'AITA for refusing to inherit the family farm and giving it to my younger brother instead?'
"AITA for refusing to inherit the family farm and giving it to my younger brother instead?"
citymousee
I (36M) grew up on a big farm that was owned by my family, who worked as farmers for generations. Much to the detriment of my parents, I hated the farm life from a very young age. I never liked dirt or grime, and farm animals were also never my thing.
So to no one’s surprise I left the farm when I turned 18 and never looked back. I currently live in a big city, I still love my family very much and visit the farm from time to time, but I’m always the happiest when I return to my urban lifestyle.
My mother passed away 3 years ago, and 2 months ago I unexpectedly lost my father due to a work accident. This left my younger brother Tom (30M) and I, as the sole beneficiaries of their estate.
I didn’t expect to be left with much, since my folks helped me out financially more than enough times while they were still alive. I honestly only wanted a couple of family trinkets and heirlooms to keep as a keepsake.
But to my surprise, as my brother and I sat down with the attorney to discuss our father’s will, we discovered that I was left with the majority of the farm (about 3/4) while Tom was left with the rest.
The only reason I can fathom behind this decision is that unlike Tom I have 2 children (10M) and (7F), so maybe that’s why I was given the bigger share? But I’m not entirely sure since my children had their own inheritance in the will. Either way, this split of inheritance was ridiculous, since unlike myself Tom actually lived on the farm and dedicated his entire life to working on it alongside our parents.
I saw that Tom was also shaken up by the decision, so I reassured him that I found it absurd as well and I don’t mind forfeiting the land to him. Tom said I didn’t have to do that but I insisted.
After some back and forth on the topic, we mutually agreed to settle this between ourselves on a later date, when everything would be transferred under our names as our parents intended.
I recently informed my wife Jules (35F) of my decision regarding my inheritance and she is furious with me for wanting to give most of it up. She is arguing that my decision is impulsive and short sighted, since the farm land is worth a fortune and I’m just giving it away without a second thought.
I told her that the land is worth a fortune only for those who actually intend on doing something with it, and since I neither intend to sell it or farm on it, it’s effectively useless to me. Jules continued to say that it might be useless to me, but I should think about our children who might one day want to start farming.
I told her in that case I’ll transfer only half of the land to Tom, so our children could have a 1/4 of the land at their disposal in the hypothetical scenario they get into farming one day. Jules is now not speaking with me until I reconsider my decision, I need to hear some unbiased opinions to see if I’m in the wrong here.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
rhinoregrets
NTA I may be way off but it sounds like your wife saw a load of money slip from her fingers and she's angry rather than seeing the situation for what it is. You wanted nothing to do with the farm but your brother has been there his whole life taking care of it. The split at the very least should have been 50/50.
I think the scenario your wife gave of your children growing up and wanting to start farming is a stretch. You live in the city they are growing up around urban lifestyle I don't know your kids but I don't think they're eager to start living that farm life. If she's that worried keep 1/4 like you mentioned.
ExtendedSpikeProtein
Same vibe, wife feels entitled to the money on behalf of her kids. But honestly in your shoes I’d also transfer half to your brother and keep 1/4. NTA.
Antique_Wafer8605
Keep it separate and if OP dies before the brother, the remaining 1/4 goes to the brother
Otherwise the wife gets OP's share and force brother to buy her out or sell the farm. Wife has no input in this. It's OP's inheritance and I hope he gives it to the brother.
Proof_Option1386
NTA - It's *your* inheritance, not Jules'. You should do what you feel is right, and while she's free to have an opinion on the topic, she's an asshole. She's also full of crap about the farming. She just wants the money.
Fit_Fly_418
Deed it to your brother, with the stipulation if he sells the land you get half. That's what we did.
United-Manner20
NTA you are correct unless the farm is sold, or unless you wanna work it it is worth not much to you. Sounds like your wife was hoping you would take what yours cash out and she would have a nice payday.
It is your inheritance. She’s not entitled to a single penny. Just in case your children suddenly want to start farming, consider doing what you planned and leaving a quarter to them. My sense is that she had big plans for that money.
Similar to when someone leaves a mortgage free home to two parties and one of them buys the other out to retain owner. You’re doing the right thing by your family. it’s yours, do with it whenever you want.
Antelope_31
Nta. Your wife is TA and way out of line. She’s being greedy and she gets no vote. It wasn’t left to her. Ask if she’s looking forward to paying monumental property tax on land you don’t want or need? Your poor brother.
Does she expect you to sell it out from under him? You are a good man, and brother. What’s the likelihood kids raised in the city are suddenly going to want the manual labor life of a farmer? It’s no flipping picnic.