"AITA for refusing to split my inheritance with my brother?"
I’m gonna try and keep this as brief as possible because the texts themselves are long. Basically, my entire family died with the exception of my little brother of the course of the last 5 years. My dad died four years ago, our mom died three years ago, our grandpa died two years ago, and our grandmother died a few months ago. Some context:
He’s my half brother, though I don’t think of him that way. It’s only relevance is that he still has a VERY large family on his dads side that he is very involved and close with and a step mother who’s been around since he was 4 and he’s very close with. I……. Have him.
Our mother had a lot of issues and we had a rough start to childhood. We both endured a lot of mistreatment. Our mothers parents got custody of me in second grade. My dad never signed my birth certificate and was never around. His dad on the other hand was an active role in his life and therefore our grandparents could not file for custody of him. His dad went to court to get custody of him when I was taken.
We lived very different lives. Our grandparents were wealthy and his father was not. Though my grandparents took him on trips and bought him things all the time it just wasn’t the same because I was their full time child. This caused resentment between us as teens and we weren’t very close. As I we for older we were able to form a bond and become very close.
Over the last 5 years all family responsibilities fell on me. Our mom died, and I had to handle EVERYTHING. When she died I had to move in with my grandparents to help care for my grandpa who had late stage dementia. He did nothing to help. When my grandma got sick he did nothing to help. He never called or visited them and generally acted like they didn’t exist after he turned 16 and they didn’t buy him a car.
My grandma was a hoarder and when she died I had the huge undertaking of emptying out a 3000 sqft house that was full from top to bottom. I spent THOUSANDS of dollars on dumpsters and labor as well as taking on a $4000 mortgage on top of my other bills. He did NOTHING to help.
I have ALWAYS done everything for my brother. He asks and I make it happen. In particular, with money. Here’s the problem. My grandparents died and they left everything to me. Everything meaning a dilapidated house and sky high debt. Their house was worth $1.6 million and I sold it for $1million due to the condition and by time I paid off all their liens and debts I had $175k left.
That amount while substantial and I’m beyond grateful, was pennies for where we lived. I would never be able to buy a home with that where we lived and get approved for a loan. I tried! So I moved to another state. Since then my brother has been weird as hell about money.
I’ve bought him things over the last few months, given him money for his bills, literally $500 for his rent last week and yet these were the messages we exchanged tonight. I don’t feel like I’ve done anything to him and yet he’s acting like I’ve killed his dog.
He thinks I should’ve split the money with him and I actually think that’s wild considering the relationship he had with them and his complete lack of interest to help with anything I had to do to even get that money. Still, maybe he’s right and I really just can’t see. So I’m coming here to ask, Am I wrong?
This is what people had to say to OP:
Ready_Garden4253 said:
Stop giving him money and paying for things.
wanderinmick said:
So he does nothing, but when it comes time to count the dollars he puts his hand out asking for half??
My two year old watches a video on YouTube called Little Red Hen. A hen finds some raspberries, asks the other farm animals if they want to make a raspberry cake, everyone’s on board. But when it comes time to put in the work to make the cake nobody helps. When it’s all done, everyone wants to eat the cake, but the hen basically tells them to gtfo. You’re the hen. Eat your cake.
sallystruthers69 said:
You're nta. Your brother is an overgrown, selfish child who only thinks of himself and his own pleasures, not necessities. You wrote out a thoughtful, understandable response, and all he had to say was "yeah well you did me janky, put me down, and hurt my feelings." He's not listening. He closed his tiny ears. You tried to be reasonable. He doesn't care and isn't listening.
At the end of the day, he only seems to be concerned w what he can get from you. You stated your case, and he's choosing to act like a selfish child. Wipe your hands and conscience clean of this.
Also, consider who your beneficiary is going forward. Is it your brother? Is he unhinged enough to help with your demise so he gets a payday and shopping spree down the road? Your brother is untrustworthy bc of his entitlement.
OP responded:
It is him. I literally have no one else to leave it to. However, I don’t think my brother would ever harm me. I think his jealousy is just really getting the best of him right now.
nasnedigonyat said:
Money often reveals a person's true character and priorities. He has shown his.
Keep your financial boundaries strong. He has other people he can mooch off of.
Apprehensive_War9612 said:
You need to cut him off financially and see how he acts. Does he want to maintain a relationship? Is he interested in your life? Does he reach out to see how you are or share good news as well as bad? Does he return your calls/texts?
You don’t have to change anything else in your behavior or how you interact with him, just don’t give him money. And see how he responds. That tells you how he sees you. NTA.
OP responded:
I did do that. This was his reaction. He quit taking my calls and would barely speak to me. This entire conversation started because I’ve been trying to FaceTime him for a week because I miss him and wanted to see his face but he wouldn’t take my calls. He said he would call tonight and then instead I got the text that he didn’t want to speak to me because I don’t give him money as he pleases.