"AITA for refusing to put my dog down?"
My dog is 17 years old, I have had him since he was a puppy and my entire adult life. He is a little chihuahua Pomeranian mix and a very sweet and gentle soul. He is very healthy especially for a dog his age and, although you can clearly see he’s an old man, he has only shown signs of aging through partial loss of vision and hearing. He has been impressively housebroken for the duration of his life up until recently.
He gets up out of his bed and just seems to go wherever he feels like it. When my husband and I are away, even for short durations, he is almost guaranteed to have an accident. He is still very mobile and verbal with a healthy appetite and joyful attitude. But now he just doesn’t care to wait when he has to “go."
I work from home and I am able to take him outside frequently which helps, but he has no shame in lifting a leg right in front of me if I’m in a meeting. I have recently ordered doggy diapers which have yet to arrive but this morning my husband suggested it’s time to put him down.
With an otherwise very healthy dog and lifelong companion, I was appalled and very defensive he would even suggest such a thing. I had this dog long before I met my husband and he and I don’t share the same opinion on putting him down.
My husband respond by saying “it’s what people do at this stage and it’s the mature thing to do." I know he’s tired of the accidents but my dog still has a very good quality of life with no underlying health issues. Am I the ahole for snapping and refusing to put him down?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Money-Possibility606 said:
NTA, but with some caveats. When dogs start having vision/hearing issues, they can sometimes have a lot of other problems you don't know about, especially with fear/anxiety. They can no longer see/hear danger, so they may perceive danger where there isn't any, and might be unnecessarily afraid, and really suffering from that anxiety. Physically, they might be "fine", but emotionally, they are not.
And when you add the accidents in, that adds to it. As a housebroken dog, he knows that he's not supposed to do that. So, when he does do it, he might feel fear and confusion, whatever version of "shame" a dog can feel, etc.
Conversely, he might be doing it on purpose - because doing it in the house is safer than doing it outside. Outside, since he can no longer see/hear danger, he might be afraid to do his business - it's a vulnerable position to be in.
He might physically be in great health for a 17 year old dog. But his physical organs aren't the only thing to consider. Just because he CAN continue to live doesn't always mean that he should. You're still NTA, but I do ask that you think about his entire quality of life, not just whether his body is technically still kicking.
makethatnoise said:
NAH. At this stage in life, it's reasonable for this kind of conversation to start. Take your dog to the vet; see what your vet says. Depending on that information, see how the dog diapers/any medication works.
I am a huge dog lover myself; but when frequent accidents start happening , and you have to either confine a dog to a small part of the house, or have your house have dog pee/poop accident all over, the quality of life does diminish.
I'm sorry you're going through this, dogs aging is very very hard to handle (I say as someone getting up at 4am everyday with my 14 year old basset hound).
Intelligent_Read_697 said:
If you trust your vet, i would ask their opinion regarding your pup's quality of life right now and near future. Then make the call from there.
the_elephant_stan said:
I'm going with NAH.Being incontinent is not fun, but if he doesn't seem bothered then his quality of life is still good enough to try the diapers. That's what I would do. But incontinence is usually a sign of something else wrong, so be advised that his health may take a turn soon.
The strategy with putting animals down is to try to find that sweet spot where you don't wait too long and let them suffer, but you also don't do it needlessly too early. So your husband is probably thinking that now is the time to say goodbye to prevent suffering. Or at least I hope he is. If he's just annoyed with the poop then he's an ahole.
DoublecursedAngel said:
NTA. I lost my dog in April. She couldn’t hold it most days. But it was the second time she fell over for no reason that i decided I was being selfish. Well said goodbye that night.
Crafty-Anywhere-3578 said:
NTA, but diaper all the time and a crate when you’re not home. I love my dogs but constantly cleaning up bathroom accidents would get old and is surely affecting the smell of your home.
scruffigan said:
YTA for snapping at your husband and responding as though the very thought was appallingly offensive. It may not be time to put your dog down today. But with a 17yr old pup who's having an accident every time you're away and sometimes while you're there (in addition to blindness and deafness) it IS time to have this conversation. Which is all your husband was starting to do with you.