My sister had to postpone her son's birthday party back in April for health reasons. He's completely forgotten that he didn't get a birthday party. He's four, I'm inclined to think he won't remember having a birthday party for another few years.
Anyway, she and I have been no contact since June when we had a big falling out. At my family's request, I did reach out in August, but she never responded, and now she's telling our family that the reason she refuses to talk to me is that she doesn't like that I blamed her for all those lies. Okie dokie.
She's been expecting an apology. I kind of want to suggest she tries holding her breath for that to happen, but I won't because that will mean talking to her. Now she's planning on having her kid's birthday party this month. Unfortunately, a lot of other kids in the area also have birthdays this month.
I'm a baker. I work from home and deliver/cater. Just today, I've had 12 deliveries and I have two more this evening - all for birthday parties of kids ages 2-7. My sister heard about that (one of her lies being that I'd gone out of business).
Anyway, she asked my mother to ask me to make the cake for her son's birthday. She said she was willing to pay me, but my mom insisted I don't take money for it. I'm very clearly not invited to the party, because one of the ways she thinks she'll get an apology from me is by holding my relationship with my nephews hostage.
I feel like it's pretty obvious why I refused, but parents are saying that I'm being petty because the baker they got had a family emergency and with the party happening tomorrow, they can't get anyone else unless they just go to a grocery store and get a store-bought cake, which according to my sister will be embarrassing and she refuses.
It would also mean working through the night to bake and build it so it's ready by tomorrow, plus a delivery an hour south of me. I feel bad that Nephew might not have a fancy cake, and in that I might be petty, but this whole situation is just rank. Am I the @$$hole?
BNVeryLooseButthole said:
NTA: she didn’t even ask for the cake herself and it’s ludicrous to expect you to do it and for no money AND deliver it without being invited to the party. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting a store bought cake, she can go buy any kind of cake toppers she wants and add to it, store bought ones are really nice this day an age anyway.
She refuses To get a store bought cake- I could understand that for a wedding maybe, not for a 4 year olds bday party that he doesn’t seem to even care is happening. Don’t make that cake.
Vavamama said:
Not only are you NTA, I'm pretty sure your family holds the Total AH crown, and you couldn’t get it away from them if you tried. Your sister is SOL, that’s what happens when you burn bridges.
anaofarendelle said:
NTA. Your whole family is to be honest... If I were to bitch about it, I’d send your nephew a gift and say your sorry you couldn’t make it. And honestly, if she really wanted it, she could have ordered from you
OP responded:
Oh I did send him a gift. He loves Disney Princesses. I got him a really cute music box with Cinderella and her Prince dancing in it to Vivaldi's Spring, which as a kid I would play on a loop at night to sleep and it drove her nuts. ...so I've definitely been a little petty.
[deleted] said:
Nta, the kid is 4. Store bought is fine.
PeachyPosterior said:
NTA. If she wants a fancy cake she can pay for a fancy cake from someone who is available. You are busy and being told there will be no compensation, not even an invitation to attend.
So, it's about 2:30 in the morning now. My mom has been up my ass all day trying to talk me into this cake. My baking business specifically specializes in cake-batter donuts, not tiered cakes like the one my sister wants. In general, I don't typically have the tools, space, or ingredients for a cake like this.
Before she went to bed, my mother called me a final time to basically tell me that she told my nephew his cake was being made by "Tia" (aunt in Spanish) and that he was over the moon excited.
I might not want to talk to my sister, but I love my nephews. Knowing he had his hopes up for one of my treats, I tried. I swear, I have tried so hard. I've been trying all night. I had some sheet pans of sponge cake frozen and left over from an event I did for early voters a week ago. I don't usually work with fondant, but I had a tub of it leftover from that same event.
I mixed buttercreams, merengues, and cream cheese frostings together to make one big batch of frosting - that's honestly really good. But I just didn't have enough. If I keep rolling to stretch it, my fondant will break. I'm pretty sure the top tier is lopsided. I'm exhausted. I was up baking and doing deliveries at 4:00 AM yesterday, out all day without a break.
I tried, and I can't. If I were to run out for ingredients when the stores open, I still won't have time to put it all together for the party. I'm heart-broken over what my nephew will feel tomorrow when his Tia fails him, and I'm furious with my mother for putting me in this situation where now I will be the asshole even though I never actually agreed to making this cake.
Thank you for everyone who commented so I know I'm not the asshole for refusing. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like that will matter in the morning.