I (21F) have been with my fiancé (24M) for three years, and we have a baby together. I love him, but he has a serious gambling problem. He’s lost thousands at casinos and through sports betting, even though he has a block on gambling apps—he just bypasses it by sending money to his friends to bet for him.
In the past, I actually wanted a shared bank account alongside our separate accounts. I didn’t want to be fully responsible for the household and childcare expenses, and I thought a shared account would push him to contribute equally.
But if I’m being honest, I don’t trust that he wouldn’t “borrow” from it to gamble. He’s promised to stop so many times, but he always starts again. I even compromised, saying he could gamble on his birthday or a friend’s birthday, but that didn’t stop him from “finding himself” at the casino and losing thousands.
His family, while not as extreme, also gambles (mostly scratch cards), and they’re defending him, saying I should be more supportive. But I come from a well-to-do family that values money and the hard work that goes into earning it. We were raised to be responsible with our finances, and I’ve seen firsthand the damage gambling can cause.
Now that we’re engaged, he’s pushing for a shared bank account and is furious that I refuse. I also told him I want a prenup because I work hard for my money, and I hate the idea that if we were to divorce, he could get spousal support—money I know he’d likely gamble away.
He says I’m being unfair and that marriage is about trust and partnership. But how can I trust someone who repeatedly breaks their promises? Part of me also thinks he might call off the wedding if I push too hard for a prenup and separate finances. His family is making me feel guilty too. So, AITA?
The real question is why are you with someone with a gambling addiction and don’t know if prenup is ok if he runs up huge debts. Time to end the engagement.
You’re 21. I understand you have a baby with this man but is this REALLY the future you want for you and your child? It won’t get better.
YTA to yourself and your kid for continuing to getting stuck in this mess.
NTA. Absolutely do not have a joint bank account and really reconsider marrying him. The legal and financial implications of his future gambling debts can screw your future for a very long time, it would not be a wise decision no matter how much you love him.
"Part of me also thinks he might call off the wedding if I push too hard for a prenup and separate finances."
This here is your answer to the question you didn't ask: if that is a dealbreaker for him, his reasoning behind getting married is - at least partly - to get access to your finances.
You should be protecting your assets for you and your child. It doesn't sound he contributes a lot money wise to your household anyways - please be smart about it. NTA. And I would not marry someone with gambling problems and sketchy finances.
NTA. You are very young, your whole life ahead of you. Don’t hitch your wagon to a gambler. He will bleed you dry. He will break promises. He will lie and steal. He has an illness that will ruin your lives. Get out while you can.
NTA - he has a gambling addiction that he values more than your relationship or it would have already stopped. Think about that for a minute! Because of his addiction, he has proven that you can’t trust him with finances. At minimum a prenup. But I would NOT get married to this person!
If you go ahead and marry him, he will think you have accepted his intermittent/constant gambling. His response that he values trust and partnership is extremely rich, since he has already proven you can’t trust him and he clearly does not value the partnership because of his past behavior.
Past behavior is an excellent predictor of future behavior. Be very glad you know this now. Knowing your background and values his character flaw for gambling will be a constant resentment and pain for the rest of your relationship married or not.
I’m not so sure you should get married to this man. He doesn’t match your values and this fight you in right now will always be a problem. Think twice. It’s cheaper to drop him now than after the marriage and the litigation.
Don't have joint bank accounts, don't have joint credit cards, and don't marry this man. If you marry him, despite whatever prenup you may have, during Divorce, the court can hold you party responsible for some your you (then former) partner's debts.
The ONLY way to protect your finances is tonot get married, not have joint accounts, and not sign together for large purchases and leases (house, car, etc ...). Also, you need to have, and keep, a job. An addict will sell their soul for their fix. You can't count on your fiance to maintain stable finances to keep your child fed and housed.
NTA. You’ve set clear boundaries because of his gambling problem, and it’s understandable that you don’t want to risk your finances. It’s not about not trusting him, it’s about protecting yourself and your baby. You’ve tried compromising, but he keeps going back to gambling. His family might not get it, but you’re being realistic and responsible. You deserve to feel secure in your financial future.
How can you get engaged to someone who repeatedly breaks their promises? You’re worried that HE might call off the wedding if he can’t get access to your money? Listen to yourself! Red flags waving everywhere! Wake up and smell the coffee and get out before he ruins your life.
A prenup will NOT protect you from your portion of shared marital debt. You will be on the hook and he won't be able to pay and it will ALL be on YOU. Why are you marrying this moron?