'AITA for refusing to sign my parents' house, which is under my name, over to my wife if I die?'
"AITA for refusing to sign my parents' house, which is under my name, over to my wife if I die?"
So here is the backstory. In 2008 my parents lost most of their money and it got to the point they were no longer able to afford their house. My dad is quite a bit older than my mom, and his biggest worry is that he is not able to leave her enough to live and pay for a home/rent without having to financially rely on me and my sister.
So this is the plan we came up with. We found a house with a large lot that we bought under my name. My parents put down a significant amount of their savings for the down payment for the property, and to build a detached Accessory Dwelling Unit for them to live in.
I lived in the main house for a while, and my parents in the ADU. The agreement was once I moved out, we would rent out the main house. I would be responsible for the main house, maintenance, repairs, etc. and my parents are responsible for the ADU. We would split any property taxes not covered by the rental of the other property.
I live in a very expensive area, so my parents will have a place to live for the rest of their lives with no stress about becoming homeless. And I end up with a great investment property that I already have quite a bit of equity in.
I have the house in a trust. In the event of my untimely death, the ownership of the house will transfer to my parents, and then transfer to my partner/offsprings once they pass away.
My wife wants me to change the trust to have the deed of the property go to her instead of my parents. She says she of course will let them live there but wants control of the property if I die.
I feel really uncomfortable signing over the house my parents paid for to her. Even though it’s in my name and I’m spending some money on property taxes and maintenance, I consider it their house since they have paid for everything.
Part of the reason I feel uncomfortable is because when we were updating our life insurance policies once we got married, she made sure I removed my parents as beneficiaries and added her on as 100% beneficiary. But then refused to add me as a beneficiary to her policy and had 100% going to her sister. AITA for refusing to sign the house over to her?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
"Part of the reason I feel uncomfortable is because when we were updating our life insurance policies once we got married, she made sure I removed my parents as beneficiaries and added her on as 100% beneficiary. But then refused to add me as a beneficiary to her policy and had 100% going to her sister."
Yeah, that's some red flags right there. Like...that's a big one, right there. She's covered if you die, but you aren't if she dies? NTA, and I'd consider counseling at a minimum.
nitroracertc3 (OP)
I am going to counseling myself but have not been able to convince her to go with me…
I think she likes what you can provide for her more than she likes you. You should lock down all of your assets and change your insurance policy to your parents and/or sister. She won't even go to counseling with you to help the issues. I don't think she has your best interest or your family's in mind.
"Sorry honey, the house is in a trust, I won't change it." And change the subject, if she brings it up again, rinse and repeat. NTA, this trust was pre-marriage so she gets squat. If you change it now the argument could be made that it was made during marriage. DON'T.
nitroracertc3 (OP)
I’ve used the argument a lot that I had this agreement before we met, but her response is I made the agreement when I was single, now that I have a family the agreement needs to change.
NTA. Your wife has not paid any money towards the house, has she? Do not sign the house over to her b/c if something happens to you, who's to say she won't kick your parents out of the ADU.
NTA You married her so it sounded pretty reasonable until she made her sister the beneficiary and you just stayed married to her. Like what is even going on here what kind of marriage is this.
Why are you still married to her. She is using you. I bet if you were to unfortunately pass away, she will boot your parents out of their home.
I’m sorry, would she have her sister as the beneficiary and not you? Wtf? Please trust your gut and don’t sign it over to her.
NTA. Do not change that trust. She can, and would, sell that house out from under your parents if she came to own it. The tell is that she insisted on being your 100% beneficiary but won't let you be her 100% beneficiary. In my state, you would have to be her 100% beneficiary by law. Obviously, she want to have to your cake and eat hers too.
If you can get out of that partnership cleanly, do so. She loves money, but probably not you. I'm really sorry that she has put you in this position, and equally sorry that you didn't see this side of her before marrying her.
NTA. Your wife is greedy and wants it all. Put your parents back on the beneficiary list and ignore your wife. She WILL kick them out if she inherits it.
DO NOT sign your parents’ house over to your wife. Sounds like she is greedy and does not want your parents to have anything. Not even some of the life insurance? That’s kind of extreme and I don’t like it. Honestly, you may need to rethink that whole relationship.
NTA. And fix your life insurance. It should go to who you want, not to who she wants.she set that precedent herself by refusing to add you to hers. Id set it up as a trust for your kids and your parents, and leave her out of it.