'AITA for refusing to let my mom back into my life after she abandoned me?'
"AITA for refusing to let my mom back into my life after she abandoned me at 12?"
When I was 12, my mom walked out. No fight, no warning, no explanation...she just packed her bags and left with her new boyfriend. After that, nothing. No calls, no letters, no birthdays. Just silence.
My dad raised me on his own. He worked two jobs, sacrificed sleep, and gave up everything to make sure I had food and a roof over my head. He showed up to every school event, every milestone, every hard moment. He’s the one who was there, and he’s my real parent in every way that matters.
One of the worst memories I have is from middle school. I won a big award, and everyone else had both parents there taking pictures and cheering. I stood there alone with just my dad, trying to smile while feeling this huge hole where she should have been. That day it hit me, she didn’t care enough to come back, no matter how important the moment was.
I used to cry myself to sleep wondering why she didn’t want me. For years, I kept hoping she’d come back. Eventually, I stopped waiting. I built walls around myself and told myself I didn’t need her.
Now, 15 years later, out of nowhere she reaches out. She says she’s sorry, she misses me, and she wants to “be part of my life again.” She’s acting like we can just pick up where we left off.
I told her no. I said I don’t want to rebuild a relationship after all this time, especially when she chose to leave and made no effort to come back. She cried, said I was “cruel” and “heartless,” and some extended family I barely talk to are pressuring me to “be the bigger person” and “give her a second chance.”
The truth is, she feels like a stranger to me. I don’t know her anymore. But there’s a tiny part of me that wonders if I’ll regret shutting the door on her forever. So, AITA for refusing to let my mom back in after everything?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
PeachyBuuzz said:
You’re not the AH. She made her choice when she left and stayed gone through all the years you needed her most. Your dad was the one who showed up, sacrificed, and gave you love. You’re allowed to protect yourself now. Saying no doesn’t make you cruel, it makes you honest about what you can and can’t handle.
OP responded:
Thank you for saying this. I think that’s what I keep circling back to...she made her choice all those years ago, and my dad never once wavered. He’s the one who sacrificed everything for me. I guess I needed to hear that saying no doesn’t automatically make me “cruel,” it just means I’m being honest about my limits.
BlushNudge said:
It’s okay to feel conflicted, but you don’t owe her access to your life just because she suddenly wants it. Trust is earned through consistency, and she gave you neither. If she feels like a stranger, that’s because she chose to be one. You’re allowed to close that door for your own peace and focus on the family who’s actually been there for you
OP responded:
This really hit me, “trust is earned through consistency.” You’re right, she never gave me that, and that’s why she feels like a stranger. I think I’ve been carrying guilt for even considering closing the door, but framing it as protecting my peace and focusing on the people who have been there makes a lot of sense.
Minktek said:
Hm. She immediately started calling you names? Nah , she hasn't changed, is still selfish and obviously needs something. I'd probably tell the family where was this bigger person when she walked out. And let them know if they keep it up you're blocking them.
Sondari1 said:
I would write back to those extended family members and ask: exactly who was cruel and heartless when you were young and deeply vulnerable and needed a mom?