'AITA for refusing to pay my boyfriend’s dental fees for HIS cavities?'
"AITA for refusing to pay my boyfriend’s dental fees for HIS cavities?"
Hey guys, I literally haven’t posted on reddit since I was in uni but I’m so desperate for a different perspective on this because everyone I’ve talked to about this has a different opinion. My boyfriend (28M) and I (26F) have been together for 2 years now.
Recently my boyfriend went to the dentist because he’s been complaining about toothaches for months now. I was the one to drive him to the appointment and stayed in the waiting room while he was inside.
The second he walked out, I could tell he was fuming but he refused to respond when I asked if something had happened. He gave me the silent treatment all the way back to the car, where I admittedly started to freak out a little because he’s never done this to me before but he just wouldn’t say anything.
Once we got back home, he immediately lost it, screaming at me saying that it was my fault that he had 7 cavities in his mouth and that I should have been the one to pay the dental fees (his medical insurance wouldn’t cover the whole cost).
I had no idea why he would blame ME for HIS cavities, but he continued to say that I’ve been feeding him too many sweets. He brought up how I had baked his birthday cake a few months ago and how it was way too sweet, but he literally ate most of the cake and didn’t have a single complaint. In fact, he was the one that begged me to make the cake for him, since I’m a huge fan of baking.
I was super taken aback by this, but I had no idea where this was even coming from. I know my boyfriend very well, and he’s got a massive sweet tooth, so I always make sure to add in a little more sugar than a recipe would call for so he’d love it more (e.g if a recipe calls for a certain amount of sugar, I’ll add that amount in white sugar plus about the same amount of brown sugar since its healthier).
I only bake a couple times a week when I’m not busy with work, and this whole argument is making me feel like I’m the bad guy for doing something nice for my boyfriend.
I’ll admit I don’t hold back on how sweet I make the pastries but he’s never brought any concerns about this to my attention, and I’m only trying to show my love. I’ve noticed a slight weight gain, but I’ve never cared about that and love him for more than his looks.
I myself don’t really eat the things I bake because I’m vegan and currently on a keto diet. I feel like I’m going on a bit of a tangent, but I really don’t know how to deal with this situation.
I don’t earn as much as him, and even if I did, I don’t think it's fair that I pay him back for the dental fee. He is still refusing to talk to me until I pay him the money back. I love him so much, but this is really ruining our relationship and I don’t know how to go about this.
I don’t think I’m in the wrong, but a few of my friends say that I shouldn’t bake so much so often, but its not like I’m forcing it down his throat. Would I be the AH for this? Should I pay him the money? Please be kind in the comments. :)
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
This is your future if you stay with him. Everything will be your fault and he will not take responsibility for anything. Stand up to this BS now or get out.
I just cannot imagine this is real. If you double the sugar in a baking recipe, the result would be obviously messed up. The cake would have been gummy and basically inedible.
NTA. Your baking isn’t what caused the cavities. Him not taking care of his teeth caused them. Cavities can also be genetic. If this is how he handles inconveniences then I honestly would reconsider the relationship as a whole.
NTA. If you stay w him, can you not expect everything that upsets him to be blamed on you? He lashed out at YOU about his own poor hygiene, ignorance about healthcare costs, and lack of money. Boy, bye.
NTA for what’s happening in his own grown man mouth and his response is so wildly out of pocket. Do not back down and pay for any of this man’s medical expenses. I’m sure your treats are double delicious, but, my girl, brown sugar isn’t healthier and doubling sugar is a bit startling. You def gave me a good chuckle with this.
Ummm sweets are not to blame for most cavities. Does you bf know that?! How much soda does he drink? How many bubbly waters?! Those do more damage than a casual piece of cake here and there. Also, 7 cavities is a sign that he is NOT brushing and flossing like he should be. That’s entirely his fault.
NTA. His teeth are his responsibility. But just FYI, unless brown sugar means something else across the pond, it is just white sugar mixed with molasses and is not healthier than white sugar. Even so, it's still not responsible for your boyfriend's cavities. Unless you're literally drilling holes in his teeth while he sleeps, you are NTA and not to blame.
NTA at all. This made my face contort, because what??????? He’s a grown man who can brush his teeth and take care of them. If he has weaker teeth, it’s his obligation to go to the dentist. You didn’t force the food down his throat. You’d bake if he was there or not, because you like it.
So yikes, maybe yall need to have a long talk. I would laugh in my BFs face if he ever came at me like this, then ask him if we should get him children’s book on dental care, then leave.