'AITA for refusing to reconcile with my husband after he tried to sabotage my job offer?'
"AITA for refusing to reconcile with my husband after he tried to sabotage my job offer?"
WesHarrison
I’ve been married to my husband (35M) for seven years. We’ve had ups and downs, but I always thought we had each other’s backs. Recently, I (33F) was offered an amazing job in another city, something I’ve been working toward for years.
It’s a significant pay increase, and while it would require a move, the company offered relocation assistance and a flexible schedule. It felt like an actual dream come true.
When I shared the news with my husband, he was less than thrilled. He said moving would be “disruptive” to his routine and claimed I was being selfish for considering a job that wasn’t “family-oriented.”
He works remotely and has no real ties to our current location, so I didn’t think it would be an issue. I reassured him this move would benefit both of us, especially financially, and even suggested we could find him a hobby or local club to get involved in once we settled.
A week before my start date, my new boss emailed me, confused about why I hadn’t submitted some key onboarding documents. I was shocked because I knew I had emailed them the day I received them. After digging into my sent folder, I discovered that someone had deleted the email and emptied my trash folder. That someone was my husband.
When I confronted him, he admitted to it but claimed he was doing it “for us,” saying he was afraid the move would ruin our marriage. He thought if the documents were never submitted, I’d give up on the job and stay. I was livid.
This wasn’t a small misstep—he actively tried to sabotage my career. I ended up resending the documents and explained the situation to my boss, who, thankfully, was understanding.
Now, I’ve moved to the new city alone. My husband has been begging me to come back and says he “only did it because he loves me.” But to me, love doesn’t involve undermining your partner’s goals.
He’s called me cold for not giving him another chance, and even his family has reached out, saying I’m throwing away our marriage over a “mistake.” I feel betrayed and unsure if I’m overreacting. AITA for refusing to reconcile after what he did?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
gringaellie
NTA that wasn't a mistake, that was a betrayal.
ajkm2
Love doesn’t excuse betrayal. What he did was selfish, manipulative, and showed complete disregard for her hard work and aspirations. She is not overreacting, she's protecting herself from further harm.
3Pennywise3
This doesn’t add up. Deleting something out of your sent folder doesn’t stop it being sent to the other person. If it’s in your sent folder, then it’s already been sent to them. So what exactly did your husband do?
Maximal_gain
NTA get a lawyer and file for divorce. DO NOT take him back under any circumstances! That kind of underhanded bull S$/t is going to be repeated. Whats keeping him there? another woman?
Perfect_Ring3489
NTA. That was underhanded and manipulative. I would be gone too. You can't trust him.
TrickPaper9696
YTA because this is fake. He deleted a message you sent? Him deleting something out of your outbox would do nothing to the message on their end. So for this to have worked he would’ve had to access the new employers email and delete it from there and then empty their trash.
Unless your husband’s job is hacking and you left this out, could you please learn how emails work before publishing your next work of fiction?
SockMaster9273
NTA. A mistake is putting Ice-cream in the fridge rather than the freezer after a midnight snack. What he did was sabotage, betrail, and a great reason to call a lawyer.
Cowabungamon
ESH. Him for obvious reasons. But also, a move should be a joint decision that you both agree on. Sounds like you made up your mind and just expected him to tag along.
ApartmentMaterial950
Sounds like you guys may be incompatible or maybe need some couples counseling. You accepted a job that required a move without his knowledge or agreement to move. I know it is a financial gain and furthers your career but at the expense of your husband getting any input to your decision.
He then tried to underhandedly make it look like you didn’t want the offer. All this led to a separation. Now you need to decide if your marriage is worth saving. And the two of you need to make joint decisions on how to proceed.
Datura_Rose
NTA. This is not someone you can trust. It's fine for moving to be a dealbreaker for him; it's not fine for him to sabotage you. How do you come back from that? It seems like this is over. You should focus on yourself and your new job, and if your husband wants to stay where he is, let him, and move forward accordingly.
Strong_Arm8734
What he did was premeditated and deliberate. That isn't a mistake. NTA. He's jealous and/or insecure about having a wife more intelligent and successful than him. He would just sabotage you another way if you were to go back.