'AITA for refusing to let my sister borrow 15K from my inheritance to pay for her dream wedding?'
"AITA for refusing to let my sister borrow 15K from my inheritance to pay for her dream wedding?"
So for context, my dad passed away three years ago and left me (28F) and my sister (26F) each a portion of his estate. He was very intentional about how he divided things.
My sister got the house (which was already mortgage free) because she lived with him and cared for him toward the end. I, on the other hand, got a lump sum of money, about $50,000, because I had moved out years earlier and was already renting my own place.
My sister has always been a little reckless with money. She works, but she’s constantly taking trips, buying luxury items, and upgrading her car every couple of years. Meanwhile, I’ve been using my inheritance responsibly: I paid off a huge chunk of my student loans, built an emergency fund, and I’m saving for a down payment on a house.
Here’s where the problem starts. My sister got engaged last year and is planning a massive, over-the-top wedding. We’re talking a $60K budget with a fancy venue, custom dress, and an open bar for 300 guests.
She recently came to me and asked if she could “borrow” $15K from my inheritance money because she and her fiancé are short. She swore up and down that she’d pay me back “within a year” once they got their finances in order.
I told her no. That money isn’t just sitting there for me to throw around, it’s for my future. Plus, given her history with money, I don’t believe she’d ever pay me back. She flipped out, crying about how “Dad would want her to have the wedding of her dreams” and how I’m being selfish because I “already used the money to better my life” while she hasn’t gotten anything out of hers yet.
My mom sided with her and told me I should “help family” and that “weddings are once in a lifetime.” But my fiancé (29M) and friends think I’d be insane to hand over $15K for a party. My sister and I haven’t spoken properly in weeks. She’s told extended family that I’m ruining her big day because I’m “hoarding money.”
For the record, if she had asked for a smaller amount for something important (like medical bills or emergency expenses), I might have considered helping. But a luxury wedding? No.
Now I’m being painted as the villain, and I can’t help but wonder if I’m being too rigid. AITA for refusing to lend my sister $15K for her wedding even though I got inheritance money?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
BubblyJolly said:
You’re not being rigid at all. A wedding is a one-day party, and it makes no sense to jeopardize your financial future for it. You’ve been responsible with your inheritance, and she chose to spend hers differently, that’s not your fault.
OP responded:
Thank you for saying that. That’s exactly how I feel, it’s one day versus the rest of my life. I’ve worked hard to be responsible with what I was given, and it feels unfair that I’m being painted as “selfish” just because I don’t want to throw away my future stability for someone else’s choices.
JoyousJeweel said:
Honestly, with her track record there’s no way she’d pay you back. Your dad divided things fairly, and you’re under zero obligation to fund her “dream wedding.” Standing your ground here is the smartest move
OP responded:
Exactly this. Even if she promised to pay me back, I know deep down it would never happen. My dad knew what he was doing when he split things, he took her habits into account. I’m not going to let guilt-tripping undo that. Standing my ground is the only way to protect myself.
Icy-Doctor23 said:
NTA. Ask her to sell the house and split the profits with you and then she can have her money
OP responded:
Honestly, that’s exactly it, she got the house, I got the money. If she wants more cash, then maybe it’s time she sells the house and we can talk about splitting those profits. But funny how “sharing” only comes up when it’s my inheritance on the line.
AsparagusCool3830 said:
Sounds like her budget is actually $45k, not $60k. Don’t give her a dime, it’s not your responsibility and you have zero obligation.
Opening_Hawk_6349 said:
Nope you’ll never see that money again
And OP responded:
Exactly. If I hand that money over, it’s gone forever. My sister’s “I’ll pay you back” track record is zero, and I’m not gambling my future on her promises.