'AITA for refusing to help my husband's relative clean my house?'
"AITA for refusing to help my husband's relative clean my house?"
For context, I've lived my childhood in a quite small house with my parents both working. My mom was obsessed with cleaning and would do chores everyday after work for years. She did this until she literally got burnt out.
Because of that, I disliked doing chores. Of course I did what HAD to be done, like laundry, dishes, etc. but I just hated it. My mom also vehemently refused to hire some help even though financially we could afford it. The thing is, she let chores run her life, often declining going out or spending time with us because she was "busy at home".
In my twenties, when I also moved out, I started a business, which grew up to be enough to provide a comfortable living. Now given the fact that I also work for it like a full time job. (Even more at times!).
Anyway, time went by, I got married, had a kid and then recently had a second. Discussions are ongoing about a third. Also, because both me and my husband had small houses growing up, we wished to live in a big spacious home. So we did.
Here is the issue. Both me and my husband work full time. He has his own job, I manage the business. We now have two kids. Laundry, dishes and dirt pile up instantly. I grew tired so I told my husband I need help.
Note that we were both involved in doing chores at that time. I suggested hiring a maid, and he agreed, even recommended his distant aunt who does this for a living. I agreed, thinking it's even better to have someone we know around the house rather than a stranger.
The woman started working for us and it was amazing. I no longer had to care for dirty dishes, or laundry or whatever. However, one day, when I was sitting on the couch and the maid was... you know... DOING HER JOB THAT WE PAY HER TO DO, my husband started suggesting we help her. I brushed him off as elegantly as I could, and so did the woman.
That night when she left, he called me out for not helping her. I gave him the biggest wtf stare and asked why would I PAY a maid if I had to also clean. If I needed to clean I AT LEAST WOULDN'T PAY HER, right?
We had an argument when he called me out for not helping her since I'm still on maternity leave (so to say, since I'm managing the business, I decide how much the leave is, the point is I don't work as much as I used to because I want to care for my youngest kid just as I did for my first, but there are times when even so, I'm needed in the office).
I told him the whole reason I hired her was for us NOT TO DO IT OURSELVES anymore. Besides, it's not like I sit around all day, she comes around on alternate days, sometimes with two days break, depending on our schedule, and there are times when something needs to be done and we can't wait for her.
My husband called me a lazy ah and I told him he has no shame since I've given birth less than a year ago, run a business, mind the kids and still find time for him and he complains on me NOT CLEANING THE FREAKING HOUSE, while HE AGREED to get a maid. So, AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Is the situation because she’s his aunt? I don’t think he’s have as much of a problem if she was a random. It’s her job. She doesn’t want help. She wants to be paid and for the client to keep out of her way. When my help comes, I chat and catch up a few minutes, then disappear in another part of the house or go run errands.
The only thing I see that might have made some uncomfortable was being in the same room while she cleaned. You have a big house, go upstairs and or to your office. And don’t bring it up again. It’s not worth a fighting about.
NTA. She's hired to do a job he shouldn't be telling you to help her. Tell him if you are helping her clean the house, he will pay you the same rates you pay her. Or maybe try to not be home when she cleans? Take the kids to a park or something, if you are able to. Just be away so you can't offer to help.
Also, your husband is an ah, for shaming you to help a professional do their job, and insinuating that the professional cannot do the job well enough (because that's exactly what he did).
NTA. If this is something he feels weird about, he’s an adult and can have a frank conversation about it with the cleaning lady / aunt. And, as others have said, your husband can help if it’s such an issue. And him calling you lazy officially makes him the AH. Anyone properly taking care of a baby isn’t lazy, period.
No, plain and simple you Stev not the TA. You pay someone to alleviate a stress so you can have a little breathing room(so-to-speak). Why the hell should you clean?
NTA. You both agreed to hire help specifically so you wouldn't have to clean anymore - that was the entire point. Helping her defeats the purpose of paying her. Your husband needs to clarify what's really bothering him, because his argument makes no sense.
If your husband wants to help... why can't he do it? Why has it got to be you? Also make a point of telling him he needs to tell his relative her wage will be cut as he'll do her work. See if that changes his attitude. Sounds like someone has been whispering in his ear about what you should and shouldn't be doing.