'AITA for refusing to let my daughter be in wedding photos after she was uninvited due to her tantrums?'

"AITA for refusing to let my daughter be in wedding photos?"

First, I've never posted before so forgive me for any bad formatting. I (30F) have a daughter, Lily (5F). My brother, James (32M) and his wife, Brittany (26F) got married in July. I was 'friendly' with Brittany for before they were dating/engaged but we weren't friends. James and I are very close though.

When James first proposed to Brittany and they started wedding planning it was made very clear to me that Lily & I would be apart of the wedding. Throughout the wedding planning process it was reiterated that Lily would be a flower girl and I would be MOH.

A few weeks before the wedding Brittany came to my house to talk to me. She explained that her family had raised concerns about kids attending the wedding and Brittany/James have decided to make the ceremony child free but that Lily was more than welcome to come to the reception. I tell her something along the lines of 'Ok, it's your wedding. I love my brother so I'll do whatever he asks of me.'

Fast forward to the rehearsal, we line up and everything is going as expected until Brittany's 3 nieces (5F/7F/8F) walk in as a JR bridesmaids. I'm confused and slightly annoyed but whatever. After James pulls me to the side and says that Brittany was worried that Lily would 'accidentally ruin the wedding with a temper tantrum' and that's why they lied about the wedding be child free.

I explained to James that this really pissed off and it hurt that they think that about my child but it's fine. I had already arranged for my friend to watch Lily during the ceremony and then meet me for the reception. James said he understood my feelings and didn't agree with Lily not being invited.

The day of the wedding Brittany asks where Lily is and why she wasn't there while we got ready. I explain that she is with a friend and will be at the reception later. Brittany then says she's going to call so Lily can be brought over for the pictures because people will ask why she's missing in pictures and it will make her look bad. I told her she can call but my friend knows the situation and won't come until I ask her to.

Brittany called James to have him 'make me stop being a petty bitch' but he said he knew the plan and didn't see a problem with it. She then asked what they're supposed to tell people when they look at photos and ask where Lily is. I said to tell them that she wasn't invited since she has too many temper tantrums.

She called me a bitch and said I was taking things too personally. After that the wedding was awkward to say the least (there was a lot of drama within the wedding party that had nothing to do with this situation).

James texted our family group chat with a link to the wedding photos. Now extended family has been reaching out wanting to know why Lily isn't in any pictures and I have explained the situation. My mom is on my side but all my aunts/uncles said that I'm a petty @$$hole. So AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

TheDrunkScientist said:

What an absolute shitshow. NTA. Your daughter wasn't invited so why should she be in pictures? Although, I'm curious. Why is your family so concerned about your daughter having a temper tantrum? Is this a pattern with her?

OP responded:

No, she doesn't throw temper tantrums on a regular basis. It's definitely not a pattern and is very out of the norm for her.

Major_Barnacle_2212 said:

NTA. She got her wish. Lily was not at the wedding and was at the reception. Which is why sometimes we have to be careful what we wish for. The photos represent things perfectly.

lotus_eater123 said:

When people ask, be sure to add how the bride lied to you about the wedding being child-free. NTA.

Motor_Business483 said:

"After James pulls me to the side and says that Brittany was worried that Lily would 'accidentally ruin the wedding with a temper tantrum' and that's why they lied about the wedding be child free. " This was the point where I would have left the wedding.

NTA. "She then asked what they're supposed to tell people when they look at photos and ask where Lily is. I said to tell them that she wasn't invited " .. A completely reasonable way to handle it. Telling the truth is fine.

Delicious_Wish8712 said:

NTA at all. Your child is not a prop. I think you were remarkably polite.

subsailor1968 said:

NTA. Were you petty? Yes. Did the bride deserve it? Definitely!

Few-Entrepreneur383 said:

NTA she wanted to exclude your daughter without it being memorialized in photos so she can feel better about herself; you can't invite someone JUST for photos & then exclude them from the wedding festivities.

It's either an all or nothing situation & even if Lily did have a tantrum, I'm sure you would have done what you could have in the moment to minimize the impact on their celebration but they made the choice for you to exclude your daughter.

She later shared updated her post to answer some questions:

1.) Does my daughter as a history of throwing temper tantrums? No, throwing temper tantrums is out of the norm for her.

2.) How I was MOH without knowing other kids would be involved in the wedding? I was originally just a bridesmaid but drama within the wedding party is the reason Brittany 'promoted' me to MOH.

3.) Just to clarify the timeline a little bit: James & Brittany did first look/couple photos the week before the wedding. On the wedding day itself the only picture that we taken were get ready/bridal party & family photos.