"AITA for refusing to help a mom in need?"
Two years ago, a struggling mom reached out on a local Facebook group, asking for someone to help her buy Christmas gifts for her daughter. I answered her plea and helped her out. The next year, she had welcomed a second child, had to quit her job to care for her sick mother, and had apparently sold a car so she and her husband could make ends meet. I helped again.
After the second Christmas, she sent me a thank you and a friend request, and I accepted. Her profile was full of TikTok posts that detailed her life as a novice influencer. So many videos of her doing designer shopping hauls, displaying expensive nails, and trying out expensive coffee shops and such.
So basically, she was struggling because of this. I posted something online before about this and people advised me how to proceed. Two weeks ago, she reached out to me again and asked if I could once more help her buy Christmas gifts for her two kids.
I didn't answer right away, but I didn't want to ghost her or anything, so I responded and told her, as advised, that I wouldn't be helping her this year. I told her politely that "it is clear to me that your inability to afford Christmas gifts for your girls stems from irresponsible financial decisions, not being down on your luck like you've claimed."
I apologized and advised her to go shopping at some of the cheaper places I do my shopping at, like Ross, Marshalls, and Burlington. She blew up at me for being so insulting.
She called me an AH for shaming her when she's trying to make a living for her kids by becoming an influencer. She shamed me on the local Facebook group where she originally reached out for help two years ago, posting my name and a snapshot of my Facebook profile on there. She threw in some other accusations that I was racist, sexist, and a cruel person.
I haven't responded to that yet because I don't know if it's just better to not say anything or to defend myself and expose her. I don't think I'm the AH here, but some people have said I should be just helped her out again because I have a stable job and she's just a young mom. I disagree. Did I handle it appropriately? AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Academic-Revenue74 wrote:
At minimum you should let the admin of the local FB page so they can at least stop her from posting about you there. I know our local page admins would block anyone found out to be fraudulently asking for help like this.
OP responded:
I did do this and they're looking into it.
No-Fishing5321 wrote:
NTA. You should not have helped last year. I have 3 kids. They have not always gotten everything they would have liked but at no point did I beg strangers to buy them stuff. There are actual charities out there that she could sign up for. If she doesn't qualify for them, that is probably because she is wasting her money instead of spending it on her kids.
Avgheights510 wrote:
NTA - she's purchasing luxury items for a business that she's trying to get off the ground while asking strangers for handouts. There are better ways to prioritize finances.
Annabloem wrote:
NTA, but I don't think you handled it all that well either. You could have just kept it at "I'm unfortunately no longer able to help you". You didn't have to give her the reason, and then she probably wouldn't have blown up, plus she would have less to use against you.
Do defend yourself in the group against her claims. You don't have to go on attack, but I would give any proof you have/ safe your own reputation/ make her give proof (as long as none exists of course).
Mrminecrafthimself wrote:
I know so many people who would be a lot better off if they would work half as hard at building a “typical” career as they do at finding their special bright and shiny career.
Too many people just flounder around trying to find the perfect thing or make something happen that won’t happen (professional writer, actor, musician, influencer…) when if they’d just picked any lane and applied themselves to it they would have ended up further ahead.
Milkmanleeroy wrote:
NTA. She put herself in this position by design. Never mind the claim that they had to sell a car to make ends meet and that a relative was sick. All of that other stuff certainly can be called into question as well. Regardless of it being true or not, she is her own un-maker by choice.
For all we know, she has a lot of other donor daddies lined up she’s taking advantage of too.
Also, for the Facebook group, try to copy/record the TikTok’s of her posts in question (as to present the evidence in the event she deletes them) and ask “This you?” and leave it at that.
TheKaKaStorm wrote:
NTA - called her on her BS. Needed to be called out. She responds with slander. I would have been nuclear and nastier about exposing her. She is essentially trying to scam people with her false claim because she is unable be responsible. I pity those kids.
maybe-an-ai wrote:
NTA. Post links to her most outrageous Tiktoks. She's scamming those people and roasting your name. You have the receipts. Go scorched earth. Post links to her begging for gifts for her kids back to her tiktok's and let her see influence.
Spiritual_Promise735 wrote:
NTA - No good deed goes unpunished. I'm always skeptical of Facebook groups and other social media sites where people ask for money. Seems like they're likely to have rampant fraud. I'd rather contribute to known organizations that I know I can trust, Toys for Tots, local food banks, etc.
Ksleeve24 wrote:
NTA. You are better than me cause I would have exposed her right off the bat. I’m petty af though.🤷🏼♀️