'AITA for refusing to host Thanksgiving because my family keeps using me as a free hotel?'
"AITA for refusing to host Thanksgiving because my family keeps using me as a free hotel?"
Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and I feel like I’m at my breaking point. For the past five years, I’ve hosted at my house, and it’s gone from being something I genuinely loved to something I absolutely dread. The main issue isn’t the cooking or cleaning it’s how my family treats my home like a free hotel.
They don’t just come for the meal; they show up days early and act like they’re on vacation. My brother brings his kids, who immediately take over the living room with toys, snacks, and whatever mess they can make.
My sister doesn’t lift a finger, claiming she’s “just here to relax,” and my mom spends the entire time critiquing everything I do. She even made me iron the tablecloth last year, saying it was “embarrassing” for the family to eat on wrinkles.
Last year was the final straw. My brother’s kids raided the fridge the morning after Thanksgiving, finishing off the leftover pie I was saving to share with my in-laws that weekend.
No one helped clean up after dinner my husband and I spent two hours washing dishes while everyone else lounged in the living room, drinking wine. When I complained later, my sister rolled her eyes and said, “Well, you’re the one who wanted to host.”
This year, I decided I wasn’t going to do it. Back in September, I told everyone I needed a break and suggested we rotate hosting duties or go out to a restaurant. My mom said I was being selfish and that my house “is the most comfortable.” My sister flat-out refused, saying her apartment is “too small,” and my brother said he’s too busy to host because of his work schedule.
Since then, they’ve been constantly pressuring me to change my mind. My mom even said, “You’re ruining Thanksgiving for everyone,” and my brother promised to “help more this year,” though I’ve heard that before.
Now, with only a day to go, no one has stepped up to host, and the family group chat is a passive-aggressive mess. My mom keeps implying that Thanksgiving might not happen at all if I don’t agree to host, which makes me feel terrible.
On one hand, I feel like it’s unfair for them to expect me to carry the burden year after year, especially when they treat me and my home with so little respect. On the other hand, the idea of Thanksgiving falling apart because of me is making me second-guess myself.
Part of me wonders if I should just suck it up and host to keep the peace, but another part of me feels like I deserve a break too. AITA for standing my ground and refusing to host this year?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. They're just mad their free ride is over. Thanksgiving isn't falling apart because of you, it's falling apart because your family are selfish, ungrateful a^&%oles.
Hopefully, they'll realize that their actions have consequences and make an effort to change their behavior.
I am appalled, tbh. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but when we host holidays, mainly close friends come and I swear to god for a while it feels like a mad house because EVERYONE is helping here and there and it gets to a point where it's so crowded we cannot properly help (in the best way, everyone WANTS to help, I love all of it).
When we finish our plates, at least 3 people stand up to change the plates and bring the next course to the table. When we are done and go to the living room to drink coffee/tea/whatever suits you, everyone tries to help clean up.
Your family is a bunch of freeloaders. Especially your lazy brother his wife and bratty kids. I hate people who take advantage of family just because they’re to lazy to do it themselves and try and guilt you f' them. You’re not the AH. Cook a nice meal for you and your immediate family. Screw everyone else. Make sure to post pics on social media to piss them off.
NTA. "When I complained later, my sister rolled her eyes and said, 'Well, you’re the one who wanted to host.'" Throw this back into her face for literally all of eternity.
NTA. Take your mom saying "thanksgiving might not happen at all" as a blessing in disguise. Don't fold or you'll be stuck repeating it forever.
NTA - Your family's treating you like a free hotel and restaurant. They show up early, make a mess, don't help, and guilt trip you when you set boundaries.
Your house isn't a free-for-all zone just because you've got space. The whole "you wanted to host" excuse is BS - wanting to host doesn't mean signing up to be everyone's maid and chef forever. Stand firm. Let them figure it out. If Thanksgiving falls apart, that's on them for not stepping up, not you. Their lack of planning isn't your emergency.
Pro tip: If you ever host again, set clear arrival/departure times and make everyone pitch in. Or just meet at a restaurant - way less drama.