Emma pulls me aside after and says "do you think you could try to lose some weight before the wedding? I just want everyone to look their best."
I was hurt but I said I'd try.
I didn't really try that hard honestly because Im tired of dieting and hating myself. But I told her I was working on it.
Last month she texts me asking if I've lost any weight yet. I said not really, maybe a few pounds. She sends back "thats not enough, you really need to commit to this." I told her Im not gonna lose 50 pounds in 2 months and even if I could thats not healthy. She said Im not taking her wedding seriously.
Then last week she calls me. Says she's been thinking about it and shes decided to have her fiancé's sister be a bridesmaid instead of me. Because the fiancé's sister is "more photogenic" and Emma doesn't want her wedding photos "ruined."
I was devastated. I asked if she was seriously uninviting me from being in her wedding because of my weight. She said its not about my weight its about the "aesthetic" she wants for her day. I hung up on her and cried for like 2 hours.
Here's where I might be the jerk.
A few days ago Emma calls again. Says she still wants me at the wedding obviously, just not as a bridesmaid. And also she needs to ask a favor.
Shes over budget for the wedding. Needs about $3000 more to cover the photographer and some decorations. She knows I've been saving money (I have about $8000 saved up) and she's asking if I can "loan" her the money.
I said absolutely not. She got mad. Said Im being petty and that family is supposed to help each other. That its her special day and I should want to contribute. I told her she uninvited me from her wedding party because Im fat and now she wants my money? No way.
She started crying saying Im ruining her wedding and that she's sorry if she hurt my feelings but she can't help wanting her day to be perfect. She said me refusing to help financially is proof I dont really love her. I hung up again.
Now my mom is calling me saying I should just give Emma the money because "its her wedding" and I'm being selfish. My dad thinks Emma was out of line but also thinks I should be the bigger person (no pun intended).
Emma is telling everyone I'm jealous of her and trying to sabotage her wedding. Some relatives are on her side saying weddings are expensive and family should help. Others think she is being a bridezilla.
I feel bad because she is my sister and weddings are stressful. But also she literally kicked me out of her wedding party for being fat and now wants my money? AITA for refusing?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Routine_Eye9589 (OP)
No, I don't think I'll ever get the money back if I "loan" it to her. Emma has borrowed money from family before and never paid it back. And yes Im still invited to the actual wedding as a guest. Just not in the wedding party.
Because apparently I can sit in the audience while being fat but I cant stand next to her in photos while being fat. Im probably not going to the wedding at all at this point to be honest.
NTA. You shouldn’t have to pay for the privilege of being insulted and excluded by your sister. For any family member that says you should give her your money, your reply should be “You first.”
NTA. Personally, I wouldn’t attend. And because I’m that level of petty, I’d spend some money on a weekend getaway on the same day as the wedding. I’m sorry your sister is such a b——. Go LC, lIve your best life.
Oh honey, not only are you not the jerk, you are the patron saint of boundaries, the Beyoncé of self-respect, and the CEO of “No, darling, that’s your problem.” Let her choke on her pastel macarons and poor financial planning. Verdict: NTA. But your sister? Oh, she’s the Bridezilla of Babylon.
Not a dime. Tell her you spent it all on kale and body wraps. Go to Hawaii instead of the wedding.
OMG, she's worried about you not being photogenic but you're supposed to pay for the videographer? She's truly a bridezilla. Don't lend her a dime. She doesn't care about family, why should you? She can find the money from all those family members claiming family should help family.
I have lived through several generations of brides throughout my life and I have never seen what is now happening in the wedding world. Brides are selfish, entitled, rude and crazy. I am sorry your sister does not value family over her insane fantasy.
Absolutely do not give her the money. She can do some budget cutting and still have a lovely wedding. If not, she needs to ask your mother for the money since she supports this insanity.
As to all the family she is discussing this situation with, compose a text that says the disagreement between you and your sister needs to stay between you and your sister. The facts are personal and will stay that way. Please do not interfere. Take a nice little weekend getaway during your sister’s wedding and enjoy a little of your own money.