'AITA for refusing to go on vacation with a newborn?' 'Having a baby isn't going to stop me.'
"AITA for refusing to go on vacation with a newborn?"
Me and my girlfriend (28m/27f) have taken a vacation with her older sister and boyfriend each year the last 4-5 years. We either go on a ski trip, hit a national park we haven’t seen, or just go hiking/camping in the Rockies. We are able to make this trip really affordable only spending money on things that matter to us and we have a very similar taste in what we enjoy to do.
I cherish this yearly trip and the memories we’ve made. A week or so ago, her sister told us she was pregnant and told the rest of the family on thanksgiving. We were all super excited to have a new family member next year! After we ate and were chatting my girlfriend mentioned we booked a trip to Costa Rica in February this led into talking about our yearly trip.
I had gotten sucked into another conversation with family members and when I sat back down with my girlfriend and her sister they say “would you rather go to Colorado in September or go in January to ski” and proceed to show me MUCH more expensive accommodations/rental car/flights ect to travel with a baby.
The baby is due in July so I quickly started crunching numbers in my head that would make the little feller 2-5 months old. I suggested we look into going somewhere much closer maybe a state park or somewhere in the smokeys. We have a small camper...
Just take a 3 day weekend trip to test the waters of vacationing with a baby. I was immediately given the “I'm going to be strong mom speech and having a baby isn't going to stop me from doing things."
I didn’t want to ruffle to many feathers at Thanksgiving so I just ate my feelings of being disrespected and her being selfish (I felt the only input they really wanted from me was my debit card) and nicely said “I’m not going to book anything today."
Once we got home my gf almost immediately mentioned the trip. We had a discussion about how I do not want to fly halfway across the country with a newborn, pay way more for the trip, be able to do way less/enjoy it less, use my vacation time, just be super stressed and how her sister/bf couldn’t afford this trip without us covering half...
Plus the selfishness/irresponsibility (IMO) of even putting the stress/risk on a newborn of flying, the cold, elevation sickness, hiking with a baby while elk are in rut (most dangerous time of year), driving on dangerous mountain roads, etc for us to take turns sitting in the lodge/airbnb so her sister doesn’t miss out on Aspen ski pics this year.
She agreed with all my points and says if we were in her sisters shoes we wouldn’t be planning this trip. She is much more empathetic about her FOMO and thinks we should still go because it’s a “family trip” with the baby. I again brought up going somewhere closer and more affordable for a shorter time.
This trip is just ALOT both financially and mental stress. I’ve been getting the cold shoulder a couple days now starting to wonder is this a family obligation trip or to feed her sister's ego? AITA for refusing to go on or pay for this trip?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Kthaeh said:
NTA. Regardless of the reason, there's no justification for anyone railroading you into spending your money for any purpose, nor pressuring you to use your vacation time in any particular way.
Aside from that, mom-to-be is entirely talking out of her ass about what her future experience of motherhood is going to be. She may have an ideal pregnancy/childbirth/newborn experience. She may have the "easiest" baby ever. And she may well not.
The fact is, she has no clue right now how all sorts of things are going to shake out or what she's going to be capable of doing in the first few months after having a baby. Asking you to pay more while getting less on top of the complete lack of predictability is absurd and incredibly selfish. Your gf's sister and her bf are being aholes.
jcrodeghiero said:
bwahahaha!!!! I’m crying laughing over here!!! oh the plans we make as pregnant women, so many plans, so many ideas & visions of a future that is so bright & cheery………then the baby won’t sleep…won’t eat….wont fart….wtf can’t you fart?!?!….& all those dreams go out the window & you’re in survival mode……..NTA……
Ok-Position7403 said:
NTA. All your reasons are valid, not that you need any of them. But it's out of your budget is one they can't argue with. Hold firm. Chances are pretty good that come closer to trip time, the new parents may regret booking.
Since they're such good friends I'd give a bulletproof explanation even though you don't owe one. "Sorry I need to stick closer to the budget we've done in the past. And once your baby arrives, your needs may change as far as travel & accommodations. Why don't we wait to book until we see what's happening then, and we can plan the best baby's first trip ever!"
Sounds like they just found out about the pregnancy so haven't really had time to wrap their minds around this yet. Regardless, you're not required to go along with their plans just because you've gone together so often. The trip could go just fine, or it could be a hellish misery.
knight_shade_realms said:
NTA this is laughable and insane to do that to a baby. She hasn't experienced pregnancy so she has no idea how hard that can be. Pregnancy can be a breeze or hell on wheels Birth and postpartum, esp with a newborn is rough already. And she wants to drag around a small baby to show she is checks notes a strong mom??
So she'll be a negligent mom? That's just foolish. And personally, you wanting to stay in budget is smart. Frankly, I imagine that they will realize it's not the best idea to travel like that and y'all will be out a ton of money for nothing. Or stuck with a miserable baby who isn't yet sleeping through the night.
Content_Speed_3477 said:
NTA. Your sister is delusional. Newborn babies are so demanding... Whenever I had a newborn, all I wanted to do was nap in any "free" time. Not ski. I'm just wondering, does your sister actually know what having a newborn entails? Has she read books, attended classes, or talked to people who recently had a baby?
diminishingpatience said:
NTA. You have made a range of reasonable points to your girlfriend and she agrees with them. The phrase "family trip" doesn't alter them or make money appear magically so that you can afford to go.