'AITA for refusing to buy baby furniture for my in laws who watch my baby once a week?'

"AITA for not wanting to purchase baby furniture for my in laws?"

Husband (36m) and I (31f) had our first child just under a year ago. MIL & FIL were older parents. They adopted my husband in their late 30s. They both come from huge families & are over the moon to finally have a grandchild. They asked to watch our kiddo one day a week while we are at work. To be clear -we do not need them to, they asked if they could.

To provide context: They are now in their 70s & slowing down. MIL was recently diagnosed with early stages of Alzheimer's-dementia, & while she is still in a functioning phase, does need reminders. They are both retired & on a fixed income. Their home is 5-7minutes away from our home.

Baby is now walking, eating solids, & taking two naps per day. I already bring all baby supplies for them each week: diapers, wipes, bottles, formula, meals, toys, books, extra clothes, changing pad, etc. MIL and FIL have started asking us to provide them with baby furniture to keep at their house.

They have asked us to buy them a wagon to be able to tote baby around outside (30lb baby is hard for them to carry around their yard), a highchair so they can feed him since he's too wiggly for them to feed on their laps.

They currently have a pack n play but want us to replace it with a crib because they have trouble bending over the pack n play to lay baby down for naps, & a car seat so they can take "field trips" (they are mall walkers & want to take baby with them).

Here's my problem-they only watch him one day a week & they want us to purchase all of these NOT cheap items to leave at their home. I already load and unload a ton of supplies at each home when I drop off/pick up. I also have already provided toys, books, blankets, & baby proofing supplies for their home.

Also, with MILs diagnosis I don't see them watching baby without us much longer. FIL is already struggling to support MIL while also watching a VERY mobile baby. As a compromise- I suggested they stay with baby at our home during the day.

It's comfortable, has all the baby supplies they could need, we have a cleaner come by once a week, lots of food & snacks in the fridge & all of the same tv channels that they have. Plus-I could leave the car seat instead of having to purchase a second one or load it in and out of my car in the morning.

But they are SO against this. It doesn't make any sense to me and quite frankly-I'm frustrated. We live on a very tight budget & they want us to buy them basically a whole nursery. They also have specific requests for the type of furniture they want (light weight, foldable or compact, easy to breakdown for when it's not in use the rest of the week, items that will grow with baby so they can use it for a long time, etc.

AITA for not wanting to purchase these things, & insisting that they should watch him at our home? I'm scraping together money currently to purchase shoes and winter clothing for baby...& they are pressuring us hard for these items.

This is what people had to say to OP:

Used_Mark_7911 said:

NTA. With your MIL’s diagnosis they really shouldn’t be babysitting anymore TBH. I suggest your husband has a frank conversation his father about it his next phase of their lives.

OP responded:

We have started this process already. I think the denial for both my FIL and husband is present because they know that this is the first big "sign" that MIL is no longer able to function normally. It's breaking their hearts. As mentioned another comments, we've already started the process of them only watching him while we are present.

I think phase one would be them watching baby at our house since we have cameras and could keep an eye on if anything goes wrong. From there, it would be a gentle letdown into us having to be there so they can watch him.It's just been really difficult to navigate.

flowerpetalizard said:

The thing about these diagnoses, from what I understand, is that things can happen rather suddenly. You think someone is fine one day, and then literally the next day they are wandering the sidewalk because they can’t remember which house is theirs. This is not a safe to leave the baby in NOW.

Waiting until spring just isn’t a good choice. It will be a hard conversation, but what if they leave the stove on or the water running with your child running around? NTA.

OP responded:

You've put my fears into words. Apparently this diagnosis runs in MIL family so they are pretty familiar with how it goes. I also believe that this is why they are pressuring us hard to get these items for them. I think they know that the clock is ticking and they might not have many more days available. It's mostly about breaking the news to them now that we cannot wait any longer.

AndSo-Itbegins said:

Early alzheimers and taking care of MY baby solo? NFW.

OP responded:

Definitely something I've thought of. Thankfully FIL is more than capable and MIL is still in a phase that she is present and can function normally. We are planning to switch to them having visits instead of babysitting ASAP.

IamIrene said:

"MIL was recently diagnosed with early stages of Alzheimer's-dementia." "MIL and FIL have started asking us to provide them with baby furniture to keep at their house."

Nope. Absolutely not. I would not let my mother do because with an early stages of Alzheimer's diagnosis which is not something to mess with...the point is, it's started and progressing. That puts her judgment entirely in jeopardy and your child with it.

NAH...yet. You are not TA for not investing in what sadly will be a short term situation.

By ALL means, have them over to see your child while you're there to ensure everyone's safety.

And OP responded:

Exactly. My poor husband is having a hard time accepting how rapidly her diagnosis is progressing and is caving under the pressure they're putting on him to get them these items so they can make memories while they still can.

I don't see it as a safe option through the spring and have already made arrangements for him to be back in his regular childcare after the new years instead of then watching him.

It's also difficult because they are so exhausted from watching baby that I use my lunch break to drive back across town and feed baby his lunch while eating my own so that they can take a break. It's wearing me out quickly and I don't have a chance to even use the restroom during the day.