'AITA for refusing to help my parents support the bunch of kids they took in?'
"AITA for refusing to help my parents support the bunch of kids they took in?"
To start with I'm (17m) my parents only bio kid. They never had a lot and they're not super hard working either. They get fired form jobs a lot because they call out a few times a month. We were homeless before.
My parents even got evicted for not paying rent in the past. My mom's family enablers of them. My dad's parents live in another state and are no contact with my parents. But we talk and they send me money every month to help me get by. This is relevant later.
When I was 10 my parents took in mom's sister's kids and her boyfriend's kids. That's two bio cousins and two not cousins. It was all done privately so there wasn't really a social worker involved. Just lawyers and my mom's parents paid for that. It was meant to be a short term thing but they're still here.
When I was 12 my dad agreed to take in his friend's two kids. Again it was done privately and they didn't have a social worker involved. It was just a lawyer and my parents sold stuff to pay for those legal fees because we didn't have the money.
Our house is only three bedrooms so it was really tight and money was tight. My dad's parents wanted to take me in but my parents were like no way and told them to get lost and leave me where I was with my family.
My grandparents looked into fighting for custody but the lawyers they talked to said that was not going to happen. So they started sending me money secretly. It was a little then and it increased in the last year.
When I was 14 my parents took in another kid who's the kid of someone mom used to know or maybe it was someone her sister knew. IDK. I gave up trying to follow. But that was another kid added to the mix.
My parents don't get child support. They don't get help from any of the actual parents. And my parents still treat their jobs like optional chores when they don't want to go. My dad was fired four months ago and he only found a new job a week ago.
I get money every month from my grandparents to cover stuff I might need for school or just to stay sane. It also covers better food than my parents can provide. What I mean by that is I can buy school lunch and get a hot dinner somewhere instead of sandwiches most days for lunch and dinner.
I work part time too. I save some of the money from my grandparents and what I earn. My parents found out about the money after listening to a conversation I had with grandpa a couple of months ago.
Since then they have asked me to help provide for the family. They say I have "siblings" who would love to get extra stuff and how they would love for us all to be more secure.
I got so mad I told my parents to get lost and provide for the kids they took in themselves because that was their choice, not mine, and I'm not picking up their slack.
My parents acted surprised that I would feel that way. They said they thought I loved my "siblings". I wanted to ask if they were insane but figured they'd think I was the insane one.
They really try the guilt trips with me because I'm not helping. Including using the whole the kids are innocent stuff. And the kids being innocent is why I feel a little bad. I just don't want to be responsible for them.
They should be with people who can afford them imo. But there's nothing I can do about it. CPS was called when me and some of the kids showed up to school looking rough and like we didn't eat enough and my parents lied about the kids being there all the time and I wasn't believed when I told the truth. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Certainly not. Start making escape plans for age 18. Get out. See if grandparents will have you; go out of state - get some distance.
Agreed. OP should be looking into getting their documents - birth certificate and such - and make sure to have money un a place the parents can’t get it, either in their own account if they can or one shared with the grandparents, or stashed at a trusted person’s house.
NTA! I’d speak to a counselor at your school. Your parents are neglecting you and the other kids. They may even look into these “adoptions.” You are 17, so I’m not sure of the laws are where you live, but maybe you can leave and go to your grandparents. By the time your parents get any money together to get you back, you’ll be 18.
Make sure you have all your important documents and paperwork. Check your credit score and report to make sure your parents haven’t taken out credit cards or loans in your name.
Your parents are acting like saints for taking in all these kids, but they’re doing it with other people’s money and now they’re trying to guilt-trip a teenager into cleaning up their financial mess. That’s not love, that’s manipulation!
You didn’t choose to bring any of those kids into the house, and it’s not your job to fix the consequences of your parents’ bad choices. The fact that your grandparents send you money because they know how unstable your parents are says everything.
It’s okay to feel bad for the other kids ...they didn’t ask for this either... but your priority right now should be protecting yourself and saving every cent you can. You deserve stability, not to be parentified at 17!!
Can you move in with your grandparent's? I know you're technically still a minor, but what can your patents (who have no money) do? Hire a lawyer to force you back? Even if you can't move in with them can you ask your grandparent to put part of what they are sending you into a savings account so your parents can't get their hands on it?
Ryzayun (OP)
I can't move in with them yet but I will once I'm 18 and finished high school. They started transferring money to me instead of sending it the same way they used to so it's safe.
NTA. I'm sorry those kids are that situation, but it's not your responsibility. I would be clear to your parents that they are neither your kids nor your siblings. You will, I assume, be graduating in May/June. Good. You can leave then.
There obviously won't be any help paying for school, so you need to start planning now. Living with your grandparents and attending a community college and working part/full-time might be a good place to start.
If you have ANY way of working now, do so and save every penny. Don't give your parents a dime -- you'll need that money to get out. I mean, if you can get a job without them knowing, that's the best option.