'AITA for refusing to change our family vacation plans to accommodate my SIL’s dog?' UPDATED

"AITAH for not understanding why I have to plan a vacation around my SIL’s dog?"

My (28F) husband (31M) has a sister (38F) who will not travel without her dog. This has forced us to plan all vacations and plans around her dog. She lives a few states over and for context, does NOT have a health requirement or mental health requirement that requires this dog. The dog is also not a handicap or special needs dog that requires special care. She just claims the dog is “anxious”.

She refuses to travel anywhere she can’t drive with the dog. She also refuses to get a dog sitter despite me offering to pay for it. For further context, she went as far as to miss Thanksgiving and Christmas this past year because she didn’t feel comfortable traveling with this dog.

The entire family seems to be on board with accommodating the sister and the dog and forcing everyone else to travel much further to accommodate her. She is one of seven members of the family. We are planning a July family get together and the location is now a 8 hour drive from us and we can’t fly directly there. This is so the sister can drive with the dog for about 10 hours.

When I mentioned to my MIL that it seemed “silly” to accommodate this dog, she went full defensive mode. Saying “she just doesn’t feel comfortable getting a sitter” and “she doesn’t want to leave the dog alone they are very attached”. I get it, I have a pet myself and hate leaving her alone, but I would never force an entire family to accommodate my pet.

I don’t even think she will come to my husband and i’s vow renewal in the spring since she doesn’t fly with the dog and the drive will be too long. I just think it’s a little over the top and a bit inconsiderate for everyone else involved. So, please let me know your thoughts. I’m very open minded to try to see both sides.

EDIT:

The entire family except her and her husband live in Tennessee. She lives in Colorado. My husband also agrees with me that it’s bizarre that she is tethered to the will of her dog.

I like my SIL and all my husband’s family, she’s very very sweet. My intent of this post is not to bash my SIL, but to instead ensure I wouldn’t be rude if I chose not to attend.

My husband and I take plenty of vacations on our own. We visit his family a couple times a year and mine likewise. This is simply a get together for the upcoming holiday.

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Jen5872 said:

Stop planning trips with the sister. You and your husband should start planning your own vacations. You don't have to include the whole family. Go someplace that requires air travel.

sparksgirl1223 said:

I wouldn't plan around someone else. I'd make my plans and leave her to make hers.

Inner-Confidence99 said:

Quit joining when her dog is priortized over other family members. Also, ask is she going to pay for everything gas, motels, car maintenance since everything has to accommodate her and her dog. Nope I’d be done and do my own thing.

OP responded:

I see what you’re saying. I definitely wouldn’t ask her to pay for my things. But I’m definitely considering not attending just out of spite. My husband is very care free and doesn’t mind the drive, he also loves his sister very much. I’m considering not attending though.

luluzinhacs said:

why can’t she go by car while the rest of the family goes by plane?

OP responded:

She lives in Colorado. The rest of the entire family, including us, lives in Tennessee.

SpicySweett said:

OP doesn’t understand what they do and don’t have control over. The sis is going to bring her dog. The other family doesn’t mind it. You have no control over that. Stop trying to fight it, adjust it, complain about it, etc.

You have control over 1) Whether you go or not. 2) How you get there, where you stay, what things you join in on. That’s it. People endlessly bitching about things they have no control over just alienates others. The family has made it perfectly clear they like and will accommodate the dog. You dislike their opinions? Get over it, it’s their opinions and their family.

FrogsEatingSoup said:

Honestly, I wouldn’t go this year and would take a vacation to somewhere a far planes ride away. Why should you constantly have to accommodate and inconvenience yourself for a dog. I don’t hate dogs at all but I do hate unnecessarily long car rides. If his family can put up with her demands they should be able to accept that you don’t always want to.

OP responded:

So well said! Thank you.

She later shared this update on the situation:

Hey everyone, thanks to everyone for all the comments and perspectives. It was helpful to see multiple points of view. I had a conversation with my husband about this and we came to a great conclusion. We will be attending the family get together in July. The reason being, we genuinely do want to enjoy the area whether all members of the family are going or not.

We have some activities we will be doing on our own. Another big part of me just doesn’t want to rock the boat and cause drama. I respect my SIL and in laws and I don’t want to make my SIL feel bad for something that could very well be a mental illness issue for her. That being said, it is not my place to perhaps break this cycle for her. That will be my husband’s place.

That being said, my husband and I are on a very united front about this. We will be attending, but this is the last time we will accommodate the dog issue. If this happens again, we will simply decline to go and be clear on why. He also said he will be the one to explain our absence in further situations.

He also explained to me (for the first time) that SIL is the type to always get what she wants, throw a fit to MIL when she isn’t included, etc. I never knew that… so that’s even better context for the sake of the post. I will always be respectful of the SIL’s limitations, but unfortunately, this is the last time we will be subject to it. Thanks again for all the insight, hope everyone ha a wonderful, drama free July holiday.