'AITA for refusing to plan my son/DIL wedding because my future DIL is always late?'
"AITA for refusing to plan my son/DIL wedding because my future DIL is always late?"
Silent-Gold-2519
I am just retired and I was a wedding planner. My son and my future DIL asked me if I would plan their wedding since I have the experience. I did plan my daughter’s wedding.
I told them no and when asked why I told both of them that it is due to my future DIL lateness habit. She claims it is a cultural difference and everyone in her fmaily is late. This is true, they are always 30 minutes or more late and it drives me insane. I know she would be the person I would met up with often for this.
The wedding would need many met ups and I am not willing to sit around waiting for her or my son. Not to mention all the business appointments that I do not want to be embarrassed at when she is late.
I have talked to her about the lateness before and nothing has changed, she was literally late for my birthday dinner about a month ago. I have also talked to my son and he sides with her. I am not willing to tell her an earlier time since she is an adult and overall her lateness is disrespectful to me and my time.
I explained the reasoning above and they were pissed. My son was upset since I won’t giver her a chance and I did plan his sisters. My DILs is outraged since I told her she is the reason I won’t. Personally she has proven over and over again she won’t be on time so I don’t even want to try with this. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Stranger0nReddit
NTA. Why would you want to help when they don't respect your time? Of course, you could agree, tell them a time, and actually plan to show up 45 minutes later so you're not the one stuck waiting around. Since it's no big deal to them it shouldn't bother them.
Silent-Gold-2519 (OP)
Yeah I don’t play that game of telling them an earlier time.
She is an adult, I am not playing that game.
backnstolaf
NTA being late is not "cultural" that's just an excuse. It's one thing to be "fashionably late" to a party but it's completely rude to be late to appointments.
coastalkid92
NTA, you're spot on here. Habitual lateness is pretty rude on a whole and unless they want to hand the wedding completely off to you with 0 input, they will need to be involved and have respect for your time. Nothing up until this point has given you the indication that she'll be on time.
Silent-Gold-2519 (OP)
I think it would take a miracle for her to be on time. I know they will want to have input in their wedding and to be honest the women is usually the one that has the most input for weddings, I know she will be very hands on.
Malice_A4thot
This is so tough but definitely NTA. You could say "if you are more than 10 minutes late, all final ownership over that meeting's decisions will fall to me" and even write that into a contract. However, when she does finally show up, I am sure she will be unhappy and/or make the vendor start over!
Did you ask them what exactly you are supposed to do when she is constantly late? Make them answer - pose it as a simple question and stay silent until they fully explain.
smith91ea3
NTA. It’s understandable that you don’t want to take on the stress of planning a wedding when you know your future DIL’s lateness will be a constant issue. You've had multiple experiences where she’s been late, and it's frustrating to plan things around someone who doesn’t respect your time.
It’s not about playing favorites between your son and daughter—it’s about setting boundaries. You’re retired, and you have every right to decline something that you know will cause unnecessary stress. If they want you to be involved, they need to respect your time and make an effort to change their habits.