Pregnant wife refuses to pick up diabetic husband from the hospital, leading him to walk 2 miles home. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to pick my husband up from the hospital which led him to walk 2 miles home?"
My (34F) husband (37m) has Type 1 diabetes. He has a history of managing it very poorly. I have found him almost dead over a dozen times and the ambulance has to be called.
He is usually conscious but a few times he’s been so low, in the 20s, that he is basically in a coma. He’s very lucky actually that I do find him, either waking up in the middle of the night or coming home in time.
It’s absolutely terrifying and I am worried everyday I’m gonna just find him dead one day. He never acknowledges how this feels for me, just says “it’s what happens when you have diabetes.”
He also has a history of being extremely aggressive when he is low, sometimes he is goofy, but other times he is just mean. I get it’s his low sugar talking and not him. But it is still a lot to manage.
He has had a pump in the past which helps a lot. But when he doesn’t use it right or, like now his broke and we are waiting for a new one to come, he can’t monitor his sugar as well.
That said, he also doesn’t eat well or monitor it like he should.
We had had an argument the other night, and I asked that he sleep on the couch so we could be separate. I hate doing that because if he goes low and he’s not next to me I won’t know. I begged him to make sure he ate something substantial before he fell asleep so his sugar wouldn’t drop overnight.
Now I am 8 months pregnant, and thankfully in this case wake up a lot to pee. I woke up at 4 AM, and peed and decided to check on him. His sugar was incredibly low, he gets sweaty all over and when I woke him up he starting screaming at me.
I called the ambulance. He was super aggressive with them too and it took seven men, he’s a big guy 280 pounds, to hold him down and get an IV in him. He kept ripping it out. They finally got his sugar up enough to where he was coherent but they wanted to take him to the ER to be sure his sugar stayed stable.
I refused to go with him. I just feel like I finally reached my breaking point. I’ve been through this so many times and being pregnant, I just couldn’t deal with it. So I went back to bed knowing he would be ok.
He called me at 6:30 AM to say he needed a ride home. I said no, and hung up. He came home two hours later saying he had to walk home in his sock feet. He could have taken an Uber, we didn’t have much money but he could have called his parents to have them book him one. He could have called his brother or friend for a ride.
Now he is blaming me for “making him walk home” and his parents have said “you don’t do something like that to someone you love.” I don’t feel like I made him do anything.
I didn’t tell him to walk home. I didn’t think he would because that is insane. I’m so stressed out by this which isn’t good for me being pregnant but I just feel like I can’t say sorry like it was my fault. So AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA honestly this doesn’t sound like a safe relationship you’re about to give birth and your partner isn’t able or willing to care for themselves if possible especially with him getting aggressive.
You need to get out either stay with family or a close friend and use his history to get full custody tell him he’s not allowed to see the baby until he’s proven he’s no longer a threat to himself and others and willing to properly take care of himself because, at the moment, he’s not safe to be around for you or your child.
Sounds like all she has to do is stop waking him up, and he'll slip into a diabetic coma. And who wants to wake someone up if they are going to treat you like that?
“you don’t do something like that to someone you love.”
Well you don't treat the wife you love who is 8 months pregnant with your child that way, but husband has no problem with it so neither should OP.
It doesn't matter if he's low when he says those things, he is low because he chooses to be, so he also chooses to say those things. He needs to wake up before OP decides to save her kid from him and leaves. Then no-one will be calling an ambulance for him at all.
Get photo & video evidence of his aggressive outbursts, I have a feeling you'll need it if you get a divorce and fight for Custody. NTA for not driving, YTA if you stay with a child who will certainly be traumatized over his outbursts. He might even turn his anger towards the child...
He sounds exhausting. He's basically decided not to manage his condition, and pushes the responsibility for keeping him alive onto you. That's not marriage, it's a 24/7 nursing gig. You need to lay out some ground rules before that baby gets there.
You can't be monitoring him all the time while you're caring for a newborn. He's going to die because he refuses to be responsible. He's about to be a father - he needs to realise he's no longer the most important person in the room. If he doesn't improve, I'd ask him to leave while you care for your new baby, to reduce your stress. NTA.
Ok, I’m a Type I diabetic, and this post literally has me boiling. “It’s what happens when you have diabetes.” I’ve had numerous episodes where I’m THAT low, and have NEVER made that statement. It’s not something to be blown off. Does he enjoy coming around and feeling like he has a hangover?
I have been told, even though I have no memory of it, that I do fight when I’m that low. I have also been told that the most coherent thing I’ve said during an episode is “Get off of me” and “F you”. I have never heard of a diabetic having a low yelling at their partner horrible things just for trying to help.
Yes, sometimes lows do happen, even when you have tried to prevent them. It causes stress for anyone living with a diabetic. You, OP, are NTA, but your husband absolutely is! I hope you show your husband this post.
Husband: you have a spouse and a baby on the way. Grow the f up, and take accountability. You should know very good and well that this is a pattern, and talk to your doc about decreasing your basal insulin until your pump comes in. Stop making excuses, and blowing off this disorder.