'AITA for refusing to let my wife’s daughter move in after a past conflict with my son?'

"AITA for refusing to let my wife’s daughter move in after a past conflict with my son?"

I’ve been married to my wife, Laura, for about two years. We both have kids from previous relationships. I have a son [20M], Jake, who’s in college. Laura has a daughter [22F], Emily, who just graduated and is currently job hunting.

Last summer, Jake stayed with us for about six weeks between dorm leases. Emily was around a lot too, and honestly - it was tense. They didn’t really get along. No big fights or anything, just a lot of awkward silence and weird energy. Emily made a few comments about the house feeling “crowded", and Jake mostly kept to himself.

About a month in, Emily said she lost some cash and a pair of earbuds. She told Laura, who brought it to me. I confronted Jake about it - he got pretty upset, said he didn’t take anything, and felt like he was being accused unfairly. Said it felt like he wasn’t welcome. He ended up leaving early to stay with a friend. We barely talked for a while after that.

A couple months later, Emily found the missing stuff in an old gym bag. Said it was probably just stress, a mistake. But she never actually apologized or took responsibility. No sorry, no real acknowledgment of what that put Jake through. I told Laura that it was messed up, and that Jake was hurt by it. She said she understood, but didn’t want to push Emily.

Now Emily wants to move in with us temporarily while she looks for work. Laura says it’s fine and won’t be for long. I said no. I don’t trust the situation, and I don’t want a repeat of last summer. Laura says I’m being harsh and holding a grudge. A few friends say I should let it go - that "family is family" and I should try to move on.

But I feel stuck between keeping the peace in my marriage and protecting my son. Jake hasn’t said much about it, but I know he still feels weird about what happened. And Emily’s never really owned up to it. Am I being unreasonable for saying no to her moving in? Or am I just trying to avoid another mess? AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

TemptingPenguin369 said:

You caused this. From this, "About a month in, Emily said she lost some cash and a pair of earbuds. She told Laura, who brought it to me. I confronted Jake about it - he got pretty upset, said he didn’t take anything, and felt like he was being accused unfairly. Said it felt like he wasn’t welcome. He ended up leaving early to stay with a friend. We barely talked for a while after that."

On no evidence, you confronted your son. Emily didn't accuse anyone of anything; she said she lost it. Then, "a couple months later, Emily found the missing stuff in an old gym bag. Said it was probably just stress, a mistake. But she never actually apologized or took responsibility. No sorry, no real acknowledgment of what that put Jake through."

What was Emily supposed to apologize for? For misplacing things? You're the one who confronted Jake, not her. Anything that Jake went through is solely your fault. What does "Emily’s never really owned up to it" mean? She told you where she found the stuff she misplaced. What else was she supposed to own up to?

Sorry-Thing7797 said:

"About a month in, Emily said she lost some cash and a pair of earbuds. She told Laura, who brought it to me. I confronted Jake about it." Did Emily accuse Jake? Or did she just state these things had gone missing and you assumed that your son must have taken them? Because that’s how this reads.

If she didn’t accuse him, and it was you who just assumed that’s what she was implying, then YTA for not allowing her to move back in.

Relevant-Reply3083 said:

YTA from what you wrote it sounds like you’re the problem not Emily. Emily didn’t accuse your son of stealing anything you flew off the handle when your wife asked if you’d seen it and accused your own son. It sounds like the kids have a relationship typical of adult step siblings who aren’t close.

And urgasmic said:

I don’t really understand the situation. Feels like it escalated for no reason unless there’s nuance missing. Why is jake so upset to be asked about something that has gone missing? Did you come in hot?

What are you so worried about happening in the future? Nothing really happened. I just don't see why she can’t stay for a bit. So i guess i have to vote YTA. For a group of adults this all just seems like a non issue to get past.

We'll keep you posted on any future updates!