'AITA for refusing to let my sister-in-law stay with us after she called me a bad mother?'
"AITA for refusing to let my sister-in-law stay with us after she called me a bad mother?"
So, a little backstory: I(27F) and my husband, Tom(32M) have a 3-year-old son who we will call Jacob. We live in a small, two bedroom apartment. My sister-in-law, Nina(29F) has been going through a rough time recently—she broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years and got laid off from her job, so she’s been looking for a place to stay until she gets back on her feet.
she had called me last week to see if she could stay for a little while, which I had agreed to, but I did set a few boundaries. I told her that since space is tight, she’d need to sleep on the couch in the Living room and respect our rules about the noise level since Jacob goes to bed at 8:30. Which she said that she was totally fine with that.
Everything was going fine for the first couple of days. But then, Nina started to make comments About how I “spoil” Jacob Because we don’t have a strict screen time And we sometimes let them stay up a little bit later on the weekends. I know it’s not what everybody does, but it’s what works for us, and Jacob is happy and healthy.
yesterday, we had gotten into a heated argument. Nina said I was “setting him up for failure” by not having more structure and “giving in to every whim.” She also said I was ”a bad mother” for letting him have snacks before dinner and not enforcing more discipline.
I was pretty hurt by this, so I told her that if she was going to insult my own parent team, then she could find another place to stay. I had also made it clear that I loved her, But I wasn’t going to tolerate her insulting me and my child in my own house.
Nina left in a huff and texted me later saying I was being “unreasonable” and “too sensitive.” She’s now upset and hasn’t spoken to me since. Tom is on my side, but I’m starting to feel really guilty.
I know Nina has been through a lot recently, but I don’t think it’s okay for her to attack my parenting, especially when she‘s staying in my home. So, AITA for kicking her out after she called me a bad mother?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA, she can give her so much needed opinion somewhere else.
She resents you for having your act together while her life is falling apart and is taking the opportunity to try and make you feel bad the only way she can. NTA.
NTA. She’s acting like you’re like letting your child scream and attack people. You’re just giving him occasional snacks and letting him stay up a little late sometimes. Total crash out of something that literally doesn’t even involve her remotely. There’s no reason to feel bad. She can find somewhere to stay.
NTA. She needs to hear the truth. If she’s being disrespectful, she needs to understand that. If she’s unwilling to comprehend and accept that, then she’s got bigger issues. Maybe that’s why she’s single now and maybe that’s why she was in the batch that got “let go” at work. She really needs to grow up.
NTA. It always astonishes me when child free people give children raisin advice, like in this case. The one "unreasonable" and way "too sensitive" is Nina. Why does she care for Jacob's screen time????
On what grounds she dares to say you're “setting him up for failure”???? Is she the top child care specialist on the world??? Nina was being very entitled. So now she has to find a place to live where they tolerate her entitlement. Good luck with that.
NTA - Forget Nina. She was freeloading off of you and made horrible comments about you. She is criticizing your parenting, when she doesn't have her own child. The witch can get stuffed and I am not surprised her BF broke up with her.
Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Your SIL apparently needs to learn this lesson. Don't feel guilty about it. She might be going through a bad time but she's old enough to know how to keep her mouth shut and mind her own business.
Never let anyone disrespect you in YOUR HOME- do I need to say that again??? My God- you and your husband are the only ones to make rules in your home. Was she paying you for said couch???? Nope.
You did the right thing and she the one who needs to bend the knee and apologize. Even after that she needs to stay away and work on herself. You did the right thing. Do not take her back as if you do - you’ll regret it.
Yeah NTA, that’s the short. Here is somewhat longer. Sis seems to create drama and then blames your reaction to her drama. Also beggars can’t be choosers, especially family.
No matter how right your sister sounds, it should have been addressed differently. And if you are convinced your parenting is good, maybe work on thickening your skin a bit. Lastly maybe sis is deep down a little jealous of your family and situation.
Your SIL might be correct.
BUT
She needs to know her place. But, given she is asking for sizable favor .... It's part of being an adult. To speak up about bad parenting, I think examples need, to be egregious... Video game addiction affects most young boys.