'AITA for refusing to invite my estranged sister to my wedding despite my parents’ threats?'
"AITA for refusing to invite my estranged sister to my wedding despite my parents’ threats?"
I 28f have a younger sister, Emma 25f, who I have been distant from for the last two years. During our childhood, Emma was very adept at manipulation. She repeatedly deceived our parents to get me into trouble, and her dishonesty reached its worst when she said I was stealing money from them when I didn't, resulting in me being grounded for the whole summer.
As we became adults, she didn't improve. During family gatherings, she would instigate arguments, circulate gossip, and overall create an vicious and unwelcoming atmosphere for everyone.
The final straw was when she told our relatives that I was marrying solely for my fiancé’s wealth, which is entirely false and very rude, distasteful, and painful. Following that event, I severed ties with her. It was a tough choice, but I believed it was needed for my mental wellbeing because that night hurt a lot.
Recently, Emma contacted me to apologize, saying that she’s transformed and wishes to restore our relationship to even stronger than it was before. A part of me wishes to trust her, but her past dishonesty makes me cautious and honestly I don't have the guts to believe her (as much as I want to).
Also, my parents are urging me to ask Emma to the wedding. They hold strong conservative views and think that family should always take precedence, regardless of circumstances.
They believe the wedding might provide an opportunity for reconciliation between her and me. Nonetheless, I’m afraid that she might create chaos and completely ruin the wedding. My fiancé backs me in any decision I make and also shares my worries about possible conflict.
The situation got worse when my parents said they would not come to the wedding if Emma is not invited. This seems like emotional manipulation, and it’s breaking me down and I don't know what to do.
I care for my parents and have always envisioned their presence on my special day, but I also refuse to be compelled to invite someone who has caused me significant pain.
To make it even more complicated, our wedding budget is restricted, and our guest list is already at its limit. Inviting Emma would involve excluding someone else, such as a good friend, which feels unfair.
AITA for not inviting my estranged sister to my wedding, even if it could result in my parents not attending? Should I offer her a second chance, or prioritize my peace on my wedding day?
Edit: Emma’s apology seemed sincere, but I can’t tell if it’s real given her track record. Also, my fiancé and I are paying for the wedding ourselves, so I feel like it’s our call who gets invited.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
DEFINITELY NTA, your sister is crazy if she thinks she deserves an invite after the years of torture she put you through, and that definitely did seem like emotional manipulation from your parents.
If it were me and they were making claims like that because i didn’t invite my sister who i cut ties with YEARS AGO, i would officially take back their invite, it’s sound to me like they don’t deserve you more your time and love.
Does she want to come? And rebuilding trust, if you choose to go that route, should happen on your terms, at your pace, and in a low-stakes environment, not during a once-in-a-lifetime event.
NTA - Just a thought. She goes from this:
"The final straw was when she told our relatives that I was marrying solely for my fiancé’s wealth."
To this:
"Recently, Emma contacted me to apologize, saying that she’s transformed and wishes to restore our relationship to even stronger than it was before."
She just wants the Christmas gifts, the vacations, etc etc that comes with you marrying into wealth. Think about it. If your fiance wasn't wealthy, would she bother to reach out and apologize? You said that all of your life she has been manipulative.
This is a textbook example of that. She wants a "stronger" relationship than before but did you guys even have a relationship before? She's thinking about her and what she can get out of your marriage. Stick to your guns, OP. This is a hill to die on.
Your parents and maybe also Emma is again manipulating you. The path to restoring a relationship doesn't start at your wedding. If Emma has really changed she will wait and allow things to develop at your pace.
I believe Emma's call was planned to get an invite to your wedding and not the first step to relationship restoration. Your parent's threat makes me suspect that the 3 of them planned it.
I would tell your parents that Emma is not welcome at your wedding and if they choose not to attend your wedding they will have to deal with the consequences. Tell them that them missing your wedding will be because of a choice they made.
NTA. It goes without saying your sister is a nightmare. wanting to restore your relationship to "stronger than it was before" is pretty silly, considering it was not strong at all, and that any strength was likely due to your repeatedly letting her off the hook for being horrible.
The manipulation your parents are pulling is, IMO, more unforgivable. They are signaling that your feelings don't matter. Of course you've pictured them at your wedding, but ask yourself if you want someone there who has so little regard for your emotional well-being.
NTA. Explain to your parents why you don’t want her there. If they don’t then come that’s on them and is their problem, not yours. If your sister does come you and your fiancée will be on high alert all day waiting for her to cause chaos, even if she doesn’t. It’s your special day and you want to make it as happy as possible.
She does not deserve an invite, and family that traumatize and manipulate you should definitely be sidelined. If she really wants to make it up to you, she can do that after the wedding.