'AITA for refusing to pay half the rent for my BF’s house that he needs for his kids?'

"AITA for refusing to pay half the rent for my BF’s house that he needs for his kids?"

Me (22F) and my boyfriend (28M) have been together for 7 months (4 officially dating). He has two kids (5 & 8), and while I’ve never been a “kid person,” I met them a while ago and they’re really sweet.

I’ve been respectful and tried to build a good relationship with them. I don’t have kids of my own and I’m not planning on having any soon—I’m not ready emotionally or financially, and I made this very clear to my boyfriend from the beginning.

I currently live alone in a small place I love, paying $1,200/month (everything included). I have two jobs, but I’ll be starting college after summer with help from my parents, so I’ll quit one job to focus on school.

Now, my boyfriend’s life is chaotic. His ex (mother of his kids) left him deeply in debt. He has a car he hasn’t paid in two years and uses his mom’s car. He can’t get a credit card due to debt from the relationship. He currently lives with his 8-year-old and takes care of him with help from his grandmother.

He also wants full custody of his youngest. But his mom and grandma (who help with rent and childcare) are moving out of state soon, and he’ll be left alone with all responsibilities.

He rents a 3-bedroom, 2-bath house for $2,800/month. Once his family moves out, he’ll be on the hook for the full amount alone. He recently brought up the idea of me moving in again. I reminded him I’m not ready for that, especially not to take on a mom role, but just out of curiosity, I asked how much he’d expect me to pay. He said half—$1,400/month (not including utilities).

I was shocked. That’s way more than I pay now, and that house has three bedrooms—two of which are for his kids. I told him I wouldn’t pay half because it’s not fair to expect me to help cover a space I don’t need. I offered to pay a third ($933) if I ever moved in, and he got upset. He said “we’d be a family” and that his kids would be like mine in the future, and that helping each other is what families do.

I understand that, but I feel like he’s trying to make me responsible for a life that isn’t mine. His ex never paid for anything, and that’s how he ended up so financially unstable. So why does he expect me—someone who isn’t the mother of his kids and just starting her life—to carry that burden?

I care about him and I like his kids, but I’m not in a position to be a stepmom or help raise a family financially. I’m just trying to build my own future. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Is my offer unfair? Or is he asking too much too soon?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

NorthernLitUp said:

NTA. Look, you don't move in with someone after 4 months of dating, first of all. Second, he's not asking you to move in because he wants to build a life with you and doesn't want to be without you. He's asking you to move in because he views you only as a solution to his financial problems. This is indicative of things to come with this guy. I'd carefully extricate yourself from this mess before it gets even messier.

Salt-Lavishness-7560 said:

Good grief. NTA. How can anyone write this out and fail to see what a trainwreck this relationship is? Honey. I’m an old mom, so I’m gonna mom you. Step away from this relationship. Your BF is drowning. And drowning people grab onto others to keep from downing, and just pull them down into the depths.

You are at a completely different point in your life than your BF. He’s struggling to get his shit together and now he’s pulling you in.

DON’T DO IT.

Don’t move in. Don’t pay his rent. Don’t get pulled into mothering his children. He’s trying to replace mom and grandma WITH YOU. FFS. Go live your best life. Go to college. Meet a boy who doesn’t have umpteen kids and no damn plan besides suckering sweethearted girls into supporting him. Buy him a big box of condoms as a farewell present.

Horror_Tea761 said:

This is waaaay too soon to move in, and he has way too much baggage for you to be dealing with at 22. He's wanting you to move in because he can't get it together financially, and it sounds like you would be a de facto parent.

There is no upside whatsoever for you to do this. I recommend you wait a year before revisiting this. I bet that things will have changed tremendously in the meantime.

Find yourself a fellow your own age who can meet you where you are at this point in your life. Have fun. Don't worry about someone else's rent or babysitting.

MageVicky said:

NTA *red flag alert* only dating for 4 months and he already wants you to help support his kids? also give up your freedom and private space for him and his kids? how long before he expects you to play mommy?

I'm an almost 40 year old woman, so trust me when I hold your hand and ask you to dump him. this isn't a "oh reddit always jumps to break up" thing. this man is an entire red flag field. you don't need him. you're fine by yourself. there's an entire world out there with men your age that don't have all that baggage.

And clarkjan64 said:

Girlfriend you are asking the wrong question. Your question should be should I end this relationship and the answer is a big fat YES. Run 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♀️ now. You do need this relationship at this stage of your life. Best wishes for your future and in school.