'AITA for refusing to go to my partner's mother's birthday because he treats me like a doll?'
"AITA for refusing to go to my partner's mother's birthday because he treats me like a doll?"
Legitimate-Home5361
I (20F) have been dating my boyfriend (29m) for about a year. We generally have a good relationship, but there’s a recurring issue that’s really bothering me. He often treats me like a doll or something, and it makes me really uncomfortable.
Recently, we attended a dinner party at one of his friend’s houses. I was excited to go, but also a bit nervous since I don’t know many of his friends well. During the evening, he started talking about how “lucky” he was to have me and made a joke about me being “his little doll.” I know he meant it lightheartedly, but it felt a bit dehumanizing.
The worst moment came when he encouraged me to “model” my outfit for everyone. I had worn this dress that he picked out for me, but when he made the suggestion, my heart dropped. I told him in a low voice that I didn’t feel comfortable, kind of hoping he was joking, especially in front of people I barely knew, but he laughed it off, saying, “Oh come on, don’t be shy! Show them how cute you look!”
When I reluctantly stood up, I could see his friends grinning at me. I felt so exposed and weird. I managed to smile through it, but inside, I was cringing and wishing I could just disappear.
Afterward, I pulled him aside and told him how I felt. I explained that it’s not just about being proud of me, it’s how he presents me that makes me uncomfortable. He told me I was making a big deal over nothing.
This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way. A few weeks ago, he surprised me by showing up at my college campus unannounced. He brought flowers.While it was sweet, I was in the middle of a group project and felt so embarrassed having him there randomly, especially when he started telling my friends how “lucky” he was to have “such a cute girlfriend.”
My friends/classmates were a bit weirded out and ugh idk it was a really awkward moment. When I told him about how I felt, he reacted defensively, saying I was being overly sensitive and that he just wanted to share how much he appreciates me.
He mentioned that I should be flattered he thinks I’m beautiful and that I shouldn’t take it so seriously. This really hurt because I feel like my feelings are being dismissed.
Now I’m questioning myself. Was I wrong to feel humiliated? Should I just accept that he’s trying to show off his girlfriend? I love him, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m being too sensitive or if he genuinely doesn’t see how his words and actions affect me. I’ve never had a relationship before and I’m scared i’m pushing away a good thing, idk if that makes sense but yeah.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
ZombieHealthy2616
So a 28 year old man decided to date a 19 year old? Sis, he is a cad. He 100% is using you to look like the big guy with the sex kitten girl friend. Him asking you to model the dress and insisting was his way of showing off to his friends that you will do whatever he says. It was a show of ownership.
Showing up at your campus was like a dog peeing on your leg. He was trying to assert dominance. Especially showing up during your presentation. He has NO business doing that. There is NOTHING sweet about his behavior. Or cute. Or kind.
Sis, you are in college. You have an entire campus of young men who you have things in common with. Why are you with a guy who treats you like an object? You are so young - you have your whole life in front of you. DO NOT waste these years with a man who is parading his sex toy in front of his friends.
Toss the whole man out and block. And, if he EVER shows up at one of your classes again, tell the prof he is stalking you and have them call campus security. Heck, tell the guys in class he is stalking you - they'll take care of it. They are at prime "want to be a super hero" age.
Ghost3022
I have to say this sounds right. He is doing exactly everything you're saying. And yes he is treating her like a doll-a sex doll to show off to all of his friends! I usually lean on the side of caution when we get only one side, but he's being too obvious!
Comfortable-One8520
NTA. He's a creep. He's got more red flags than a communist parade. He's almost 10 years older than you and this isn't so much about the age gap but more that there's a huge psychological gap between a 29 year old and a 20 year old that's much wider than that between a 30 year old and a 39 year old.
He's fetishizing you. He reminds me of these dudes that fantasize over Japanese or Korean women. Are you Asian by any chance? Even so, he seems to be overly invested in the idea of having a tiny, cute girlfriend.
Biggest red flag of all - he doesn't accept your discomfort with his behaviour and is trying to guilt you into accepting it. A decent man would apologize sincerely and not do it again. You're young, with the rest of your life ahead of you. There are lots of nice guys out there. Don't throw your youth away on creeps.
SufficientBasis5296
Girl, don't walk away - RUN! He is an utter creep. He does not consider you a girlfriend. He considers you a possession to decorate and show off. Your feelings absolutely DON'T matter to him.
You may be in awe of him, but that is only the age gap speaking. He is already alienating you from your peers. He has nothing to offer you other than humiliation and gaslighting. You are describing an abusive relationship in the making.