'AITA for Refusing to Let My Parents Move In With Me After They Lost Their House?'
"AITA for Refusing to Let My Parents Move In With Me After They Lost Their House?"
Rockies1528
I (33F) have been living in my own home for a few years. I bought it with my own money and have worked hard to make it a comfortable and safe place after growing up in a very unstable environment. My parents (60s) have always been terrible with money, constantly making poor financial decisions despite my efforts to help them budget.
Recently, they lost their house due to foreclosure. They reached out to me asking if they could move in temporarily while they get back on their feet. But two additional adults would really stretch the limits of my house, and I value my privacy and independence.
More importantly, my parents have a history of being overbearing and disrespecting my boundaries. The last time my parents stayed with me, they criticized everything about my lifestyle, rearranged furniture without asking, and even got into an argument with one of my neighbors.
I offered to help them find an affordable rental and even offered to pay their first month of rent. I also found government assistance programs they can apply for. They refused, saying that family should stick together and that it was my duty to help them in their time of need.
My siblings are divided - my older brother thinks I'm heartless, while my younger sister understands my concerns. Both of them live in smaller apartments so they do not have the option to host my parents.
My parents have been guilt-tripping me, saying they took care of me growing up, and now it's my turn to take care of them. My parents are now telling extended family that I'm abandoning them and I am getting messages from relatives. It's making me second-guess my decision, even though I know my mental health would suffer if they moved in.
AITA for refusing to let my parents move in with me after they lost their house? Should I be more willing to accomodate them or am I right to stick by my own well-being and boundaries? I'm feeling very conflicted and could use some outside perspective.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Baileythenerd
"My parents (60s) have always been terrible with money, constantly making poor financial decisions despite my efforts to help them budget."
Not in your house.
"More importantly, my parents have a history of being overbearing and disrespecting my boundaries."
Not in your house.
"The last time my parents stayed with me, they criticized everything about my lifestyle, rearranged furniture without asking, and even got into an argument with one of my neighbors."
Not in your house
"I offered to help them find an affordable rental and even offered to pay their first month of rent. I also found government assistance programs they can apply for. They refused."
"I don't want this gift horse, I demand a unicorn!"
NTA OP, but you know that.
"My older brother thinks I'm heartless."
Then he can take them in.
"Both of them live in smaller apartments so they do not have the option to host my parents."
Yeah, he absolutely does, they can crash on his couch, or he can crash on his own couch if "fAmIlY sHoUlD sTiCk tOgEtHeR" Why would his concerns be any more valid than your own, stated here?
SabinReed
Agreed with all this. Adding that your parents were LEGALLY REQUIRED to take care of you when you were a child. Don’t let them use this as leverage for you to take care of them now. That’s total BS.
Peony-Pony
NTA Once your parents move into your house, they'll never leave.
"My parents have been guilt-tripping me, saying they took care of me growing up, and now it's my turn to take care of them."
They have a plan and there will always be a plausible reason why they can't move out, yet. They're not going to stay with you until they get back on their feet, you're their retirement plan.
LoveBeach8
NTA. For your own sake, mental health and wellbeing, DO NOT let them move in! They have turned to guilting you so you'll "forget" all about their past behaviors and hopefully be convinced that family does come first.
I'm calling BS. They can contact the Govt Assistance Program, friends and even a homeless shelter. Just because they're family doesn't mean they can abuse your kindness and disrespect your boundaries. Hold fast and stick to your guns!
ElectricalTaste4519
NTA. You don’t want them to move in, so you offered another way of helping through financial means, etc. You are helping your family in need. They turned it down.
If the siblings and extended family are all up your bum, then they’re more than welcome to deal with it. You have the right to say no. Stick by your guns, offer the help again, but say that’s the only card on the table and they can either take it or leave it. It’s their decision.
loislolane
NTA. They had a legal obligation to provide for you growing up, it doesn’t mean that you owe them. You’ve offered other avenues of assistance. If they move in they will probably not move out.
passthebluberries
NTA. Tell any of the relatives that are trying to guilt trip you that they are free to host your parents. That should shut them up pretty quick. Also, you don't owe your parents anything because they raised you.
They chose to have children and it was literally their job to take care of you while you were growing up. You have offered other solutions to try to help them which was very kind of you, but you are not obligated to give up your safe space because they refuse other options.
Helpful-Science-3937
Keep in mind this did not just happen to them. You don’t just miss a payment and you are out on the street. They had months and months to try to figure something out, take out a loan, get a second job, make payment arrangements, try to sell the home, etc.
This is on them and there is no reason for you to feel guilty. NTA you offered them solutions and alternate help. They did not want to take it. This is on them to figure out.