'AITA for refusing to use my inheritance to pay for my sister's wedding?'

"AITA for refusing to give up my inheritance to pay for my sister’s wedding?"

My dad passed away last year after a long illness. It was devastating, but honestly, the last few years of his life were harder than the funeral itself. I (28F) was the one who moved back home to take care of him. I handled doctor’s appointments, late-night emergencies, bills, and basically ran the house when he couldn’t anymore. It was exhausting, but I don’t regret it. He and I got very close during that time.

My sister (32F), on the other hand, lives out of state. She came back twice in the last year of his life — once for Christmas, and once for his birthday. I don’t think she’s a bad person, but she definitely distanced herself from the responsibility. Her excuse was that she had her “own life” and “couldn’t just drop everything.” I understood at the time, but it still hurt.

When Dad passed, his will specifically left me a decent chunk of money. Not millions, but enough that I could pay off my student loans and actually start saving for a house. It was clear in the will that this money was for me because of the sacrifices I made while caring for him.

My sister received other things (he left her some jewelry and a classic car he had restored that she always loved), but the majority of liquid assets went to me.

Fast forward to now. My sister got engaged in May. Her fiancé is nice enough, but they both have champagne tastes on a beer budget. The wedding they’re planning is way out of their price range: destination resort, designer dress, open bar, huge guest list. I assumed they were going into debt for it, which I thought was their choice.

But then, about a month ago, my sister sat me down and said, “I need your help. Dad would’ve wanted you to use some of that inheritance to make my wedding special.” She wasn’t asking for a small loan. She wanted me to hand over $30,000 to cover the venue and catering.

I told her no. I said that Dad left me that money for a reason, and I’m using it to build stability in my life — not blow it on a party. She immediately got defensive and accused me of being “selfish” and “choosing money over family.”

Now my mom has gotten involved. She says Dad would’ve wanted me to “share” and that “family comes first.” I told her Dad literally wrote a will that reflected his wishes, and if he wanted to fund my sister’s wedding, he would’ve set aside money for that. Mom keeps saying I’m tearing the family apart.

My sister has been telling relatives that I’m punishing her for not being around when Dad was sick, which makes me feel sick to my stomach because it’s kind of true — I am resentful. But it also feels unfair that the person who did all the work gets nothing, and the one who barely showed up gets rewarded.

Some cousins are on her side and have texted me things like “It’s just money, you’ll make more” and “Your dad would’ve wanted her to have her special day.” Others (thankfully) have said it’s insane she’s even asking.

Now my sister says she won’t invite me to the wedding at all unless I “do the right thing.” My mom is begging me to reconsider “for the sake of peace.” But honestly, I can’t see myself handing over $30k just so my sister can have a fancy Instagram wedding while I put my future on hold. Still, the guilt is eating at me. AITA for refusing to share my inheritance with my sister to pay for her wedding?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

JustWowinCA said:

'It's just money?' People are wild. NTA. Time to go low contact with her, your mom and their flying monkeys. Put that money somewhere they can't get it and live your life.

PrestigiousTrouble48 said:

Hell no. Tell everyone that asks “I will not disrespect my Dad by wasting money he worked hard for on a party that Sis can’t afford. End of discussion”

Aura_Sing said:

If you give her one penny OP I will will be mad on your behalf. She could have been there for him but she wasn't. I was the kid that was there - I know how hard it is and I know about people who show up with their hand out out after the fact. Please tell both your sister and your mom to scram.

If they cared about YOU the way the way you care for them y'all wouldn't be here right now. They don't. Your sister will continue to be the way she is, wont be grateful and your mom is just an asshole for even trying to ask this of you. All the cousins can chip in if they want this so bad.

Tell your mom she can borrow the money or take it out of her retirement and mess up HER future if she wants "peace" so bad. Ask her why she loves your sister more - because you can't see any other reason for her to ask this of you.

Make her explain it to you in detail. Block anyone who gives you any kind of shit at all. Seriously - do not cave to these vultures - like you said this is for a party and it will affect your stability. Please please don't do it,