"AITA for refusing to help my dad's pregnant wife?"
I (18f) live with my mom and I'm a senior in high school. My parents and my dad's wife are a messy situation. My dad dated his wife in high school. I think they started going out when they were 15 and things ended when they were 17 because my dad liked my mom.
My parents got together in senior year and stayed together throughout college. I was born right after their college graduations and they broke up when I was 2. After they broke up my dad and his wife reconnected and hooked up a few times.
But then my parents got back together for like 4 months. My mom ended things with dad for good because they didn't work as a couple and because she found out my dad had been hooking up with his wife literally the same day they got back together. My mom wanted no part of that. But who does my dad's wife blame for my parents relationship? My mom.
My dad's wife has hated my mom for as long as I can remember. I was maybe 4 when she and my dad got married. So I don't remember life before her. But I disliked her for most of that time.
I can't speak for 4 and 5 year old me. But that POS my dad's married to (and he's a POS too)? She wished for my mom to die. My mom had cancer when I was 9 and my dad's wife wished for it to kill her so they could have me and she didn't have to deal with "the ex" anymore.
But my mom didn't die and I know that haunts her. I heard her wish death on my mom 5 different times. Twice she said it to my face when I told her I hated her. The other three times she was talking to her family or friends and I listened.
My dad's wife blamed my mom for her miscarrying too and having a stillbirth too. She said my mom took dad away from her for so long that she was too old by the time they were trying to have kids. There were a few times my dad at least tried to be a better dad than he was and would tell his wife to stop dragging me into stuff or telling me bad things about mom.
He fought her because she agreed to take me to see my mom in the hospital one time and she didn't. But honestly mostly he made things worse or he didn't care. He'd ask me to not hold his wife's grudge against her and that it's just insecurity and jealousy on her part.
My dad's wife even tried to demand a DNA test be carried out on me because my mom was nothing but a floozy and I was clearly not my dad's kid. She tried to spread that rumor around so mom told dad to do the test and it proved I was his.
My mom tried to win custody of me a few times. There was always some BS from the judge about needing my dad and stuff. Or how I was too young to decide. Or that the situation wasn't toxic enough.
I was 17 before a brand new judge (we'd had a few) said I was old enough to decide I didn't want to be at my dad's anymore. So that's the choice I made. I didn't go to my dad's house once that decision was reached.
Now my dad's wife is pregnant and her pregnancy is high risk and all sorts of stuff. I don't know all the details. She had a surgery and some time in the hospital to help keep her pregnant.
Her family stayed for a while but now they're gone and dad wanted me to help. He said she needs people checking in on her and stuff and I refused. He pressed it until I stopped responding. Then he told me after a while of me ignoring his request that it would be just like a visit and I didn't need to do any heavy lifting.
So I told him if I visited her I would confront her about all her BS in the past and I asked if he wanted that stress on her now? Or the stress of how repulsive I find her? Dad told me it would be an evil thing for me to do. I told him it was the only reason I'd ever want to see her. He got angry about it and I went back to ignoring him. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. It’s your father’s own fault to be honest. He never shut down the talk about your mom so now he lives with the consequences of you hating his wife. Honestly this woman sounds like a maniac. Who tells a child they hope their mother dies?! That alone would have caused me (as a man) to divorce her for saying that to my child.
WildWavery (OP)
100% my dad should never have let this get so bad. But he couldn't have my mom so he went to his wife. She knows it deep down too and instead of dumping him and finding someone who wants just her, she blames my mom instead. That kind of misplaced anger and blame shows you're not the most rational or mature.
You are 18 now and don't even have to speak to that POS sperm donor.
Tell him to stop the BS or you will cut him off completely. NTA.
WildWavery (OP)
I know and I'm weighing how much contact I want with him at all, if any. I have a therapist helping me decide.
Why would you want any contact? He’s not been a good dad. He only shows loyalty to his wife, despite how awful she’s been to you. Instead, he gaslights you into supporting her, and it doesn’t appear that he’s done anything to make his actual wife grow up and be the adult.
If he had, maybe things wouldn’t have been so bad for more than 13 years. She doesn’t deserve to be a mother with how’s she’s treated you. I wouldn’t be able to hold my tongue with her either. I’d go no contact and cut all contact.
Honestly, your dad's wife a soap opera villain. You should charge her for all the emotional labor she’s put you through.