'AITA for refusing to cover my sister's rent even though she just had a baby and can't work?' UPDATED

"AITA for not paying for my pregnant sister's rent?"

Hello, this is a long story but myself and my sister moved in together 3 years ago. We agreed we would split the rent and utilities. After a few months my sister is always late on paying the bills, or says she can’t pay full amount but will go to target or spend money on other things.

So it always fell on me, after a while I got tired of asking and hearing excuses, I just started fully paying them, and her giving me 40 or 80 once in a while. The whole utility bills usually about 300 a month. We have the same salary for context. A year ago her boyfriend cheated on her and they broke up.

Couple weeks later she meets this guy, he starts coming around staying the night. I told her I’m not comfortable him being here when we are not home,she says it’s her house too and tells me to deal with it. I hate confrontation so I let it go.

He moves in and she never ask me or our landlords and they do not want people living there without permission so if they find out we will be evicted. She is aware of this and doesn’t care, says they won’t find out. So last year she tell us she’s pregnant, I am not sure how to feel because in the moment she just met this guy few months ago and can barely pay the bills now and is having a kid?

I was upset and they still planned to stay in the home and not move out. I also pay for all the meals we eat at dinner, I buy the water they all drink. I buy all household items such as toilet paper, laundry soap. we share a dog I buy all the things she needs and vet bills. They use the washer and dryer every day, I pay monthly for and haven’t sent me money for it in months because if I don’t directly ask they won’t send it.

Even though it’s been known it’s due every month. They have never offered money for the groceries or household items. I honestly feel taken advantage of, but they always say they have no money.

I would also add that my sister said she doesn’t like to ask him for money and he doesn’t like her to know how much money he makes. Because he doesn’t like people to know his business, but he can have a baby with her? So she runs to my mom for money, and my mom is sick of it too.

Anyway, that was the backstory, now for the current issue we split rent 3 ways currently, rent is 1,000 total. she just had the baby last weekend so now she isn’t working. I heard from my mom that my sister said that I need to split the rent with her boyfriend because he can’t pay her part.

But she and him have never sat down and spoke to me about this arrangement I assume they expect me to just pay it because that’s how it always is. I don’t feel like I should have to pay her part of the bills, she and him decided to have this baby. I didn’t sign up for this, we agreed to live together and split these bills. I feel like I have to put my foot down and tell them I am not paying her bills.

They had 9 months to speak to me and never did. I need advice and I really am conflicted because the economy is really bad right now and everyone is struggling but I am too, I just feel used and stressed out so bad. I do plan to move out in few months. Any advice will help, thank you.

What do you think? AITA? Commenters had a lot of—strongly worded—thoughts. Here are some of them:

LowBalance4404 said:

You need to get a spine, honestly. And I say that with nothing but the best intentions. You are being taken for a ride and need to actually stand up for yourself. How soon can you move out? In the meantime, only buy supplies for yourself. Keep your toilet paper in your room or anything else they should be sharing the cost of. And move out as soon as you legally can.

BoredinBooFoo said:

And take the dog. Please take the dog.

WifeofBath1984 said:

You are being used and taken advantage. You need to stick up for yourself instead of trying to avoid confrontation. Ngl, this was frustrating to read because you're complaining about your circumstances but haven't had the courage to try and change them. You need to learn to say no and stop letting people walk all over you. NTA

OP responded:

Hello, I know I am beating myself up every day. I know I let it happen and I am really bad a confrontation. I have learned my lesson and will never let this happen again.

Several-Ad-1959 said:

Good Lord girl, grow a back bone and tell the freeloaders to either pay their part or get out. If they don't pay up, go to the landlord and tell him that she let her boyfriend move in and they need to go.

Rare_Sugar_7927 said:

Couples therapy might be good, but really i think you need individual therapy too to work on those abandonment issues, and your current situation.

OP responded:

Brutal but true.

Present_Amphibian832 said:

You need some growing up to do. Either move out and live by yourself or tell them pay up or get out. YOU are ENABLING their life style. STOP IT

And OP responded:

That’s my plan.

She later shared this update:

Thank you for everyone’s reply, it’s honestly been really tough on my mental health the last few weeks more than usual. For everyone saying stand up for yourself, I have a fear of speaking up for myself due to emotional and physical abuse in my childhood when I would. I am dealing with that now in therapy.

Reading everyone’s reply in telling me to move out, I am moving out, just money is the issue. I am in college, working full time and living pay check to pay check. I guess that’s also why I have not moved because of my income not being able to afford on my own. But I have been saving and will figure it out on my own. I will be moving out in next few months. I will update when I have, thank you.

I am also taking my dog, I wouldn’t leave her. For more context we live on a month to month lease so I can move any time. I will have enough money by May. I honestly came here because I don’t have a lot of people I can talk to about these issues and not have a bias towards me or my sister.

I understand I have allowed this behavior and it’s pathetic. I am telling my sister tomorrow about moving and that I will not be helping them with anything. I am causing more stress on myself in keeping all this bottled up than speaking to them directly. I will grow a spine and use it.