'AITA for refusing to pay my boyfriend's portion of rent after he quit his job without telling me?'
"AITA for refusing to pay my boyfriend's portion of rent after he quit his job without telling me?"
I'm 24F and I’ve been living with my boyfriend (27M) for a little over a year. We split rent 50/50 and keep our finances separate. Everything was going fine until a few weeks ago.
I started noticing he was home way more than usual. I asked about it and he just said he was taking some time off. Cool, whatever. Then a friend of his casually mentioned that he had actually quit his job. That was the first I heard of it.
So I asked him straight up, and yeah, turns out he just quit. No notice, no conversation with me. His reasoning was that he felt burned out and needed to reset. I’m not unsympathetic to that at all, but I feel like quitting your job without a plan or at least talking to the person you live with is a massive red flag.
Now here’s the kicker: he fully expected me to just cover rent and bills for the next couple of months while he "figures things out." I told him I couldn’t do that. I work full-time, pay my own bills, and I’m not in a position to carry both of us, especially not without a heads-up.
He’s now saying I’m unsupportive and selfish. Even his mom got involved and called me out, saying I should be standing by him. She literally blocked me after I told her I’m not a bank.
I feel bad, but I’m also just… really frustrated. If he had talked to me first, maybe we could’ve come up with something. But the fact that he made this decision solo and just expected me to deal with it doesn’t sit right. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Spoiler alert-- he was planning on staying a LOT longer than a couple of months. Tell all of the relatives sending you nastygrams that you'll let your brother know that they are willing to house him for free.
NTA. Your brother is an adult and if $200 and basic manners is too much for him, good luck finding somewhere better. Why don't the relatives offer him their place?
mia_donnelly (OP)
Exactly! Thats what I've been thinking too, if it's so "heartless" of me to not let him stay for free, why hasn't anyone else opened their doors? What really frustrates me is that I've helped him before. I helped pay for his laptop when he started university, and he stayed with me during holidays without me asking for a cent.
But this time, I made it clear it wouldn't be a short visit, he said " a few months" and knowing him, that could easily turn into half a year or more. I just can't carry everything on my back while he treats my home like a free hostel.
And 200$ isn't even rent, it's literally to cover the spike in bills and food. He eats like a black hole and leaves his stuff everywhere,. I didn't think asking for a little help and respect was unreasonable, but apparently that makes me the villain now. Thanks for saying this really. It's been making me second -guess myself a lot.
I doubt that would even cover food then. Sounds like you've had a lucky escape. Don't worry about it.
A few months could become years with how some places have squatter rights. I had a friend who literally had a court ordered eviction for their tenant. It said the sherriffs would remove the tenant on a certain date.
Turns out the sherriffs removing her was just them asking her to leave. It ended up taking another 2 months after the court order before they could swap the locks out while she was gone and put all her stuff outside. If your brother is up on local squatters rights he could drag that out for years.
Think of the positives - He's shown himself to be an AH that you would never want to live with without the hassle of having him live with you and the eventual eviction you would have to do.
mia_donnelly (OP)
True, better to find out now than after six months of stress and passive- aggressive notes on the fridge 😅
NTA. Be honest with your family. Tell them you really didn't want a roommate of any kind, but you were willing to tolerate one for a short period as a favor to your brother. But now he is being so unpleasant that you realize that sharing a living space for him even for a short period of time would be a disaster. Then suggest that one of them take him in.
NTA. My reaction would be to send a group text, but I'm also not living your life, I would just find this absurd. I'd say something like: "Hey it's OP, lots of people have been weighing in on me setting ground rules, and asking for a modest contribution to bills if I let my brother crash with me for several months. I've been told I'm greedy, cold and heartless, and that's not how you treat family.
Good news bro, based on what they have said to me, Uncle A, Aunt B, Uncle C, Aunt D, Cousin E, Cousin F, and Cousin G, all sound like they'll host you indefinitely and you won't be asked to contribute towards utilities or groceries, you won't be asked to clean up after yourself, and there won't be any prohibition on loud guests staying over late.
Since it sounds like you won't need to crash with me anymore, consider my offer retracted. I hope that through our family's example, I can better learn how it is OK to treat family."
NTA. How are you profiting? It sounds like he expects you to subsidize his existence. Why should you be responsible for housing a grown man? Do not let him move in at all, even if he agrees to pay. He definitely will not pay, and will absolutely disrespect you and your home, as he has shown.