'AITA for refusing to refund my pregnant friend who cancelled last minute on our pre-booked holiday?'
"AITA for refusing to refund my pregnant friend who cancelled last minute on our pre-booked holiday?"
Admirable_Biscotti70
For the past few months, we (24F, 25F, 26F, 27F, 28F) have been discussing and planning our girls trip to Greece. We were all onboard and confirmed logistics then began to book the flights and Airbnb. We all paid the Airbnb in full upfront and agreed to split the cost equally between us.
5 days before we fly out (mid September) our newly married friend (25F) sends a very long paragraph to our holiday group chat announcing that she is pregnant and therefore is unable to come because of some complications. She stated at the very end of her announcement message that we should pay her back after the holiday and not to worry about it now.
She didn’t ask if we could consider or if we’re able to pay her back. She just made the statement and assumed it was her right. In the paragraph she states she found out about her pregnancy over two months ago (early July) and was keeping it quiet.
More so, on the 5th August we booked our flights and airbnb, and In the same conversation, someone mentioned thinking she’s pregnant because of health complaints that she’d been making and she replied with “you wish” and that “my partner wouldn’t let me travel if I was” which at this point, reservations were confirmed and we all had paid our portions but we now know that she knew she was pregnant all along.
We made it clear when booking that we’re all on a set budget and we found the Airbnb specifically within our budgets given it would be divided by 5 people including her (everyone who confirmed attendance).
Now that she’s expecting a refund, it takes the amount we each paid for the Airbnb way outside of our budgets and is unreasonable for any of us to pay that amount if we do redivide.
There were a couple girls going through financial difficulty and they made it clear they’d only be involved in certain activities that fit their budget. Especially now that she’s cancelled last minute, making changes to the reservations are out of the question.
For context, this particular friend has a tendency of being flakey and uncommunicative, especially in the come up to events. Sometimes only when it suits her, will she communicate.
In the run up to the holiday she was especially quiet, distant and not replying to messages. Almost as though she wanted to build anticipation to her pregnancy announcement. But now this issue has tainted her whole announcement and we feel blind sided by the fact she expects a refund.
None of us are able to accept the new cost of the Airbnb nor her entitlement in expecting a refund. However she is our friend and going through what seems to be a tough 1st trimester (unbeknownst to us), we want to be empathetic and understanding to her situation but why wasn’t she empathetic to the financial situation of those her actions have now affected.
It’s seems as though she agreed to the holiday and strung us along knowing she wouldn’t be coming.
AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Basic-Regret-6263
NTA. IIRC, you pay a surcharge per person for Airbnb. You could try to ask the owner if you could get a refund for her individual surcharge, and give that back to her if the landlord agrees.
But otherwise, you're not "refunding" her. You do not hold any Funds of hers that you can Return. You're just paying for her bad planning out of your own pocket. Just write back "sorry, the Air BNB host won't refund for your share."
Allaboutbird
NTA. She knew before the AirBnB details were settled that she was pregnant and if she thought there was a possibility that would interfere with her ability to go, she could have made up some excuse at that time. It's unfortunate if unexpected health issues have arisen that are preventing her from going, but as much as that isn't her fault, it's not yours, either.
emptingPenguin369
NTA. She should have cancelled as soon as she knew she was pregnant. Since she knew in July and you made the bookings in August, you chose the bookings based on there being a fifth person involved. She didn't have to disclose her pregnancy, but she should have told you she had some health concerns and doesn't feel comfortable leaving the country currently.
No-Accountant3744
NTA I get not wanting to share pregnancy news until ready but there had to be other ways to keep the secret. It sounds like she paid and booked her share knowing she likely wouldn’t be going. It’s not fair to put out other peoples budgets because of her poor planning.
latents
NTA for allowing her the right as an adult to live with the consequences of her choices. You owe her nothing. You could offer if you choose to do do, to let her find an alternative person to travel with you (assuming that she finds someone who you all are comfortable with) and that person can pay her whatever amount they agree upon between themselves.
TheKings1337
NTA but it’s not worth stressing anyone out (yourself, your friends, or the pregnant friend). Honestly I’m of two minds here of basically just saying “eh she already agreed all while pretty much knowing she wouldn’t be going with you guys, you guys don’t have to give her a refund at all.”
think mainly the first one in my mind, she knew before you guys booked that she was pregnant and probably already knew she wouldn’t be going and is now making it all of your problems, but also is it worth causing stress and future issues by not giving the refund and just kind of slowly doing it when you guys could afford to?