"AITA for refusing to shave my hair before my wedding?"
So I'm getting married in two weeks. We're all very stressed, which has been raising tensions and causing us to overreact to things that would normally not be a big deal otherwise.
I have been experiencing some gradual hair loss over the past couple of years. I have always known that this was in my cards, my dad started experiencing hair loss in his mid-20s and now has a pretty advanced male-pattern baldness.
I'm now 32 and my hair has been steadily receding from my temples. I keep hoping it would stabilize at some point, but no such luck. I've also noticed some thinning at top of my head. I'd like to try medication at some point, but it hasn't been a super pressing issue to me, plus with all the wedding planning, it's the last thing on my mind right now.
My fiancée, an otherwise wonderful and very reasonable woman, has been in something of a bridezilla mode during the past couple of months and especially this last month before the wedding. I've already made several concessions to her, but her new fixation is my hair.
She thinks that my "bald spot" at the top of my head is really visible and that it looks ridiculous. It didn't come out of nowhere, she has actually tried to convince me to buzz it off before we even got engaged and suggested it several times during our engagement, but is really harping on it now.
And now even my mom, who was previously on my side, because it's my hair and I should be free to do with it as I please, is trying to convince me to buzz it, just to keep the peace.
I don't know, if it's childish, but I just don't want to. It's my hair. My fiancée is literally crying over this (or claims it's over this, I think it's all the pressure she's dealing with rn), but I believe this should be my own decision.
She has also chosen a hairstyle for the wedding that I don't particularly like, I prefer her with her hair down, but it's her choice and she feels pretty in that hairstyle, so I don't force her to change it either.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA and they should just get a grip.
"This is what I look like. If you don't want to marry me anymore, just let me know."
Exactly. And if she doesn't realize that people's looks change throughout a marriage, then she will be crying for the rest of her life. SHE'S TA!
She is crying about your hair cut. She is now rallying troops to the cause, including your mom for goodness sake. Marry in haste and repent at your leisure: spend the time now clarifying that no means no, tears and tantrums don't win a discussion, and confirm that your opinion is equal to hers. NTA - stand firm.
NTA, but be aware that your hair right now could be sillier than you realize. I don't think guys realize how their hair looks to others when they have bald spots. In other info, if you want to treat it, you should try sooner rather than later. Many drugs for hair loss work better at maintaining what you have vs. growing it back. Don't wait on that if you want hair.
I'm a balding guy that shaves my head because to me there's nothing so stupid looking as a guy that is clearly in denial about the fact their hair is abandoning them. OP is clearly balding to the extent that it's obvious to anybody with functioning eyes, and his circle will be silently judging his delusion. It's hard, I get it, but without early medical and surgical intervention, it's only going to look worse and worse.
Yeah, I think wife sees something he doesn’t. She doesn’t want her wedding to be focused on hubby's hair issues and it can look really bad!! Maybe ask some close friends? I mean, consider your wedding pics 20 yrs from now with the equivalent of a mullet and a rat tail. That’s all anyone will see, regardless of the beauty of the event.
Lots of people think overweight people or really skinny people don’t look good, but you would never catch anyone telling them to fix it before a wedding. Your body is your body. That doesn’t just apply to females.
It’s your hair and your choice and your certainly NTA ( she is for pushing this) but mine was going when I got married and I can t even look at the photos without thinking how ridiculous it looked. From the front it ok but ones from different angles or heights look terrible and I shaved it off weeks later.
balding3agle (OP)
Thanks for this perspective. I have been kinda avoiding looking at the top of my head too much lately, so there's perhaps some truth to it looking worse than I think.
my fiance recently shaved his head and he looks at old photos with so much embarrassment. i’m really happy he made this change before the wedding. i would have encouraged him if he didn’t, but i wouldn’t have pressured him. she might just be looking out for you!
NTA I think your wife to be is lost in the weeds on this one. You're the groom not a wedding prop. She needs to stop crying because she's being utterly ridiculous.
She’s definitely overreacting. Crying is ridiculous and it’s ultimately your decision. That being said, you likely look very silly and have for a while - men way underestimate how bad their balding looks and how desperate it looks to hold onto hair.
The harsh truth is she doesn’t like the “holding onto it” look and has just sucked it up so far because she loves you, but she’s embarrassed to have you look that way at the wedding, either because it’s in front of everyone she knows and/or because it will be immortalized in pictures.
NTA. "Honey, I am getting the feeling that you don't want to marry me, but an image of me that you have built in your head. Can you really tell me this is about my hair? Because this has been me all along. If we marry, it's hair and all."
You might look back on your wedding photos and regret not buzzing. Ask the crowd!