'AITA for refusing to pay my BF’s rent after catching him on a dating app?'
"AITA for refusing to pay my boyfriend’s rent after catching him on a dating app?"
I feel like such an idiot right now. My boyfriend (26M) and I (23F) have been together for 3 years, and for the most part, it’s been good or at least I thought it was. Last year, he lost his job, and things got tough. He asked if he could move in with me just until he got back on his feet. I said yes because that’s what you do for someone you love, right?
Since then, I’ve been paying for everything rent, utilities, groceries, even some of his personal stuff like his phone bill. It wasn’t easy, but I wanted to support him. I figured it was temporary and that once he got a new job, he’d help out again. it’s been over a year, and he hasn’t even really tried. he talks about looking but spends more time gaming or scrolling on his phone than sending resumes.
Lately, he’s been acting weird. always on his phone, taking it with him everywhere, turning it face down. I tried to ignore it because I didn’t want to be that paranoid girlfriend, but my gut kept screaming at me.
Yesterday, I caved and looked through his phone while he was in the shower. I know, not my proudest moment, but what I saw… wow. he’s on Tinder. not just an old account he’s active. matching with girls, messaging them, and even planning to grab a drink sometime.
When I confronted him, he didn’t even deny it. he said it was just for fun and that he’d never actually cheat. like I’m supposed to be cool with that? then he flipped it on me and said I invaded his privacy, that I’m controlling, and that this is all my fault for not trusting him. he actually told me I was being manipulative by saying I’d stop paying rent.
I told him straight up if you want to act single, you can start living like one. I’m done covering everything while you’re out here swiping right. he completely lost it said I’m financially abusing him, called me heartless, and accused me of trying to kick him out when he’s at his lowest.
Now his mom is blowing up my phone, calling me cruel and saying I promised to help him. she said this isn’t what love looks like and that I’m abandoning him when he needs me most. I feel like I’ve been carrying him for a year, and this is what I get?
Part of me feels guilty because if I stop paying, he literally has nowhere to go. but I also feel so used. I’ve been taking care of this man, and he’s out here trying to meet other women. So, AITA for refusing to keep paying his rent after finding out he’s on a dating app?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
Comfortable-Focus123 said:
NTA - Tell his mom she can house her cheating son.
OP responded:
Right? If his mom thinks he’s such a catch, she can take him in.
PrincessBella1 said:
NTA. His mom doesn't want him either. You took out the trash. An unemployed 26 year old who is swiping on dating apps while dependent on you? No ma'am. He was using you. The next thing you do is to block both the ex and his mom.
OP responded:
I can’t believe I even entertained the idea of covering his rent. I’m done being his safety net. both him and his mom are blocked I don’t need that kind of drama in my life.
FlyFlirtyandFifty said:
Girl, you have a hobosexual on your hands. Tell his mom, no, this ISN’T what love looks like. Love is mutual respect and trust and pitching in. He is not pulling his weight and is using you while he actively cheats? Oh hell no! Throw that whole man out! And do not feel bad he has “nowhere to go.” Tell his mommy she can take care of him, it’s not like he has a job tying him to a specific location!
Doggonana said:
NTA- Tell his mother that you’re returning her defective product.
nin_miawj said:
Nta he’s cheating and got caught Ditch the jerk
OP responded:
I can’t believe I even considered helping him out financially after finding that. time to cut my losses and move on.
koffeecup8469 said:
I stopped reading at “his mom is…”🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 when a guys mom interferes with his relationships it never ends. Cut and run