'AITA for refusing to invite my sister’s BF to my wedding after what he did at my engagement party?'
"AITA for refusing to invite my sister’s BF to my wedding after what he did at my engagement party?"
When I got engaged six months ago, my fiancé and I decided to keep things intimate for the engagement party. We only invited close friends and family. My sister insisted on bringing her new boyfriend, even though they had only been dating for about two months. I didn’t want to cause drama, so I agreed, thinking it wouldn’t be a big deal. I was wrong.
During the party, everything was going smoothly until her boyfriend got a bit too drunk. He started making jokes about marriage being “a trap” and called my fiancé “brave” for “signing up for a lifetime sentence.”
Everyone laughed awkwardly, trying to move past it, but then he crossed the line. He said, loudly, that my fiancé must have proposed because I “look like I’d never find someone better.” The room went silent. My fiancé was visibly upset, and I felt humiliated in front of my own family.
My sister was embarrassed and pulled him aside, but she didn’t make him leave. I expected her to apologize later, but she just texted me the next day saying he had “a weird sense of humor” and that I shouldn’t take it personally. Since then, I’ve barely spoken to her.
Fast forward to now, we’re planning our wedding for next summer, and my sister asked if she could bring him again. I told her no. I said he disrespected me and my fiancé, and I didn’t want that kind of energy at my wedding.
She blew up, saying I was “punishing her for his mistake” and that if he wasn’t invited, she wouldn’t come either. My parents think I should just let it go for the sake of family peace, but honestly, I don’t feel comfortable around him anymore.
Now my sister isn’t talking to me, and my mom says I’m being dramatic. But part of me feels like this is my wedding and I should be allowed to decide who comes. Still, I’m wondering if maybe I overreacted by banning him completely. AITA for refusing to invite my sister’s boyfriend to my wedding?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Is this a repost? This is almost exactly like another post in the last month.
Yeah. I mean it's possible that this has happened more than once, but it just hits all the usual points. Up to, and including, the mother insisting she gives in to keep the peace. Balance of probabilities says this is just a stupid karma farming post.
NTA-your wedding and your rules. I wouldn’t want anyone who disrespects me at my wedding either.
NTA. You don’t have to invite someone who openly disrespects you to your wedding. Anyone who says you should is delusional.
Nah bro, NTA at all. This is YOUR wedding, not a fam peace negotiation. Dude massively disrespected you & your soon-to-be spouse at your own party, & ur sis didn't even manage a proper apology? Smh, sorry but those 'jokes' were a trash move, plain & simple. Stand ur ground, mate.
Can't be risking toxicity at a day that's all about love and happiness. If the sis can't see that and would rather side with a dude like that...well, maybe she needs to revaluate a few things. Just sayin'. You keep doing you. Congrats on the wedding, btw! 🎉
NTA. You don't say, but I assume he hasn't actually apologised himself? I can remember the pressure of those sort of "first meetings", combined with maybe one too many to settle the nerves... But if he hasn't given you a genuine apology, why would anyone expect him to be invited?
NTA-tell your mother to back off and tell your sister to “let it go for the sake of family peace.” Do not allow yourself to continue to be abused just because abuse your sister is throwing a tantrum. You are not being dramatic. Your family is being horrible!!
No, you’re not the AH. He disrespected you and your fiancé at your own engagement party it’s completely fair not to want him at your wedding. Your boundaries are valid.
NTA. The fact that your sister is still seeing him is problematic on its own. I'd say invite the sister, without a plus one. She can choose if she wants to attend solo or not.
NTA. Would you invite a vegan to an all-meat appreciation party? My baby back ribs think not. This isn’t the party for the guy to attend with his wedding shaming. Just be ready for you sister to skip the wedding and don’t hate her for it.
NTA! I wouldn't want sister there for being pushy, not checking her boyfriend, and now being selfish. Your mom can either shut it and be a part or get disinvited too. Im tired of seeing these stories where people can't distinguish right from wrong.
NTA. You were generous to extend an invitation to your sister after she failed to properly apologize for bringing an inconsiderate idiot to your engagement party and even excused his behavior. It's better for everybody if she doesn't attend.
Please!! For the love of all things!! Read through the subreddit first to see if the story has not been written a thousand times!! Yes you cannot invite anyone you choose it is you wedding, BUT others can refuse to come because of your decision! It is all ok! Holy crap is this question over asked.
No, you are not the AH at all. I bet this guy does those sorts of things A LOT when he is drunk, and your sister is still at the point in the relationship where she's sure she can fix him. She cannot fix him and one day either he will sober up or she will bail. Hopefully, before she's wasted too much of her life making excuses for him. But you should not risk your wedding.