Stay-at-home mom banishes fiancé to 'teach him a lesson.' He says, 'I'm happier alone.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to move in to my fiancee’s mother's house?"
Until two months ago, my fiancee and I were living in a rented house that cost about 2.4k a month. I paid all of it and the bills. For over a year, she also has been a stay at home mom since the birth of our son.
However, she hated that house. To be honest, I don’t think any of her reasons were particularly valid. But I agreed and we planned on finding another place while I get ready to buy a house at the end of year.
In in the meantime, her mom and her step dad bought a house in a different city and moved far away. The house they own where we live is fully paid off. So they invited us to move into her house so we can continue paying the bills like insurance property tax, and all the other stuff, but that would cost us somewhat less than what we were paying at the rented house.
I was against it at first because I felt like moving into her mother‘s house I would not really feel at home and I would always feel like I have something above my head and also I didn’t want that to be used against me in the future because at the end of the day I can take care of all my bills.
After her mother talked to me about it, I agreed to move in. A week before we moved in… my fiancee and I had an argument and she said she did not want me to move in with in her to her mom’s house anymore and she would go by herself.
I ended staying at my parents house. Two months in, she now hates staying at her mom’s house. Her and her little brother don’t get along too well (he lives there too) and her having to manage him (he is 18 but act like a toddler tbh) and the pets she feels overwhelming.
Now she is begging me to move to the house. I do not want to and I will not do that. I feel like the only reason she wants me there is because she realize the amount of work I was doing around the house and now she got to do it all alone. I did most of the cooking and paid for a cleaning lady to clean for us… things she has to do herself now.
Currently, we share the baby time two days at a time. Even though I work full time (hybrid), I always manage to put in half the work when it comes to the baby. Some days when I go to work, the baby stays with my mom who is retired.
In the last few days, she has gotten so desperate to have me live again with her that she already wants to move out of her mother’s house and for us to get an apartment. I am not kin on that either.
To be honest, I feel happier not living with her. No more nagging, no more constant complaining about everything. She wants me to move in but I actually don’t see myself living with her again. Not having her around has somewhat make me realize how depressed I was around her.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA File for an official custody order with the courts and break up. You want to file before you tell her so that you are able to maintain 50/50 custody of the child.
The only reason you might possibly TA is the fact that you are still calling her your fiance when you clearly no longer want to be with her at any level. Man up and cut her loose.
"I'm miserable here. Come join me." Right...
Her calling it off opened your eyes to a better future. You can't unsee that now. She FAFO'd. NTA.
You’re not the AH for finding happiness. You do, however, need to stop living in limbo and go to the courts and make your custody agreement legal. If you want 50-50, then you need to make that legal. If you don’t want to be in a relationship with her you need to let her know, but I would file for your custody arrangements first.
Congratulations on waking up! She wanted to split, so its all on her. You have no obligation to acquiesce to her demands, because you're probably right, she just wants to use you again. No where in your story is she wanting to reconcile and work on your relationship. So good on you. Stay single and stay happy.
Are you still really even engaged? If you are (🚩) then time to have a come to Jesus meeting. where in a normal tone you discuss how this impacted you. I mean your fiancé pulled the wool out from under you and make the solo decision she didn’t want to live w you any more. For whatever reason. How was that not a 🚩omg did we just break up moment I will never get but anyway….
Figure out if you have a future. Figure out what her career goals are, more kids etc. where and how does she want to live. you share the same. Maybe you buy that house and your little family of 3 live happily ever after.
Or she’s running back to you to ‘save her’ from her own bad decisions. I hope you run, you deserve someone who wants you for you. not what you should/could be doing for them.
NTA. Who wants to live with their MIL? Maybe she's a lovely person but her house doesn't sound like a place anyone would want to live.
You should reconsider your relationship with your fiancée. You clearly state you are happier without her and that is not a good start to a marriage. I would end it before you sign papers and get custody of the kid.