'AITA for refusing to pay my nephew's college tuition while paying my cousin's dog's medical fees?'
"AITA for refusing to pay for my nephew's college tuition, while paying for my cousin's dog's medical fees?"
My cousin's dog got really sick, and the cost to treat her is very very expensive. I love dogs, I love her dog in particular, and I love her, so I paid it for her in full. Now my brother and his wife want me to help them pay for my nephew's college fund. I could help pay for it easily, but I refused. I don't like my nephew.
I don't like his mom. I'm indifferent towards my brother. We don't have the closest relationship, but at least we're cordial. Plus, it's not like they can't afford it. They go on multiple overseas trips a year. But if they pay for it themselves, they won't be able to afford other things, like their shopping sprees of brand name bags.
They'll have to "downgrade" their life a little, and they're not happy about it, but to me it's just normal life? Like people save all the time for college, even if it means they can't afford to go to Disney this year.
They think it's unfair because my cousin could have afforded her dog's treatment all on her own easily (she's in a better financial state than them), but they "can't afford" (they can) their son's college fees easily. They're badmouthing me to everyone. claiming that I'm favoring a dog over my nephew.
Which, is, not gonna lie, sorta true. They think I'm "out of touch" because I don't think it's a big deal for them to not go on multiple luxury vacations a year to afford their son's tuition.
They think that because it's my brother, and "blood family" I need to help them out, especially since they think it's "easy" for me to do. AITA for refusing to help pay for my nephew's college, even though I totally could, and for, in their eyes, treating a dog better?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
AlternativeDue1958 said:
Why is it your responsibility to pay the tuition? You like dogs, you don’t like your nephew. If your brother wants his kid to go to college, he needs to find a way to pay for it. If I were you I’d be honest. Why should you spend $ on someone you don’t like and that you’re not close to?
Jocelyn-1973 said:
Stop telling people what you pay and for whom - and if you pay something for someone, demand that they won't tell anyone either. Otherwise your family will see you as their ATM and as a solution for the consequences for making bad decisions.
Don't tell them you prioritize something else, because it implies that without the other thing, you would be willing to help. You are not. You don't like them, you don't like their financial management system and you don't like your nephew.
(And even if you did like all of these things, you are not obligated to help out financially. They are supposed to get their finances in order. Which they won't if they won't feel the need to.) NTA.
peacefully84 said:
NTA it's your money and no one has any say it how you use it but you. They're not entitled to anything.
Sae_something said:
NTA, you get to use your money however you like. I don't understand why you paid for your cousin's dog's treatment though, if she can so easily afford it herself? That's a bit weird to me, but eh, again: you get to do with your money what you want.
Bastet79 said:
NTA. And badmouthing those you want something from, is the worst thing you can do. After this action they would have lost every possibility to ask for anything from me.
MazelTough said:
NTA “You seem to be confused how money works. You get to control your money, but my money is mine and what I do with it is my business.” The dog thing is just a red herring, it doesn’t matter, these people feel entitled to your money and the rest of your family should butt out.
I’d text my family group chat or busybodies that I’d already discussed the reasons why (I’d leave out that they/your nibbling kind of sucks) and emphasize that they have no right to suggest what you do with your money