'AITA for refusing to let my brother’s fiancée wear white to my wedding?' 'I don’t want a confrontation.'
"AITA for refusing to let my brother’s fiancée wear white to my wedding?"
So, I (27F) am getting married in March to my fiancé (28M). We're keeping the wedding fairly traditional, and I’ve been looking forward to this day for years. Here’s where the problem comes in: my brother’s fiancée, Emily (25F), approached me at our family Christmas gathering and casually mentioned that she found the “perfect dress” for my wedding.
She pulled up a picture on her phone, and it was a full-on white gown. Not off-white or cream—straight-up bridal white. I was a little taken aback and said, “Oh, Emily, I don’t think that’ll work. Brides usually wear white, and it might confuse people.” She kind of laughed it off and said, “It’s fine, I’m not trying to upstage you or anything. I just love how I look in white.”
I told her I’d prefer if she found something else, but she brushed me off and said, “It’s your day, no one’s going to mistake me for the bride.” I brought this up with my brother, and he got defensive, saying I’m “making a big deal out of nothing” and that Emily is “just being herself.” He also accused me of being insecure if I think people will actually think she’s the bride.
I’m honestly upset. I don’t want a confrontation, but I feel like it’s common knowledge not to wear white to a wedding unless you’re the bride. My fiancé agrees with me, and so does my mom, but my brother and Emily are acting like I’m a control freak.
I told Emily again (nicely) that she’s welcome to come in any other color, but wearing white is a no-go. She rolled her eyes and said she didn’t understand why I was being so “uptight” about it. Now I’m wondering if I’m overreacting? So, AITA for sticking to this boundary?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
RipBackground6021 said:
NTA. It’s basic wedding etiquette not to wear white unless you’re the bride. Emily’s refusal to respect that is rude and attention-seeking, no matter how much she “loves how she looks in white.” You’re not being a control freak; you’re asking for a very reasonable boundary on your wedding day. If she can’t respect that, that’s on her, not you.
rongdog said:
I think you’re totally in the right here. It’s your wedding day, and you should feel comfortable with how everything goes down, including what guests wear. Wearing white is traditionally reserved for the bride, and it sounds like you’ve communicated your feelings pretty clearly.
Petalwillow said:
NTA at all. It's your wedding and u get to set the dress code. It's super disrespectful of her to even suggest wearing a white gown. Like is she trying to steal your thunder or sum? It's not abt insecurity, it's abt basic courtesy.
Suspicious-Donkey16 said:
NTA, if your soon to be SIL is like this now, I’d hate to see what she’s like in 5 or 10 years time. If she does end up coming and wears white to your wedding, when it’s her wedding, you should try and get as many guests as possible to wear white to her wedding “since you guys all like how you look in white too."
Jazzlike-Bird-3192 said:
Tell her you’re planning on re-wearing your wedding gown to her wedding because you like how you look in white. She doesn’t need to worry. Nobody will mistake you for the bride that day. I would hire security. If she shows up in a white dress, don’t let her in. NTA.
Particular_City6765 said:
NTA! It is your day! I thought it was common knowledge that it is NOT okay to wear white to a wedding? SMH at her for reacting so childlike when you handled it very nicely...I would have flown off the handle if I was you lol.