Man cancels honeymoon gift after sister excludes his girlfriend from her wedding. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to pay for my sister’s honeymoon after she changed her wedding plans last minute?"
So, my (32M) sister (28F) got married last month, and I was super excited for her. A few months before the wedding, I offered to pay for their honeymoon as a gift. I’d saved up for it, and I wanted to do something special because she’s my only sibling. We agreed on a destination, and I booked everything: flights, hotel, excursions, the works.
Fast forward to three weeks before the wedding, and my sister calls me to say she and her fiancé have decided to turn their big wedding into a small backyard ceremony.
No big deal, it’s their wedding, their choice. But then she casually adds, “Oh, and by the way, we’re inviting only immediate family, so you can still come, but you can’t bring your girlfriend.”
For context, my girlfriend and I have been together for five years. She’s basically part of the family and was really looking forward to coming. I tried to talk to my sister about it, but she said they wanted to “keep it small” and that she hoped I’d understand. My girlfriend was hurt, but we decided to let it go and just roll with it.
The wedding was fine, but it felt weird without my girlfriend there. Afterward, my sister asked when they’d get the details for their honeymoon, and I told her I’d decided not to pay for it anymore.
I explained that it didn’t feel fair to exclude my girlfriend from the wedding but still expect such a big gift from me. She got upset and said I was being petty and trying to ruin her big moment.
Now my parents are involved, saying I should have just sucked it up and that family comes first. My girlfriend thinks I was justified, but I’m starting to second guess myself. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA.
"I decided to keep my gift small, and I hoped you'd understand."
This, bridezilla, doesn't realize the gift was coming from their household, doesn't matter if OP is married or not, that's his significant other she chose not to include/invite.
NTA. Your sister’s actions were inconsiderate. You’re not petty for standing up for your girlfriend, who is a huge part of your life. She excluded someone who’s been with you for five years, and now expects you to fork out a huge gift? That’s entitled.
Also if you’ve been together 5 years are your finances somewhat mingled in that the gift would have also come from your gf? If so that’s a great out. Why would she help pay for a gift for a wedding she didn’t attend?
Your sister made her decision, and so did you. You offered a honeymoon gift, but she made a disrespectful choice by excluding your girlfriend. You’re not “petty” for standing up for your relationship, and you don’t owe her any more than what she’s given you, nothing. NTA.
Just tell her half of the honeymoon gift is from your gf. So you can only afford to send one of them.
NTA. They thought they could save the moolah and have a kickarse holiday at your expense. Yeah nah. Take your partner instead. She deserves it after being left out like that. Sis can pay for her own damn honeymoon since they opted for a smaller wedding ceremony.
None of this makes sense. Scaling down a wedding three weeks before would be impossible without losing substantial sums of money. And how did you book everything, which requires payment, and cancel on such short notice without again losing a substantial sums of money? All just for revenge? Doesn’t make sense.
It's not real. It's basically the same story as the one from this morning, where the step dad was disinvited from the wedding and then refused to pay for it.
If your girlfriend meant as much to you as you say she does, I wouldn’t have gone to the wedding without her. Also(again, assuming this is real), if your parents mean what they say bout family coming first, they can fork over the money for the honeymoon.
Your mistake was offering to pay for the honeymoon. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
yeloooooo (OP)
You’re probably right. I thought I was just being generous, but I guess I didn’t consider how it might get complicated. I honestly didn’t think something as simple as wanting my girlfriend at the wedding would turn into this big issue.
YTA the time to say you were rescinding your gift in response was at the point she withdrew your girlfriend’s invitation and then you should have also refused to go if you had anything about you. Revealing your change afterwards so they have no opportunity to correct their decision is a huge AH move.
NTA. Your sister found out. Actions come with consequences. Good or bad, but they always come. Not that it matters, but if I was ever told I was NOT invited to any wedding, I would send the couple a "Thank you" card and turn a cartwheel. Of course, I would rather have a root canal performed by an auto mechanic than attend any wedding.
NTA What she did is a classic case of “biting the hand that feeds you”. If your gift was just some nominal item like a $50-$100 item from their registry then I’d say YTA, but considering your gift probably costs more than what 99% of 32Ms in America would ever spend on a wedding gift for their sibling I’d say yeah if she even looks at you the wrong way you have the right to cancel it.