'AITA for refusing to 'rescue' my husband when he missed his international flight home?'
"AITA for refusing to rescue my 38yo husband after he showed up 16 minutes before his international flight home and missed it?"
So my husband (38M) just missed his flight home. For context, I (39F) am the one who booked it using our household money, checked him in, and warned him multiple times not to cut it close. This was a Basic Economy ticket (aka non-refundable, non-changeable). He knew that, because when he tried to get me to move it from Sept 3 to Sept 8, I told him nope, not paying extra.
And what happened? Exactly what I said would. He stayed at his mom’s house until the last possible second, left too late, and rolled up to the airport at 6:44AM for a 7:00AM flight home.
Bag cutoff had been closed for almost 40 minutes. He blew up my phone with like 7 calls, and when I finally answered he hit me with, “Babe, I need you to get me another ticket.” I said, “You need WHO? Not me.” I reminded him I warned him, and I wasn’t bailing him out. He tried, “I’ve never missed a flight before,” and I hung up.
This isn’t even new. Since this whole “family reunion” plan started, the universe has been screaming don’t go and he ignored it: • He couldn’t rent a car because of his driving record. • When I tried to add him to my insurance, we discovered his license is revoked. Adding him would’ve taken my premium from under $200/month to about $800/month. Hard pass.
• He accused me of not being a “supportive/united” wife because I wouldn’t rent him a car in my name. Then tried to get someone else to do it. Also failed.
And this isn’t the first time his “we have plenty of time” attitude screwed us. When our oldest and I traveled recently, we couldn’t check bags because he dragged his feet, and we had to sprint through the airport with carry-ons to make the gate.
Meanwhile, real life: • We’ve got 4 kids. • We’ve got 2 houses (one overseas, one in the States). • The overseas one we just bought is a fixer-upper, and every spare dollar is going into making it livable. • The house we were in has already sold, but the new one isn’t ready yet because of delays. • Translation: funds are tight.
So now he’s stranded at his mom’s. Our house in the States is booked solid on Airbnb until November. The kids and I won’t even be back until November 27. So he can stay right there with the family he always runs to and defends.
He and his family will probably spin it like I’m cold and unsupportive. But from where I’m standing: I paid once, I warned him, and I’m done being his permanent bailout. The money wasted on his missed flight? That’s just tuition for the lesson he enrolled himself in.
TL;DR: Husband showed up at 6:44AM for a 7:00AM international flight home, missed it, and now wants me to pay again. I said nope, enjoy your mom’s couch until November. AITA?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
Material_Cellist4133 said:
NTA. Also it might be better to divorce. I mean you are literally parenting your husband. And that isn’t marriage.
passthebluberries said:
Does your husband not have a job he needs to get back for or anything? Totally NTA, and your husband sounds exhausting and irresponsible.
OP responded:
No he’s a Disabled Veteran
GodivaPlaistow said:
"We've got 4 kids." No, YOU have 5 children, one of whom is staying with grandma. Hopefully this will give you some breathing space. Maybe think about how you want your future to look and what it will take to get you there. I'm not screaming divorce, but what you've described isn't sustainable in the long run.
OP responded:
He is miserable and he says he wants to go home. He speaks so highly of his family but when things happen, they’re not even supportive so. I honestly pray that this is the lesson that he has to learn to change or do better.
LauraLand27 said:
Entitled man-child. He needs to put on his big boy pants and figure out how to get out of messes he makes, all by himself. Although, he’ll probably get mommy to help. He really should put on his man pants and learn to not get himself into these situations in the first place.
If no one wants to give him the money to get a ticket back home, he could work at McDonald’s for a while and save up all by himself. This has the added benefit of you not having to play mommy to him for a while. It will also give you time to decide if what you get out of this relationship is worth the aggravation. Best of luck, my internet friend!
PigsIsEqual said:
"The money wasted on his missed flight? That’s just tuition for the lesson he enrolled himself in." Love this. But it's taken you too long to get to this level of wisdom. Always late? Sh!tty driving records? You both didn't realize his license is revoked? WTF?
OP responded:
So, he didn’t mention anything about his license when he moved out of the country to be with me he led me to believe that everything was perfectly fine. Come to find out he had tickets he didn’t resolve and he was just as surprise about his license being revoked as I was. Smh. But he has since went up there and appeared in court, and it was dismissed.
The_Motherlord said:
"We" are not buying and selling multiple properties and raising 4 kids. "He" is not buying and selling and raising. You are buying and selling and raising kids. He's just trailing along. Do you really think he would coordinate buying a property if you were taking care of everything?
He can't coordinate an active driver's license or a rental car! How does an adult that can't manage his own flight or car rental coordinate a home purchase? Does he even work?
And OP responded:
You are absolutely right. He doesn’t understand the reality of getting everything to line up perfectly responsible with the buying of the properties and taking care of the kids and everything. He is more of the additional financial backing, but at this point is becoming even more stressful to have him as that.