'AITA for refusing to allow my ex-husband's new wife to homeschool my children?'
"AITA for refusing to let my ex-husband's wife homeschool my children?"
I (31f) share two children (9m & 8f) with my ex-husband Aaron (35m). Aaron's cheating ended our marriage and before long he had moved in with Nicole (34f) and her children (11, 10, 8 and 6). Aaron and Nicole have a 2 year old together and they're expecting another child.
Even before Aaron and Nicole met she homeschooled her children. While my kids attend public school. This was mentioned as a problem before they were even married but I ignored them. Now this has come up again and they are being a thorn in my side about it.
Nicole said it is unfair for her children to see mine go to school while hers do not. She told me her kids have become jealous and it's causing issues for her parenting and for her and Aaron's family. I told her this was not my problem and she needed to figure out how to manage that. As that is the life of blended families. Not everything will be the same or equal for the kids from different marriages.
Aaron asked me to homeschool a few times and I told him I would not entertain the idea. He even asked the kids who were worried when they came to me about it. They didn't want to leave their friends and teachers and they didn't want to stay home all day like Nicole's kids. I reassured them I would not be saying yes to homeschooling for them.
Now Nicole and Aaron are on a mission to make me agree to Nicole homeschooling my kids alongside hers. Apparently they have the 2 year old started into some form of pre-k homeschooling and they feel it's only fair for my kids to join in too. I said no. I even had my lawyer send their lawyer a letter officially stating my position on this. My lawyer has also documented everything.
They asked their lawyer to take this back to court and get a judge to overrule me but their lawyer told them this would not go in their favor. My ex was so unhappy about it that he told me all of this and it gave me the chance to document that also.
Now they're claiming I don't have a good reason to refuse other than to disrupt their home and to keep Nicole from playing a bigger role in the lives of my children. And to prevent sibling bonding between Nicole's kids and mine. I told them I have many reasons to say no and they just need to accept it. I stopped replying after this.
But since school ended for the summer I have been inundated with pressure from them over this. They are worried that I'll send them to school in September as planned. Which will happen. I feel like the kids wanting to go to school should also count and I told Aaron this before. But AITA for not being willing to try? Is it really so hard to believe I just want my kids to attend school normally?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
K_A_irony said:
NTA. You are looking out for your kids. How do you even know this woman is QUALIFIED to teach your kids crap. Work with your lawyer to get some sort of cease and desist on this topic to where they can't keep bringing it up. The good reason to refuse is your kids are doing well academically and socially where they are and there is no reason to risk changing that.
I would be tempted to ask your lawyer if there is anyway you can trigger an evaluation of the new wife's kids in terms of their progress in homeschooling. My guess is they are WAY behind.
OP responded:
I know they are behind in some areas because of her stance on them. I doubt she teaches science of any kind, for example.
Obi-Juan_Valdez said:
Absolutely NTA. “No, thanks, A-aron, I’m going to continue to trust the professionals over your current wife. Her comfort is not my concern.”
notsoreligiousnow said:
NTA. I’m sorry but rarely have I ever seen homeschool work as the better option. Unless she’s a highly qualified credentialed teacher teaching them district or state approved curriculum, it’s a no from me. Keep your kids in public school and have your lawyer send them a cease & desist letter. If they keep fighting this, go back to court to limit their visitation bc what they’re doing is harassment and wrong.
OP responded:
Same. And I don't trust her as my kids' teacher anyway. There's a very real belief difference that I would not want taught to my kids for their education.
Srvntgrrl_789 said:
NTA. Please please please DON’T let your ex’s wife homeschool your children. They’ll miss out on essential socialization, and critical thinking skills they can only acquire through public education.
I’m thinking this may also be a way for your ex and his wife to make a case for parental alienation. I hope you’re documenting all of these interactions and sending them to your family attorney/family court.
OP responded:
I am. My lawyer gets everything and has documented all the correspondence on this.
AgonistPhD said:
NTA. The problem with Nicole's children could easily be solved by her sending them to school.
OP responded:
She would never do this. That was made clear to me 100x already.
AnGof1497 said:
NTA, stick to your guns. Could your lawyer change the custody agreement in your favour?
And OP responded:
No, we don't have anything to get custody changed. Even this.