'AITA for refusing to give up my wedding dress after my wedding so my cousin can use it?' UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to give up my wedding dress the day after the wedding?"

So first some context I'm getting married this Saturday and my fiance and I are paying the wedding ourselves well, most of it, there's been some presents here and there, like the liquor from my parents (they insisted) and in from my aunt (whom I have a bit of a tense relationship with) she gave me my wedding gown.

the thing about the wedding gown is it used to belong to my cousin (which is one of my bridesmaids) she was about to get married but they broke things off because he was cheating, but that's another story.

My aunt bought this wedding dress for her and it was brand new, it was never used and they had it sitting on their closet for about a year or two, when she found out I was getting married She got as excited as if I was her daughter as well and told about the dress asking me if i wanted it.

It's not the dress I envisioned to but since we are paying the wedding ourselves and my fiance said that I was going to have to rent a dress because we don't have the money to buy one and I was really sad about that because I wanted to own my own dress I said yes and once I tried it on I fell in love with it.

She gave me that dress as a gift and to alter as I saw fit, but like I said I fell in love with it as it was, but I should've known that dress came with strings.

yesterday I was coming back from a trip visiting my parents and when I got off of plane I found a voicemail from my aunt. she told me that another of my cousins is getting married and she was asking if I could give her my dress the day after the wedding so she could tear it apart and take the lace of it and do with the dress as she wanted for her wedding. It broke me.

This cousin in particular is the favorite of everyone sometimes even of my own parents when we were younger, mostly because she is really charismatic and also she's white and blonde and I'm a little on the darker side, you can imagine, I don't have any rivalry with her.

I adore her and I knew she wouldn't want this wedding dress because I already talked to her about the style of the wedding that she wanted and how she wanted something more Bohemian on the beach so I know she wasn't the one to ask for this. it was just my aunt.

Still, my wedding is this Saturday. I feel like it's the worst timing for my aunt to say this, because I wouldn't be against sharing my wedding dress I was dreaming of. maybe someday I can give it to one of my cousins or maybe to my goddaughter someone that like me wasn't able to buy their own wedding dress and they can have this one.

To have that option taken away from me and to feel like I was given something just to be taken away even before I could use it. I don't know if I'm being irrational here but this has given me a lot of sadness now when I think about the wedding dress. and when I think of my wedding and I'm trying really hard to be happy and be excited this is my wedding week for god sakes.

oh and on top of that my cousin lives in another country and will be leaving like three days after the wedding, so my aunt wanted me to give it to her the day after I get married. I think that also affects me because I don't get to have my wedding dress the day after the wedding.

i just wanted to be able to take my wedding dress back to my home and have it in my closet and I know it's stupid but I've always wanted to have my wedding dress and be able to decide what to do with it so, what do y'all think.

This is what people had to say to OP:

Canadian-gal1733 said:

NTA…… Absolutely not. Did she not give it to you as your wedding gift from her??? You don’t then ask the bride to return the gift! Don’t give up the dress! Politely remind her that she gifted you that dress, and you want to now save it for if you have a daughter of your own to pass it down to.

Just tell her how much the dress means to you, and as it was a gift, you don’t feel the need to now give it to someone else. Keep the dress!! She’s being horrible and frankly rude to expect you to give it to your cousin to tear apart. Keep it and cherish it, until YOU decide to give it away to someone of your choosing.

EnonnieMoss1 said:

NTA - It's not stupid. Call the cousin that doesn't really want the dress, tell her you'd like to keep it if she doesn't really want it. This charming cousin can tell Auntie that she thought Auntie was giving the dress to you as a gift and she doesn't want to disappoint you by taking it because she knows how much this gift meant to you.

Congratulations on your wedding! A lifetime of happiness filled with love for and from your partner is the best gift of all.

DianaBJammin said:

NTA- I would talk w said cousin to see if she even wants the dress. She could have just told your aunt yes cause she didn't want to be rude.

And JadieJang said:

OP, that's SOOOOOO tacky! You aren't even married yet and she's already disposing of the dress SHE GAVE YOU. Text her back and say "AUNT'S NAME, I'm very hurt and offended that you gifted me a dress, and are now taking it back and gifting it to someone else.

You gifted it to me; the dress is mine now, and I will decide what happens to it. *I* will contact COUSIN'S NAME and discuss it with her; it is no longer your concern. This is my final word on the subject."

Then do contact your cousin and ask her what's going on. Don't offer her the dress, ASK her "AUNT'S NAME gifted me FIRST COUSIN'S NAME'S dress and now she's saying she wants to take it back and give it to you. Did you know this?" Don't be accusatory, but also don't frame it in a way that makes it seem that you're okay with it.

The next day, OP shared this update:

So, I did as some suggested and spoke directly with my cousin first, and as expected, she had no idea nor she wanted the dress at all, she's not counting pennies to do the wedding of her dreams like i did so she really doesn't need it and as I mentioned she wants a beach wedding and the style of the dress doesn't match.

After that I sent a text to my aunt saying I spoke to my cousin and that she didn't want the dress, and that I also wanted to keep my wedding dress. She just replied with an "ah ok" knowing her she is upset but I really don't care, now I'm trying to recompose myself and feel like I can be excited again, hopefully I'll stop feeling this pit in my chest.