'AITA for refusing to send my wife to her BFF’s house to take care of her newborn twins?' UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to send my wife over to her friend’s house to take care of her newborn twins again?"

So, I (31M) and my wife (31F) have been married for a few years now. We don’t have kids of our own yet, but one of her close friends, let’s call her M, recently gave birth to twins.

M is in a rough spot financially. Her husband works a ton like 8+ hour shifts, sometimes out till 3AM. Her MIL is too old to help (and has some health issues too), so my wife has basically been playing part-time nanny for free. She’s been going over almost every day for two weeks straight to help with the babies and even feeding them, helping clean the house, everything.

And I get it — newborns are hard, especially twins. And M needs help. But my wife was running herself into the ground. One day she came home looking completely wiped. I asked if she was okay and at first, she brushed it off. But when I pressed a little, she admitted her stomach was killing her.

That kind of set me off a bit. I told my wife to rest and take a nap. She left her phone in the living room and around two hours later like 6PM, M called. I picked up. Greeted her. Asked how the twins were.

Then M asked if I could send my wife back over again to help with the babies.

I told her no. Straight up. I said, “Look, I get it, you’re overwhelmed, but my wife is sick right now. She has stomach pain and she’s exhausted.” I kept tone calm.

She pushed a bit more, asking if my wife could just come for a little while. I said, “Maybe ask someone else this time. She needs to rest. She’s not doing well.” M said okay and hung up.

Fast forward a week. My wife comes home, a little shaken. She says one of our mutual friends told her that M’s been talking sh*t behind her back even calling me controlling, saying I “don’t let her make her own decisions” and that my wife acts like “my puppet.” Like… what?

First off, my wife makes her own damn decisions. I didn’t forbid her from going. I just protected her when she was too tired to stand up for herself. And the wildest part? When I told her what happened after her nap, she actually thanked me for standing up for her and that she didn't want to go back to m's.

So now I’m left wondering: AITA for not sending my wife back over to help?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Chefnick500 said:

NTA for sure .. there’s a difference between helping out of kindness and being called for on demand … but you need to have a clear and frank conversation with your wife and her with M . To set boundaries, expectations and to reinforce your own relationship

OP responded:

Hey, thank you so much for your comment. My wife recently "came clean" (her words not mine) and told me about how M would constantly guilt trip her into staying for longer hours. This of course pissed me off but my wife and I both knew this time that she needed to be the one and confront m, not just about the guilt tripping but also for the way she talked about me.

Being called controlling definitely hurt but all I was trying to do was protect my wife. My wife isn't this soft usually but M and her have been friends for 7 years so feelings and all come into the matter too.

Previous-Complex9357 said:

You sound like a great husband & your wife is awesome. But now she needs to tell M no,she needs to calmly tell m no she ‘can’t come over, maybe x (fill in name of person she said shit to) can help. Also m probably doesn’t need a puppet,she needs real help’ That last part said dripping with sarcasm…M will know that she has been caught.

FluffieBallz101 said:

NTA your wife was clearly doing to much for someone who was taking advantage of your wife's kindness. you stood up for your wife and her health. life gets hard but m seems to really be struggling with money so why didn't she ask her own mother or other family to help out

Dismal_Boot_6021 said:

NTA. I had a friend that did this. While your wife might not want to, she might need to cut M off. If this is what is getting back to her, a lot of worse things are probably being said. I’d clear it up with mutual friends the whole situation and then tell M not to ask you for anything again.

SquareGiraffe7373 said:

M is an ungrateful and entitled POS..

She needs to get her shit together and get those friends that she is sh*t talking your wife to to step up and be her free nanny service.

And OP responded:

Hey, I really appreciate your comment and tbh I agree with you. M, I used to like her as my wife's friend before, she was nice and her and my wife used to hang out like every week, though things changed after she got married a year ago and even worse during her pregnancy.

My wife mentioned her change but still supported her but now, things are getting out of control and after my wife told me about M guilt tripping her to take care of the babies, it pissed me off. This time my wife will go and confront her, let's see

He later shared this brief update:

We found from our mutual friend that her husband has a doubt that M cheated, which is why he hasn't been helping with the kids and staying out. Nothing is clear but at least we know why he wasn't taking care of the kids.