Grieving teen awarded separation from mother to escape 'psychotic' stepsister; 'I'm done.' AITA?
"AITA for being 'stubborn' and refusing to move back home with my mom and telling her she chose her stepdaughter over her son and these are the consequences?"
My dad died when I (16m) was 4 and for three years it was just me and my mom. Life was pretty good. We were sad dad wasn't there and I had some big emotions about not remembering enough about him but I got therapy and it helped.
Then my mom met James when I was 7. James was a single dad to Emma who was 9 at the time. My mom and James fell in love and they moved in together and mom helped James with Emma who had pretty bad mental health problems even back then.
Emma wasn't easy to be around when mom and James would date and she'd have outbursts all the way back when we'd meet up at a diner for lunch or go to museums and stuff together. So by the time we all moved in together I was pretty upset.
It only got worse when we lived together. Some days Emma was fine, calm even, but other days she'd be saying things about hurting herself and others and then there were the days she'd try to break a door down or smash a room up.
There were a few times I told my mom I didn't like what was happening and each time she'd tell me we were a family now and Emma was my sister and we needed to be there for her.
When Emma was 13 she started taking drugs. Then she started drinking. Sometimes she acted less explosive when she was high or drunk but once that wore off she was worse.
When she was 15 she freaked out one day and even though she didn't drive it she basically totaled her dad's car and she broke the front door and two of the front windows.
The police and an ambulance came and she was removed from the house. CPS stepped in and she was placed in a facility to help her with her mental health. She stayed for a year. I was forced to visit twice a month with my mom or with James. If I asked to stay hom,e the answer was no and she needed to see her family.
She was released but she wasn't sent to our house at first. She was placed with a therapy foster family. She'd come to visit but even with all the help she was still difficult to be around and I hated those visits. Then she moved back into the house with us after three or four months with the foster family.
In the background of all this my paternal grandparents were fighting my mom over me. They tried to get custody three times but were denied. They didn't feel like she was putting me first and instead put Emma first.
I didn't get to see them because my mom would refuse to let us have contact and she said they'd poison me against my family. But all the time with Emma and James living with us had done that anyway.
I don't like them. I feel like they made my life worse and added nothing good. My mom put having them in her life over my safety and mental health. Emma still lives with them but 6 months ago I called CPS after another incident and they removed me from the house.
I can't say much about the incident and there's an investigation happening into it and some other stuff is going on but CPS and the judge agreed that I needed to get out of there. But the judge ordered my mom and I have at least one 30 minute phone call a week.
Every time my mom calls she's trying to get me to move back in. She said I just need to tell my grandparents and we don't need to make it official or anything. She tells me she loves and misses me.
I got so tired of her saying the same thing over and over again that I told her she put Emma before me and I won't ever move back in. When she tried to say the whole thing about Emma and James being our family I told her they were her family but they were never mine and I didn't care about them or want them in my life.
I said they brought nothing good into my life. They made it worse and losing dad was already a pretty terrible start to mine. I told her losing her son is the consequence of choosing her husband and his daughter over her son.
She called me too stubborn for my own good and asked me where my understanding for others had gone. And she ranted about Emma being sick and needing family and love and support. She was going on like that until the 30 minutes was up and I just ended the call. But she sent me some texts after it and they bothered me. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA if your happy and doing better don’t change a thing stay where your at enjoy life.
RockyNoni9x9 (OP)
I'm way happier and I wish I could have lived with my grandparents years ago.
NTA. CPS and the courts don’t remove minors from the home for no reason so whatever happened must have been pretty serious. Add that on top of your mom ignoring your needs and trying to make you live with a psycho, nope you’re NTA. Your mom and her husband certainly are tho.
My advice is to adhere to the 30 minute telephone trial because it‘s mandaTory but block your mom outside of those thirty minutes. You owe her about as much as she’s felt she’s owed you (I.e., absolutely nothing).
See if your grandparents can help you get therapy and focus on building a family of people you choose and who choose you. Let your mom keep telling herself that it was ok to separate you from your grandparents and to force you to put up with more than you should have. Let your silence be her lesson.
RockyNoni9x9 (OP)
My grandparents have me in therapy. But the therapist isn't great. The judge chose the therapist for me and we can't change who I see. So I have to deal with it for at least another four months before we're back in court. I'm not supposed to block my mom on my phone even when we've had our call.
NTA. You’re not being stubborn, you’re setting boundaries to protect your mental and emotional well-being. It sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot of difficult circumstances for a long time, and your mom’s decision to prioritize Emma’s needs over yours has been tough on you.
It also seems like your mom has a tendency to minimize your feelings and the challenges you’ve faced in favor of Emma, and that can be really hurtful. You have every right to stand up for yourself and make choices that are best for you, even if they disappoint your mom.
It’s clear that you’re trying to process a lot of complex feelings and experiences, and you’ve had to grow up fast. Your decision to stay away from a toxic environment isn’t a lack of understanding; it’s an act of self-preservation.