"AITA for refusing to share my snacks on vacation?"
I (30s F) go on vacation with my family every year to the lake for a week. The group includes my parents, my brother and his wife, and my sister. Our parents pay for the house rental.
I have offered to chip in numerous times and been told no, that they like doing this for the family. My siblings and I find other ways to contribute, paying for dinner out, picking up the groceries, or paying for an activity.
The lake is kind of in the middle of nowhere with only one medium sized grocery store that’s super overpriced about 20-30 minutes away from the house we rent. Because of this I always make a run to a grocery store in my hometown before the trip to stock up on drinks/snacks.
I always text the family group chat to see if anyone wants anything. Most of the time people say no thanks and that they’ll buy snacks at the store at the lake. I know my family well enough that I always buy extras since you can’t open a snack on the beach without everyone suddenly wanting some. It’s fine and I don’t mind doing it.
However for the last couple of years even the extra snacks I bring seem to not be enough to get us through the week, despite the fact that my whole family laughs about the amount of stuff I bring.
Then when we do the big grocery buy on the first day of the trip no one gets anything because “OP brought enough to feed an army!” By the end of the week we’re out of everything and I either have to go on a supply run or go snackless. I don’t tend to eat big meals and prefer to pick/snack through the day so a lack of snacks makes me hangry and not pleasant to be around.
For our trip this year I specifically kept out a bag of pretzels and kept them in my room. Watching the other snacks be consumed through the week I warned everyone that I wouldn’t be making an extra run this year and they brushed me off.
By Thursday morning the snacks were gone. I took my pretzels and kind of concealed them in my bag for the afternoon and tried to be sneaky when I was eating them, but pretty quickly my brother saw and asked me to pass him the pretzels.
I said no, and he laughed like I was joking and walked over to take them. I said “Sorry, but this is the last bag and it’s got to last me until we leave on Sunday.” He got annoyed at me and said I was being ridiculous.
We attracted the attention of my parents who basically told me to share with my brother (like we were 8 and 10 not both in our 30s) and then made some comments about how I was being ridiculous over $3 pretzels after they paid for the whole trip.
I maintain that I wasn’t being ridiculous, that I’d brought over $150 worth of snacks that had been decimated, and that my brother is a big boy with a big boy job who said he didn’t want anything when I asked and could have 100% provided his own snacks.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA your family is acting ridiculous and greedy. They always need someone to team against in these stories, sorry that was you.
I would have motioned the bag towards him, and said “you can have the rest of the bag, if you go get more snacks for everyone.”
NTA. All adults in this story can be responsible for their own snacks and/or meals. Everyone in the story knows that this trip is coming up, and that snacks will be needed. Everyone in this story knows that the store by the lake is expensive and they should bring their own snacks if they want to save some cash. This isn't some trip your parents sprung on you the day of.
I don't see why any additional planning is necessary on your part for people to bring certain snacks in certain amounts. You already texted them letting them know you were game to pick up snacks for the group before you left, but nobody ever takes the offer, because guess what? They know you're going to bring them anyway and they don't have to lift a finger.
This doesn't appear to be anybody's first rodeo so I don't see why they're surprised when you're always the only one who is prepared. If anything, you should've stood up for your snack kingdom a lot sooner than this.
Furthermore, your parents should be asking for your share and your siblings share for this vacation if they're going to be throwing the money in your face. IMO that's the real AH move.
Next time you know to say in the group chat "Last year when you wouldn't order your own pretzels but still wanted to eat the last of mine, you literally "told on me" like you were 8 years old. Last call because I won't be sharing this year". NTA.
NTA. Lack of planning on their part doesn’t create an emergency on your part. The only thing I can think of on your part is maybe being more forceful or blunt about the situation before the trip. But if they weren’t really listening to you, doing that probably wouldn’t have helped either.
The OP then returned early the next day.
The snacks are not my only contribution to the trip, I also paid for dinner, mini golf, and a share of the groceries. I mentioned the price of the snacks so that people would have an idea of the volume, as in I would never eat $150 worth of snacks just for myself in a week so obviously I was planning to share, not to make some kind of statement about how much $$ I contributed.
I am a snacker/grazer, my family for the most part is not. Eating this way works for me and it’s not something I can just turn off on vacation. I will not be accepting criticism on this at this time.
I appreciate the people suggesting I do a secret stash of snacks in my room, but that won’t work unless I plan to spend most of the trip in my room. The house is about a 5 minute walk from the lake so that means every time I want to eat I’d have to walk back to the house, eat something, and then walk back to the lake, so like 15-20 minutes every hour or so.
To everyone saying “just go get more snacks” the point is… I don’t want to. And I don’t feel like I should have to when I’ve made efforts to take care of myself. From my view point, I eat in a different way from my family and I’m not asking anyone else to make allowances for that way or to subsidize it. I am sharing the additional food I brought with others and offering to buy them whatever they want initially.