'AITA for refusing to reconcile with my wife's friend after she accused me of cheating?'
"AITA with refusing to reconcile with my wife's friend after being accused of cheating?"
My wife and I have been together for 7 years. There has never been any infidelity on either end. When we moved into our current apartment last year, my wife befriended a couple up the hall, Anna and Sarah. Anna has the view of "all men are horrible monsters." She's entitled to her opinion and I get where she's coming from to some extent.
Over Memorial Day weekend, my wife left town to visit some family. On Friday night, I went to the corner store and got myself a 6 pack of beer, hopped on discord with a buddy, and painted some Warhammer 40k figures. Before I started painting, I took my ring off to avoid getting any primer, paint, etc on it.
I forgot to put my ring back on before bed. The next morning I went out to get some coffee and ran into Anna and Sarah on my way back in, chatted for maybe 2 minutes. 10 minutes later my wife calls me and asks why I'm not wearing my ring. I tell her that I must have forgotten to put it back on after painting.
I also asked her how she knew I wasn't wearing it. Apparently, Anna took a picture of me while we were speaking and sent it to my wife with a message that basically said "The first time you go out of town and his ring off. He's probably cheating on you"
My wife immediately believes me and told me as much. Just to ensure there were no doubts, I sent her my location history showing the only time I left the apartment on Friday was to get beer and a picture of my work-in-progress figures (Custodes, IYKYK).
My wife returned Monday and told me the following. After we spoke on the phone she messaged Anna saying that she appreciates being looked after, but that I wasn't up to anything nefarious and had even provided proof.
Anna replied that I likely had this all planned out and had my 'proof' at the ready and only had to use it because I 'got caught.' I ask my wife, what would Anna like to see to prove that I basically spent my Friday night doing the OPPOSITE of cheating?
I feel a bit attacked and offered for Anna to come over and read the discord chat history between my buddy and I, which is full of back-and-forth links and 40k pictures from 7pm until midnight when I logged off. My wife says I'm turning this into nothing, and insisting I'm innocent is only going to make Anna dig in her heels.
Next weekend they are having a picnic and Sarah invited us. I tell my wife that she should go without me, I don't feel like spending any time around Anna, who clearly does not respect me and thinks I'm a serial cheater with no morals. I don't want to spend the afternoon getting the side-eye from her, and I have some anxiety that she's going to (or already has been) gossiping about me.
My wife thinks I should extend an olive branch by coming to the picnic with some cookies and telling Anna that I appreciate that she's looking out for my wife, but nothing happened. I feel like I did nothing wrong and that getting back in Anna's good graces is not warranted. AITA for not just smoothing things over?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
angel9_writes said:
WTF. Why were you even willing to bend over backwards to try disprove such a out of the box and unfounded accusation.
Someone texts me a pic they took of my partner without their knowledge to conflate no wearing a ring to out cheating based on NOTHINg but that, I'm telling that person they invade my partners privacy, my privacy and to eff off. NTA And your wife should have nothing to do with her either.
OP responded:
This is the first time in my life I have been accused of cheating so maybe I was a bit too defensive. I will be talking to my wife about Anna when she gets home tonight.
Zazzog said:
NTA. Anna's toxic and you don't need that in your life. Neither does your wife, but that's up to her. Anna's not going to stop though, and I hope your wife is smart enough to see through Anna's BS.
OP responded:
I hit the character limit so I couldn't include this, but my wife has very few friends and I don't want her losing Anna (and by extension, Sarah) over this.
zealot_ratio said:
NTA, but I'd thread the needle. Go, be calm and polite and warm, but don't address it at all. Just be friendly and pretend her accusations didn't bother you at all. You go in acting like you need her approval, and she'll dangle it more. Go in lik eyou don't need her approval. Set the standard for future interactions.
OP responded:
I wouldn't mind doing that, but as I mentioned, I'm worried that Anna has been gossiping and that I'll show up to this event with people thinking I'm a cheater. On the other hand, I have no proof she has been gossiping.
P35HighPower said:
Your wife knows the truth and trusts you, what anyone else thinks or whatever gossip Anna may or may not have been spreading means less than nothing. You owe Anna nothing, in fact she owes you the apology as she is the one trying to disrupt your marriage. Let me guess, Anna is single right?
Don’t let it affect the time you spend with your wife. Go, enjoy the day, enjoy the time with your wife and ignore Anna as she wallows in her own bigotry and self hatred.
OP responded:
No, Anna is in a relationship with Sarah. We met them 9 months ago when we moved to a new city and this is the first time any drama has happened, aside from Anna being standoffish (which she is with most men, apparently). Sarah is very friendly and I like her.
evident_lee said:
At the point that you said you were painting Warhammer 40K figures there was no more need to explain not cheating.
OP responded:
Haha yes, that's why I said I spent my Friday doing the opposite of cheating!
NomadicusRex said:
NTA - Your wife and Anna are the AHs. Anna for trying to destroy your marriage and blow up your entire life. A divorce after undeserved accusations of cheating one of the worst things you can go through in life, and Anna deliberately tried to inflict that on you. Your wife is a GIANT AH for staying friends/acquaintances with Anna after she tried to destroy your marriage.
This woman, Anna, is your enemy, and one of the worst you're ever likely to have. Your wife is collaborating with the enemy by keeping this friendship. There can be no "olive branch" after this.