'AITA for refusing to host my husband’s best friend and his family?'
"AITA for refusing to host my husband’s best friend and his family?"
Matushka_19
My husband has a childhood friend, both the same age. This friend had his wedding during COVID in 2020. Strict measures, you know the drill. At that time, we were living abroad, so crossing borders was nearly impossible.
When he got the invite, we had only been together for a few months, so it was a fresh relationship (they invited him alone). I was working in a COVID ward and managed to get him across the border as a worker in a private car (about an 8-hour journey), and I also got him a PCR test 2 hours before departure (I mention this because the whole arrangement wasn’t easy).
He attended the wedding with a gift (stayed with his parents, wedding was nearby). Four years later, we were getting married in chateau (about 4 hours from both my family and his, so halfway) and invited the friend along with his wife and child.
They said they’d come and make a trip out of it, exploring the area. He was the only friend for whom we paid accommodation right at the venue, just like for family (5* hotel).
I was already struggling with this, as we had agreed not to cover accommodation for friends. It’s also worth noting that this friend is a teacher and the wedding was on a Saturday, a week before the end of the school year.
A few days before the wedding, they called to say they wouldn’t come because he didn’t get leave for Monday and it wasn’t worth the trip for just a few days. We ended up paying for the room since it was too late to cancel. We didn’t receive a gift or even a congratulatory card from them.
Today, they wrote saying they want to visit because they’re going to an event in our city and would appreciate accommodation for them and his sister. I’m against it because I don’t see a reason to take leave, pick them up from the train station, and host them when I don’t view them as friends anymore (no contact throughout the year, no birthday or name day wishes).
My husband disagrees, saying it’s his best friend and I’m preventing him from seeing him.
AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
RMaua
Surely your husband can see his friend without you having to host him?
NTA. But sometimes it is hard to see when old friends are letting us down and using us.
SnooMacarons4844
Exactly, let them get a hotel and the husband can visit with them.
NTA. OP, ask your hubby if he would’ve even heard from his ‘friend’ if they didn’t need a place to stay?
Foamy-lizard
Betting 100 bucks that if this “friends” gets a hotel - they don’t even attempt to hang w her husband cause they weren’t really there for that or care.
DotObjective2153
Nta- tell them unfortunately your house is unavailable to stay at,however hubby would love to catch up for a meal while they're here somewhere out... be interesting to see if he's worth their money to spend a meal with or they're just using him for the convenience of where you live.
diminishingpatience
NTA. Your husband can see him, but that doesn't mean that you have to host all of them.
"they want to visit because they’re going to an event in our city"
They don't want to see you or your husband: they want free accommodation, preferably with transfers.
teresajs
NTA
They aren't coming to visit you and your husband; they just want to use your home as a free Airbnb.
"Unfortunately, we're unable to host you at that time due to other commitments. We'd love to meet up for dinner one evening to catch up, though, if possible. Can you let us know what days you'te available?"
mom_in_the_garden
Tell your husband that HE can host. He does the pre-visit cleaning, bed making, shopping, any cooking, make sure there is a little breakfast each day, all the work. Your only responsibility is to be charming and friendly.
When they leave, your husband strips the beds, washes the bedding and towels, remakes the beds and puts the house into pre-visit order. See how eager he is to host then.
NoraEmiE
Tell him that you understand his friendship and need to accommodate for them. But say you don't have that sort of friendship with them, where they book the invite, where y'all are paying, and then cancel it because it's not worth it and then suddenly then have some other event they want to go to (because their event is worth more than your wedding where they aren't paying a penny).
Tell him you understand that he don't mind spending money for friendship, where they had no greet or wishers for years on any days but that's not your style of friendship, and you won't be playing host, taking extra time for them but you will not stop him from spending time with them and playing host to them by himself.
Alfred-Register7379
NTA. Your husband is holding onto good memories. But these days, their friendship isn't the same. This friend, is only friends....so they won't have to pay for hotel and car rental.
Ok_Smoke_1056
NTA but the friend sounds like a moocher. So this friend's accommodation was paid for so he and his family could attend your wedding but he canceled a few days before the wedding because he couldn't turn it into a free mini vacation? Nice friend. Not even sending a gift or a card as a wedding gift should really tell your husband what a low rate friend this is.
I mean 4 hours drive is not that far so even if they drove up on the Saturday for the wedding, they still had a place to sleep and shower in the morning and explore the area after breakfast but again, they wanted a mini vacation so bailed on the wedding.
What sort of friend does that? BTW, we drove 4 hours just to spend a day with friends and then drove 4 hours back on the same day because these friends were kind enough to invite us to a celebratory lunch.
The second clincher is the fact that they don't contact you throughout the year, but now that they need free accommodation in your city, they suddenly remembered your number? GTFOH.
I understand where you are coming from because we used to have out of town visitors all the time but most were cheap jerks just looking for free room and board. Once we realized that they only contacted us when they'd be passing through our area, we closed our "hotel" and would then say "Cool, would you like to meet up for lunch/dinner?" People stopped coming after that.
Unfortunately, it seems that your husband values this friendship more than his friend does and he will need to see for himself that this friend is indeed a moocher. Let your husband know that you don't appreciate your home being used for free accommodation.
But, as he is your husband's friend, he can play host because you won't be taking time off or cooking/cleaning and you won't be giving up your room for them either (not sure how much space you have in your home but taking in a married couple with a child and his sister is a huge imposition). Your husband may see things very differently when he realizes he has to do everything.
The other solution is to offer to help find them cheap accommodation close to your home and meet for dinner. If the friend dances around this then you and your husband will know they only reached out so they could stay for free. Also, how many days will they be in your city? How will they get around the city? Do they expect you and your husband to take time off work to transport them around?